A Clockwork Orange Pekoe

I'm Not Being Too Clever, Am I?
Still punning about tea.  For those of you abroad who are not up on the most noble bits of boiled plant that ever were, Orange Pekoe is a variety of tea, and I shouldn't have to explain what ACO is, neither book nor film.

Malcolm, suffering for his art

     Here an aside.  I've been watching "The Longest Day" and, out of either perversity or curiosity (take your pick), I've had the Subtitles option turned on, and am viewing in Suomi - which is Finnish for "Finnish".  It seems to have a lot of long words.  Plus, I now know how to say "Where is he?" in Suomi - "Missa han on?".  Also, their word for "Paratrooper" is so long that, were you to try and sound an alert about enemy paratroopers descending, you'd be dead before you finished speaking.
     "Huomio!  Vaarallinen Laskuvar-" <sound of shooting>
     We shall only briefly note in passing that one of the more bonkers conspiracy theories out there holds that Finland does not exist: it was invented by Russia and Japan.  Speaking as one who lives down a rabbit hole most of the time, this is more like a rabbit tunnel to the centre of the earth.

Sad Jules Verne is mystified

     Okay, now that we've variously insulted three countries and a famous author, I think my brain has warmed up enough to continue.  Let the motley take off on rocket boosters!

Shakespoke
As you should surely know by now, Conrad hates the Barf of Avon with a steely consistent passion, and I can only apologise to the world for the Allotment's inflicting him on the rest of you (we are the Allotment of Eden in the UK at present, since the sun is shining).  The only decent thing that ever came of Bill the Barb is "Forbidden Planet" which is based on "The Tempest".  Er - I confess to having a copy of the play somewhere, purely in order to see how the film derives from it.

Close enough

     "Do get on with it, old chap, 'Police Interceptors' is on soon," I hear you carp.
     Pausing only to confess that it, too, is one of my guilty pleasures, I shall.
     Whilst walking Edna last night, I came up with a few doggerel slurs against Billy S. and thought it might be a good idea to continue the theme in later posts.  Meanwhile, here they are.

Full fathom five thy father lies

He sank because he ate too many pies.

If he hadn't been so grossly round,

He might have survived and not drowned.

     Don't go away, there's more -

Full fathom five thy father lies.

At least he's not being consumed by flies.

Even if he is being nibbled by fish,

Being un-eaten by flies was his dearest wish.

     And lastly -

Full fathom five thy father lies.

Drowned whilst swimming, you might surmise.

Indeed you might, although you're wrong.

He was so wet he was there all along.

     Ha!  Take that, Shakespeare!  They're not a clerihew, but they'll do.

Sad Shakespeare is a - is - a robot zombie?

     Quickly - check and see if Ben Folds is still alive!  <sounds of internet search taking place> phew he is, it was just a dodgy tuna sandwich.

Now, do you want to hear about ICBM design and Circular Error Probable?  No?  Oh, alright.  How about the 5,000 word thesis on - not that, either?  Well then, we shall go with Forgotten Weapons.  SIT BACK DOWN!  This is interesting.

The BESAL Light Machine Gun
If you've seen the film "Dunkirk", which I have - I think it's classed as "High Treason" if you're British and don't see it - then you might understand that the Allotment was faced with some rather tough times in the summer of 1940.  The victorious Teutons stood on the other side of the Channel, patently itching to get to Round Two, so re-equipping the British army was quite important, really.  It wouldn't do to face off against German Laskuvarjojaakaria (paratroopers to you) armed only with a breadknife taped to a broomhandle, after all.
     Enter mariners, wet - no, sorry, that's "The Tempest", isn't it?  Enter the Czechs.  You might not know it, but the Czechs have a long and impressive history of weapons design; if you were to cross a German with a Russian, you get a Czech.  Thus the Czech arsenal at Brno and the Royal Ordnance Factory at Enfield created the Bren.  Art?

The best light machine gun ever made

     The problem was that the arsenal at Enfield was the only place the Bren could be made, and it became somewhat timely to come up with an alternate design (note how I make use of our British sang froid here), in case Enfield got bombed or ran out of tea, or some other hideous catastrophe.  Art?

     

     Here's Ian of Forgotten Weapons, which is a misnomer here, as I'd never heard of this weapon before.  "BESAL" or British Emergency Simplified LMH".  It took the Bren design and simplified it, to the point where any sausage-fingered mechanic in a garage could bodge it up from scratch.
     The problem was, fine expedient design though it was, by the time it got approved, the Teuton threat had vanished.  So that was the end of the BESAL.

     Right, time to emerge from the rabbit hole and get some scoff - later!