The Oolongest Day

Ha!  Sometimes I Amuse Even Me
Although I write this stuff, I very rarely go back and read it, for that way lies either madness, boredom or plagiarism.  On the few times I do review BOOUM! I occasionally stop and laugh at the baffoon who composed this scrivel, before realising we are the same person*.
     Here an aside.  Can you plagiarise yourself?  Or is that just quoting yourself?  An interesting tautology, anyway.
     So!  That title is me punning about tea again, because of the imminent shortage of Darjeeling tea, and because we here in the Pond of Eden drink billions of cups of char every year.  For your information, "Oolong" is a Chinese variety of tea.  And we all know that classic war fillum "The Longest Day", don't we?

For freedom, democracy and tea, in that order

     There.  I've just ironed out any humour in my joke by explaining it.
     No!  I cannot have recourse to tea-bags instead of loose leaf, for Conrad is nothing if not a Tea Snob down to the the very strands of his DNA.  The stuff you get in tea bags reminds me of sweepings, which is the lowest version of tea you can get.  Besides, it's the "Greatest Hits" Compilation Syndrome all over again.
     There is a distinct - sorry, what's that?  Ah, yes, perhaps I should explain.

Or Perhaps I Shouldn't
Because I'm perverse that way.  Let us instead return to Colonel Bauer's epic "History of the Second World War" which I usually have a gander at pre-Pub Quiz.  I did think to check the Index, where there is no mention of Enigma, nor Bletchley Park, nor anything to do with how the Poles began to break the Teuton's devilishly complex encoding machine.
     Here an aside.  The Poles get extremely cross if it's implied that only the British had anything to do with breaking the Enigma codes; a little something to remember the next time you visit Krakow.

The beautiful city of Lodz.  Because Krakow would have been too easy.

     Since the details of Station Y did not emerge until 1975, and HOTSWW was published in 1966, this absence is entirely understandable.
     Except what's this?  A mention in the Introduction that eminent British historian Corelli Barnett (which sounds made-up but he's real) has updated the contents with new information about Enigma that Col. Bauer did not have.  If so, they haven't bothered to amend the Index, have they?

Index finger?

     Nor is it mentioned in the text that I've read.  Riffing on the preparations for The Longest Day, I speed-read the chapter on planning for Operation Overlord.  Nope.  No mention of Enigma there.
     Since I only have about ten minutes reading time before the Pub Quiz starts, I guess the only solution is to buy my own copy and then read it from cover to cover.  To you - a painful chore; to Conrad - light entertainment!

Except it weighs about half a stone

Oh, Go On Then
I shall explain what "Greatest Hits" Compilation Syndrome is.  As you ought to know by now - hang on, are the Mystery Jets still together? Let me just check - phew yes they are indeed - your humble scribe has a few PET HATES, amongst them pineapple, mobile phones and people who think they can decide on your behalf, when it comes to the arts.
     If a record label feels like squeezing even more dineros out of their eager audiences, and if the relevant band is dead or disbanded, they get around not having any new material by putting out a "Greatest Hits" compilation**.  They arbitrarily decide what the hits are, WHICH ANNOYS ME!  A LOT!  So much so I nearly used two exclamation marks.
     Same thing with tea-bags.  I do not wish to partake of someone else's choice of what kind of tea I shall drink, nor in what quantity.

Behold the enemy

Finally
I mentioned the Hiller Pawnee aerial scout in this afternoon's post, a device of highly dubious utility that the South Canadian Army very wisely decided to pass on.  Now meet the Lazner Aerocycle, a device of equally doubtful use but with a much higher risk of death or amputation.  Art?

Hmmm.  No.

     This artefact offered all the drawbacks of  the Pawnee, with some extras thrown in.  Stability was effected by having two sets of rotors, which rotated in different directions, except where they rotated into each other, shattering apart and depositing the Aerocycle on the ground.  Plus, look at the platform above - if matey literally puts a foot wrong, that foot's gone.  Imagine piloting this device in wet weather, and your boot slips ...

Ouch.

     That they were inherently dangerous is apparent, because the chap who test-flew them was given an award for bravery.


*  At least, I hope so.
**  This is so true you can only nod in agreement.