It's Mirror Spock - Do Not Mock!

I Refer, Of Course, To That Obscure Cult Sixties Show - 
"Star Trek".  And the episode "Mirror Mirror", which I like lots.  Lots!  It just goes to show, with a bit of a nudge the United Federation of Planets could have ended up a lot more interesting evil. Which is a bad thing.

Mirror Spock.  Rational, analytical, and a little bit evil.  Which is a bad thing.

     Also, it would have made the plots a bit simplistic.  "Kirk encounters a mysterious object in space AND BLASTS IT TO ATOMS IMMEDIATELY!"  "Kirk encounters a planet where the population consists solely of women AND IMMEDIATELY ENSLAVES THEM ALL!"  "The Enterprise's landing party vanishes inside a mysterious chateau stra - WHICH IS IMMEDIATELY BLOWN TO BITS!*"  "The Enterprise - AND BLASTS IT TO ATOMS IMMEDIATELY!"
     You get my drift.

Some People Have Entirely Too Much Time On Their Hands
Since we haven't been hit with the Coincidence Hammer today**, I think it's time to wheel out today's Ironic commentary.  Please gasp in awe and wonder at the below:

Behold the Buckaroo

     Someone has gone to a considerable amount of time and effort to recreate the secret base of Buckaroo Banzai, in a great deal of detail.
     I suppose I cannot expect more than "Huh?" and "Who?" and "Who ate all the dip?" from you film Phillistines, eh?  Here is a link to Youtube that will allow you to educate yourselves on what the first poster says, without exaggerating in the slightest: This is one of the most original films ever made, and one of the most criminally underrated. 

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=buckaroo+banzai

     Now, I hope you are better informed.  Remember - "The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension" - you heard it here first.

QUICK ANSWER ME!  What is the surname of Michael Pena's character in "End of Watch"?

You What?
The Twits are at it again.  Honestly, for every single appropriate "Suggested Post" - for which read "Thinly Disguised Advert" - they bombard your hapless correspondent with fifty sets of drivelling fractious nonsense.  The evidence:

I despair at the human condition***.

     Where do they generate this execrable rubbish from, and how?  I do not work in a bank, I have never worked in a bank, I do not wish to ever work in a bank, and - if by some immense cosmic joke carried out by the Q^ that meant I did end up in a bank - there is NO WAY ON EARTH I WOULD BE INTERESTED IN A MOBILE PHONE NETWORK!
     Let me put that another way:  there is NO WAY ON EARTH I WOULD BE INTERESTED IN A MOBILE PHONE NETWORK!
     Yes, I realise that's the same way again, but I feel so strongly I felt like making a point.

A Short Discursion On Food And Drink
Yes indeed.  Not everything that Conrad attempts turns out properly.  Today I tried to make mayonnaise, and ended up with this:

     Although unclear in the photograph, this is in fact a repellent oily slop that went down the drain shortly afterwards.  I believe the technical term for this failure is "split", probably caused by adding oil too quickly.  It took ages to make, too.
     On the positive side of the balance sheet, we have Beetroot Burgers:

     They taste a bit sweet, which is probably because your humble scribe used cooked and pickled beetroot, as they were the only ones available.  The texture is fine, though.  I may try again with the uncooked version.
     And here we have an act of heresy:

     That's a Stella Artois Cidre glass that was being handed out free at the Electric Goldfish Bowl last Monday.  Since I was away on leave, my very good friend Manisha purloined one for me, and do you know the Old Golden Hen tastes even better out of the wrong kind of glass!
     I couldn't get a close-up of the rawhide chew that is being chewed upon here:

     - because possessive and jealous Edna assumed anyone coming close to HER rawhide chew wanted to thieve it away, and she would dart off with it, growling.

Okay enough food and drink, let's turn to existential horror.

