I Shan't Leave It Alone
Conrad not overly fond of green
tea. Gunpowder green – that’s a
different story, as it’s an entirely different kind of tea. And yes!
Still with the tea-based puns.
Conrad not keen on “The Green Mile” either. Hollywood take note.
Here’s the thing. This being a blog, we can certainly present
you with stuff to occupy the eyes, and even the ears, thanks to Links and our
very occasional video. If I wield the
pen well enough then you may get a sense of what I’ve been eating (generally,
food just this side of rotten). What we
cannot do, with the technology of 2027, is – oops, sorry, that comes of
time-travelling too much – the technology of 2017, is gift you with scent.
Fortunately for you.
“But Conrad!” I hear you blench*. “Wherefore and of what do you speak?”
Blanch. Close enough. |
Well, The Mansion occupies a kind of
watershed: from the front door you can observe the ceaseless traffic humming
between Babylon-lite and Ur-ochdale.
From the back door it’s Tandle Hill Park and farmland.
Where, let me tell you, they lay the manure on at this time of
year. Good lord aloft, the stench that
assailed my nostrils as I got off the bus last night! Ghastly.
No passing and transient zephyr this, no; this stink hung around and
invited itself in. You could have sliced
it and served it up with chips.
AND Conrad has no sense of smell. Who knows how you humans must have suffered!
Typical human. |
“Have
Spacesuit Will Travel” by Robert Heinlein
Well now. I haven’t read this in a geological age, and
only bought it because I have fond memories of it as a smaller entity than I am
now. It is definitely of it’s time,
although so far nobody has mentioned slide-rules, but we are less than half-way
through it. Mr H spends a lot of time
and effort describing Kip’s effort to win a slogan competition, because the
prize is an all-expenses paid trip to the Moon.
It will be a holiday destination in the future, apparently. Who knew!
My old edition with the not-very-good cover |
You can tell it’s one of Mr H’s juveniles
because he doesn’t lay the right-wing politics on very heavily. Nor does he mention sex.
It is an odd thing about Mr H – definitely
a right-winger, yet with a very liberal approach to sex and sexuality that more
belongs to some impossible tree-sloth – no, that was “Forbidden Planet”, wasn’t
it? Like a very crimson liberal indeed.
Death
Cab For Cutie
Yes, today we are using the
correct spelling. I did pop into the
now-handily located Fopp! Record shop last night after work, only to find that
they didn’t have “Transatlanticism” in stock. And that detour meant I missed the 24 bus.
I realise this isn’t really news, it’s
just that I like to keep you informed**.
BOOJUM!
Reviews Films
In our accustomed manner. That is to say, speculatively, shallowly and
sardonically. If you want a proper
review, go speak to Mark Kermode, who is a big fan of the Comsat Angels, which
is enough to save him or his descendants when my starship invasion fleet gets
here.
Okay, shall we review?
“Victoria And
Abdul”: Oh no. Judi Dench as
Queen Vic? Get out of here with your Big
Skirt Film! A genre that Conrad has
happily dismissed for decades***. Who’s
Abdul? Who cares!
“American Assassin”: Well, the title looks
promising. Unfortunately the posters are
trying too hard to be all serious and gloomy and shizzle, and you can’t see a
thing. Not even a tagline. Is it me, or is that title ambiguous? Is he (presuming here yes but the odds are in
my favour) an assassin from South Canada, or does he go around assassinating
them?
I think we should be told^.
American ass. Close enough. |
“IT”:
What? “IT” tells one absolutely nothing
about the film. In fact there can be few
film titles that are vaguer and less informative than this one. The tagline doesn’t help AT ALL. “You’ll float too”. I beg your pardon? Conrad may have lost weight thanks to his
Hideous Wasting Disease, yet he remains a fairly hefty individual. Floating is not on the agenda.
??? |
Finally
–
Because that default Facebook
description keeps coming up and mentioning tanks, here’s the Automitralleuse de
Reconnaisance Renault Modele 1933, which was effectively a self-propelled
machine gun. Not that impressive if it
came up against a tank with a real gun, although if all you had to defend
yourself was skin and a greatcoat, then you were in trouble.
Quiver in fear! |
* Yes this is a real word.
** Informative, that’s me.
*** AKA chick flicks
^ Well, I should. You lot can
remain ignorant.
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