North Tea Oil Rigs

Back To The Big Bang Bo – Er – Foofoodillies

And the Norks.  You can tell, if that word is pronounced with a sneer, that it refers to the North Koreans.  If said with a merry laugh, then we’re talking about the Norwegians.

     Here an aside.  Thank you to those valiant Norwegian naval special forces, the Marinejaegerkommandoen, keeping our North Sea Oil Rigs safe! And for gifting Conrad with today’s title.

Our Norky hero!

     Anyway.  The Norks, and those Ding-Dong missiles of theirs, which were given a very very specific target.  SO specific, in fact, that The Sulky Fat Lad (the only fat man in North Korea, you’ll find) faced potential embarrassment.  Firstly, it wouldn’t take days and days to program a course into the Ding-Dongs.  No.  It would, however, take days to dismantle, reassemble and microscopically inspect those missiles, to guarantee a successful launch.  You don’t want them to blow up on the launch pad (which has happened) or go POW! In mid-air, as that would make Fat Man* look bad.  He may well have had second thoughts once the missiles miserably large CEP was made known to him.  Threatening to hit international waters and kill a lot of fish is one thing; hitting US territory by accident is another thing entirely in a very bad way indeed.

Another little boy

     I did suspect that the launches might be delayed “for technical reasons” then further postponed, then quietly forgotten about.  Except that the Horny One** probably couldn’t resist braying about it on Twitter.

Hang on, let me just check to see if Ben Folds is still alive – Phew!  Yes, he is, it was just a patch of smog and a clump of vines, not nerve gas and triffids.

Shakespoke

Ah, now if only I had either a time-machine or a resurrection machine***.  I would have the Bark of Avon sitting opposite so I could wreak my ghastly revenge upon him.

     Until that day – and you’ll know when it arrives because I will have taken over – this Shakespoke will just have to do instead.  Let the thumb-pricking commence!

“Lay on, MacDuff”

You big cream puff.

Think you’re tough?

Not half enough!

     That’s from “Macbeth”, which I had dinned into me at “O” level, so much so that I can still recite from it, and if you are BAD I certainly shall.  Here’s a bit more mockery.  I can feel Billy wincing across the centuries.

“Out, damned spot!”

I wish I had not

Been smeared with grot.

To wash I forgot.

     Ha!  Incisive, what?

    

“Something wicked this way comes.”

Slivovitz: brandy made from plums.

The root of many  Balkan woes,

As it turns friends into deadly foes.

     Indeed, this is not stuff to muck about with.  It probably makes a good cleaner if you’re looking to polish tape-heads, or to substitute if you’re short of petrol, but only drink it from thimbles.  Oh, and avoid waving it about near naked flames.

In THIMBLES!

Wondering About The Woman

Yes!  That film again.  It’s been a fruitful source of wibble for the blog, so I don’t care whether you like it or not. 

     First, a quibble.  Steve Trevor keeps saying “Intel” when he really means “Intelligence”.

     NO!

     This is an hideous 21^st Century Americanism that has no place in the First Unpleasantness, and certainly not in the mouth of an officer <Conrad shudders in horror>.  He ought to be saying “Intelligence”.  Look at the 6^th Canadian Infantry Brigade Machine Gun Company war diary – it is composed by the company’s Intelligence officer.

There it is

     However.  That shotgun that Steve totes around to lethal effect – that is realistic.  Pump-action shotguns firing steel shot were an unpleasant novelty that the South Canadians brought to the trenches.  They were handy in size, being more compact that rifles, and they packed a considerable punch.  If you got shot by a Remington, you lay down and ceased to take an interest in proceedings.  The Teutons, being on the receiving end as it were, complained about them and stated them to be unfair weapons.  The South Canadian response was probably along the lines of “What?  Shotguns are debatable – but mustard gas is perfectly okay?”

Late-Breaking News

I see, with some sadness – and yes, this is me being serious for once, make the most of it, doesn’t happen often – that Brian Aldiss has died.

     He may not be well-known, yet he is one of the major figures in British science fiction and therefore the world (if not the home galaxy).  The only work of his that has been translated into film came out as “A.I.”, and seems to be a long way from the source material.

Brian Aldiss lamp
(go and Google it)

     If you can, I recommend “Non-Stop”, “Greybeard” or “Hothouse” for starters.  A rather British take on things, which is the best take there is.

Toodle pip!

   

*  Nuclear pun.

**  After a trumpet.  Nothing salacious here.

***  You are so very very lucky I have neither.  Yet.