Frankenstein (1931)
I am watching this for the first time in decades and realised I remembered very little of it.  Although I have read the novel on which it is based, thank you.  The film itself appears to be based on a play, judging from the credits, derived from the novel.
     Just think, in four year's time the novel itself will be two hundred years old.  Mary Shelley probably didn't think her little Gothic romance^^ would have legs like that.
     Here's a screenshot of Henry and Fritz, his assistant, carrying out their evil deeds.  Which are bad.

Henry and Fritz do the Monster Dash

     It's probably the least of his worries, but Henry Frankenstein really would get shut down if the Health And Safety Executive inspectors called round - all that exposed wiring and electric arcs ...

Dammit, already over the word limit and I had so much to add.  Maybe later.

Tally ho!

* Landing party included.  Hey, the Empire doesn't reward failure!
** Yet.
*** Fortunately I'm not one.
^ Sorry, another Star Trek reference
^^ It's a pretty short novel.

Data As Friar Tuck -

 - He Forgot To Duck!
What?  you were expecting some NSFW ending?  Shame on you!  Wash your mind out with soap and water!

Love the hairdo.

     There is a back-story to this episode, involving Q transporting and transforming the Enterprise bridge crew into the cast of "Robin Hood: Men in Leggings".  I can't remember anything much, except that Worf has the wonderful line "Sir! I protest!  I am NOT a Merry Man!"  Later on, Geordie as Alan A'Dale has been plunking away on his mandolin repeatedly.  Worf strides up to him, snatches away the offending instrument and smashes it to bits against a tree*.
     I am also enjoying myself by sucking people in with my witty "Star Trek" allusions.

More Of Star Trek
Star Trek: The Next Generation is playing on the CBS Action Channel, and the episode tagline states:"Captain Picard is stranded on a barren planet with a woman who is desperately in love with him."

Er - not quite what I had in mind ...

     This being the PC series, I expect there to be deep and philosophical ponderings by Picard on why the planet is barren and empty and lifeless, what had happened to make it that way, could the Federation have helped or will help -

Barren.  And strangely familiar

     - you know, angsty shizzle like that.
     Whereas this chap -

"No hurry, Spock."

     "Stardate 2355.7.  Currently I am stranded on the barren surface of Celestis Four, with only a single beautiful besotted woman to keep me company.  Unfortunately it will take the  Enterprise many weeks to rescue us."
     You can imagine the rest ...

Some People Have Entirely Too Much Time On Their Hands
A statement which, if Irony were a person, would cause them to choke on their food whilst being knocked off their feet.
     I stumbled across a website yesterday entitled "Beyond the Sprues".  For your information, "Sprues" are the plastic ribs that the various bits of plastic model kit are attached to.

Sic

     I read on about the "Squawks of the FAA" in staggered awe.  Here is the link to the forum thread:

http://beyondthesprues.com/Forum/index.php?topic=3529.0

     Essentially what this person had done was create an alternate history (known by wannabe intellectuals as a "counterfactual") that was credible, detailed, sustained and accurate, all to be able to post this picture:

     There never was a "Douglas-Blackburn" company, nor an "HMS Leviathan", and the RN's Fleet Air Arm was certainly never involved in Vietnam!
     The person who created the picture and the backstory knows their stuff, however, and if you've been living in a fallout shelter on Weather Mountain for the past 50 years, you'd believe it.
     I think this website might also be responsible for the pictures of Thunderbird 2 in RAF livery, except if I go to research that I'll not be back for hours.  Maybe later.

House of Leaves
As mentioned, I finished this yesterday.  Long and complicated, although unlike Thomas Pynchon it hasn't thrown that many new and unfamiliar words up.  One such has been "docent", which turns out to be a guide, generally around an institute like a museum or library.  Then there was the disease "grippe" which Conrad has heard of, and imagined to be  a malady of the stomach.  Wrong!  An outdated word referring to "influenza".

It has an index.  I'm so happy!

     Then again, life has crossed paths with HoL in at least one respect -

House with leaves

     I was embarrassed by Degsy's chopping them down yesterday, so I cut them all up into short, Qubo-friendly lengths this afternoon.

More O' Poirot
Okay, I finished watching "Appointment with Death" and although it was shot on location (probably) (definitely I went and checked IMDB**) with a stellar cast, it was a bit of a bore, frankly.  It went on far too long for too little return.
     Now, take the television series.  These clock in at about 52 minutes as they don't have adverts in to stretch them out to an hour.  Much more coherent and pleasing - you generally only have to wait 20 minutes for there to be a ghastly MURDER, which, after all, is what ghouls like us we you and me are looking for.
     Anyway, last night's viewing was entitled "The Dream" and your humble yet perceptive scribe instantly realised that the supposed invitation of Poirot to a "consultation" was in fact an impostor playing a part in front of our Belgian whiz.  
     In my opinion the star of the show was the Art Deco factory that some location scout had come across and probably swooned over.  It looked exactly the part.

1935 in stone

     Oh, my supposition that the year had advanced beyond 1935 was wrong - Farley by implication confirms that the episode takes place in 1935.

Blimey!  The word limit hits us once again.  And I was so looking forward to more of "The Australian Victories in France 1918".  Maybe later.

Chin chin!


* Yup.  Not a merry man.
** See?  See how thorough I am?

Doctor McCoy With Medical Toy

"Toy" Is Perhaps Over-stating It
But then again perhaps not.  The gadget that you see the good Doctor wielding here is a high-speed pneumatic injector -

That, or a light-sabre hilt

     - which Conrad wishes modern medical science will hurry up and invent.  As you already know by now, Conrad is a fearful mewling coward when it comes to injections and the mere thought of a hypodermic syringe is enough to turn him pale.  The painless HSPI is one Star Trek invention that cannot come soon enough.

"Man up, you big baby!  You're worse than Conrad!*"

Poirot - "The Incredible Theft"
Really, now, chaps.  There's a bit of inventive fiddling going on here.  This episode concerns the theft of top secret blueprints for Mayfield's "Kestrel" fighter.
     Here's the Kestrel -

Except it's not!

     No indeed.  This is a later model Spitfire, you can tell by the cannon in the wings and the four-bladed propellor.  A plane plainly** not in existence at the time of the episode.  We aren't given any explicit date or year, although things have probably moved on from 1935 - mentioned in the first episode.  Thomas Mayfield describes the Kestrel's gunfire as being the equivalent of "a two foot window of lead coming at you", which seems to neglect the two 20 mm cannons, rather.
     I didn't guess the identity of the thief in this one and would defy anyone else to do so, either.

A Little Retrospective
Abusing the search function on Blogger again, I tracked down a post from back in the early days of BOOJUM! and here replicate it:

You Know You're Middle-Aged When:

1)  You get childishly excited about your new Kenwood Ice Cream Maker

2)  Your mobile died a week ago and you never noticed

3)  You write your clocking-in times in a diary instead of Outlook

4)  You associate the word "Kindle" with something to be thrown on a fire

5)  You don't recognise any single-name "Celebrities" on the BBC's "Entertainment" page

6)  You do simple arithmetic faster than the youths around you (they don't have the app!)

7)  Your pile of Books To Be Read, stacked one atop the other, is higher than your house

8)  You realise that, sadly, you are never going to make it as an astronaut - ever

9)  Your savings account is actually a scruffy tin pot containing £2,500 in cash

10)  Some kind soul gives up their seat on the tram for you  :(

On the plus side, I am now past my half-century, mostly corpus intact, so yah booh sucks to those who said I'd never reach 30!

RIght, I am off, trembling with glee, to put an ice cream mix into <cont. Page 96>

     I was rather fond of that one but could never remember when I'd posted it.  I should now like to add another point:

11)  You really enjoy watching period detective television programmes and feel ridiculously clever if you guessed the murderer correctly.

"House Of Leaves"
Finally finished this strange book today.  I admit I skimmed over the poems since, and you should realise this by now, Conrad hates poetry.
     I can explain it all.  Zampano made up the whole Navidson Report from whole cloth and it never existed.  Johnny Truant was always off his head on drugs and has a complete mental breakdown because of them.
     Except, near the end, he comes across a band - Liberty Bell - who actually have a copy of the Navidson Report that he'd written, before he'd finished writing it.  They tell him they are always bumping into people who've read it, too.

What Kind Of Home maker Are You?
Asks the wiltingly silly British Gas advert on Twitter.

This is the choice?

     I dunno, do they have an animal that weighs 190 pounds, has white hair and sits on a chair all day drinking tea?  Because that's my kind of animal.

Oh Dear
I has broked teh Interwebz

Sorry.

Now, I was going to add more here about "The Australian Victories in France 1918", except that I think you've suffered my advanced pondering enough.  Maybe tomorrow***.

Matthew Wright
The more of the "60 Seconds" interview I read, the more I like this bloke.  His favourite band are Hawkwind, and he impressed the lead singer Dave Brock so much that he got invited to sing "Spirit of the Age" in front of a sell-out crowd.  

That's Dave on the right.  On the left - it looks a bit like Wrighty.  Could it be?

* Might need to brush up on that bedside manner, Doc.
** Look at that, how clever am I!
*** Definitely tomorrow.

It's Geordie La Forge - Having A Gorge!

Well, Almost
I mean, there he is, next to food, amongst a whole lot of people eating food, at a party where there's lots of food, so permit me the point.

Worf still looking gay in a sashay

     Besides, "It's Geordie La Forge - Standing next to some food" doesn't rhyme and doesn't have any dramatic impact.  Here at BOOJUM! it's all about the drama!

Thank You, Oscar
A few months ago - or so I thought - I explained about seeing a film probably 40 years ago, yet not knowing what it was called.  A bit of digging on Google and at IMDB proved that it was "SOS Pacific", where a damaged flying boat puts down in the Pacific on a deserted island.  There are derelict ships out in the channel, cattle tethered in place and a deserted bunker lined with lead and filled with cameras.  Two miles away is another island, with a pylon.  As the stranded survivors realise, there's a hydrogen warhead on the pylon and it's going to be detonated within hours ...

Unfortunately this font appears to have strayed in from a "Carry On" film ...

     It's a pretty good film, as I recall.  I did mention a few months elapsed above, didn't I?  Discovering the "Search" function on Blogger meant I tracked the original post down, and it was July 2014.  Not sure if this means my memory is good or bad, but it's certainly wild, which is why I call it Oscar. 
     My notes at the time complained that the poster is misleading, as it's in black and white.
     What turned up on the "Movies for Men" channel yesterday?  No!  Not "Moulin Rouge" - Movies for MEN.  "SOS Pacific".  However:

As you can see - B & W no longer!

     I checked IMDB and it was originally in colour.  The credits at the end declared that it had been "remastered", for which read "colourised", or more accurately "colourised in lovely pastel shades".
     What was that about MEN?

Thank You, Edna
This afternoon Degsy pruned the tree in the Mansion's back yard, helped - in her fond imagination - by Edna.

     It was her particular delight to get the green branches and chew them to bits.  Not the dry brown ones, they're no fun.

Thank You, Morrisons
Yes!  The above retailer has started selling one of Conrad's most favourite tipples, Morland's "Old Golden Hen"

Simply splendid stuff

     This is not exactly the sort of thing that will ever appear on the BBC News' "Breaking" banner.  Don't forget, though, it's the little things in life ...


Conrad - Master Of Matters Technical
I would like to show you another screenshot, this one of my Facebook profile page:

Winsome as anything, eh?

     Who says you can't teach an old dog - one that is particularly curmudgeonly at the best of times - new tricks?  I've changed my background photograph AND my Profile photograph on the same day I learned how to search my own posts on Blogger.
     Conrad says "21st century?  BRING IT ON!*"
     Whilst trawling the various television channels I came across another potential instrumental dance track title:"Vintage Floral Wall Clock Kit".  What do you think?  One for Leftfield's next album?

Poirot - A Problem At Sea
Technically they were in harbour at the time the murder was committed, so slapped wrists for both Agatha and Clive Exton (who did these adaptations).
     I did like the fact that the filming was done in Greece, standing in for Alexandria, which is making the most of your location filming abroad.
     Oh, I knew straight away who the killer was and how he got his alibi.  Solution in the footnotes**!
     Another thing.  Colonel Clapperton had been in the Grenadier Guards, General Forbes implying that he only got in because of wartime expediency.  Not at all.  If the snobbish and elitist Guards regiments didn't like an officer, they didn't last long, and certainly wouldn't get to the rank of Colonel.
     I recall a gunnery officer's autobiography, where he spent a day in a front-line Observation Post with a gunnery Major from the Guards.
     "Are you a Regular?" asked the Major, to a "No, sir"
     "Did you go to Eton?" was the next question, again to a "No, sir"
     After that the Major ignored him completely for the rest of the day.

The terrifying amateur singing experience.
To me, THIS would be the problem!

"The Transporter Refuelled"
As seen on a bus poster.  Thus it qualifies for a BOOJUM! film review.  It's been a while so let me refresh you on the rules:
     1)  Everything is taken literally
     2)  No research
     So.  This would be one of the year's shortest and most boring films.  Probably between five to ten minutes long.

The excitement!  The drama! The - ah, who am I kidding.

* In small bite-size chunks, ta.
** Colonel Clapperton; he'd murdered his wife then used his music hall ventriloquy talents to pretend she was talking to him from behind her locked cabin door.

It's Jean-Luc Picard - Being Dead Hard!

Yes, It Did Happen Occasionally
In the episode of "Star Trek: The Next Generation" that some wags dubbed "Enterprise Mine"*, and which I can't be bothered to look up on Google or Wiki, JLP took it upon himself to single-handedly prevent some Whoosits from carrying out Whatsit by pirating off with the starship.  Not only that, the Enterprise was being scoured by lethal radiation in order to kill off Space Weevils.  Or something.

JLP and his improvised crossbow

     So JLP had to defeat the space pirates and avoid being fried from the inside out like a marshmallow in the microwave.  I don't think it's any great spoiler to say that he managed both.
     Then there's also "First Contact", which is undeniably the best of the STTNG films and one of my favourite Star Trek films bar none.  Catch the normally pacific and conciliatory Picard blasting a couple of Borg into dog food - 

This man means business!

     That's a 1928 Cutts Compensator Thompson M1 with a fifty-round drum magazine, FYI, and that's not the expression of a man you want to get on the wrong side of.

Okay, I think the motley can begin.  I'm still using up stuff I wrote up yesterday, without getting to Saturday's scrivel yet.  Given the amount of things to post I could - only could, I shan't move onto will! - post three entries today.

The Pub Quiz
This occurred on Thursday, for your information.  I  know, I know, I am rather slow but I do have a life outside BOOJUM! thanks very much.  Anyway, there are four points.
     1)  Answer = "Anny Ondra".  The quizmaster asked who this Czech-born actress who had been the wife of Max Schmelling** was.  NOBODY got the answer.

Anny & Max

     This is the poster child for OBSCURE.
     2)  Answer = "Go".  The question was about a word meaning to move or a board game.  Conrad, and you already knew this, didn't you? has the game and has played it a few times.

Go now

     For a simple grid and basic rules, it is a very complicated game.  Damon Knight, the sci-fi author, postulated a 3D version, which would be mind-bogglingly complex.  "makes 3D chess look like a game for simpletons," said the 22nd Century "Games Review.
     3) Answer =  Crimson.  The colour of the Victoria Cross ribbon.  I got it wrong <hangs head in shame>
     4) Answer = Chalons.  Question was which battle ended the succcessful campaigns of Atilla the Hun in 451 AD, his opponents being the Romans and Visogoths.
     I got the answer for this one, which I preened over for a bit.  Not for long, we still lost.

W.o.E?
This is the official abbreviation at the blog for "What on Earth?" which I think you'll agree is a whole lot Safer For Work than some of the other acronymic expostulations***.

Shades of "The Goodies"

     This particular vehicle graced the atrium at the Electric Goldfish Bowl on Friday, and I never found out what it was for.  We didn't receive any e-mail notifications about it, so you may get together in the corner and come up with an explanation yourselves.

"The Australian Victories In France 1918" By General John Monash
I love this volume on two levels.  Firstly, it is written by an educated man in the language of 95 years ago, and Monash doesn't salt his work with quotations in French, Latin or Greek, which some authors with pretensions do, and which the insufferably pretentious don't bother to translate.  Er - I confess also to reading passages aloud in a hokey Received English Shakespearean accent, which - if you are unfortunate - I might even record and post here^.
     The second reason is that he makes clear the complex and detailed planning, knowledge, liaison, forecasting and preparation that goes with commanding a force of 5 divisions - the Australian Corps.  Reading this is splendid corrective to the woeful "Lions led by donkeys" approach to the First Unpleasantness. As examples I shall provide details that Monash mentions in regards planning and execution.
     First of all, the 17th Armoured Car Battalion.  This was a force of Austin armoured cars - ART! stop chewing coal and get working!

The beast in question.  Go to the head of the traffic jam!

     During the Battle of Amiens, twelve of these 5-ton monsters got well behind the Germans lines, after being towed over broken ground by tanks.  Twelve armoured cars amounts to thirty six men with twenty four machine guns, who caused utter havoc amongst the rearward German formations, headquarters and supply columns.  Their commanding officer came from the cavalry, who - then and after - were criticised for being too fond of "harooshing".  In this instance the Arme Blanche seems to have harooshed with particularly deadly effect.

our search - harooshing - did not match any image results.

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                                                             Ha!  Conrad broke the internet!

     Then we have the Australian artillery.  Monash makes the point that the German artillery didn't have to be blown to bits entirely for it to be rendered ineffective - having their gunners hiding from a shrapnel barrage or blinded by combined gas and smoke was just as effective and a lot easier to manage.  The perfidious Ozzies also took verrrrry close notice of where German artillery moved to before the battle, and continued to pound the old positions, so as not to give away the fact that they knew where the guns really were.  Come the day of battle itself, the newly repositioned German guns were treated to a horribly unexpected bombardment.

About to make Herman rueful

     Then there is mention made of maps and mapping.  This is a vital, if rarely mentioned, factor in battles.  The Australian cartography, lithography and topography experts helped to create and run off tens of thousands of maps for the use of the infantry.  Knowing how to get there, after all, is important if you have to set off from here.
     Monash also describes the importance of aerial photography.  Whilst Biggles was throwing his "bus" around the sky in desperate combat with the bally Hun, the recconnaisance aircraft were taking countless photographs of the German lines, which were then distributed all the way down the chain of command.

Our dashing young aviator

     I do apologise for inflicting another condensed degree thesis, but we're nearly done^^!

     Supply tanks - 

As it says on the tin -

these were either obsolete Mks of tanks stripped of guns (as above), or Birch Gun Carriers dedicated to supplies.  Either way Monash states that he reckoned each tank was worth 200 men in terms of the ability to haul supplies.  Not only that, when empty for the return journey they would carry the wounded back.

Like these, except 60 years earlier.

Well gosh - 1200 words and nowhere near all done. I wonder - should I do a third post tonight ...


* After "Enemy Mine" the sci-fi fillum
** No sniggering at the back!
*** "Swearing" - translation courtesy Mister Hand
^ That'll teach you!
^^ For today.