LapSangsouchongTop

Again With The Tea Puns!
Humour me on this, please, as an Englishman's home is indeed his castle, and his castle is best decorated with a teapot.  In my case, one full of loose leaf Darjeeling.  And you ought to know about the shocking possibility of the supply of same running low.  Low and expensive.
     I'm not going to carry on with that theme, it's too worrying.
     Anyway, let us go back to that title pun.  There was no Pub Quiz on Thursday, so instead I started to muck about with this bit of kit, my new (birthday present to me) laptop.  Art?

In all it's splendour

     Full of bells and whistles, so much so your humble scribe is somewhat baffled.  We fear change, after all, to adopt a line from that modern philosopher Wayne*.  Plus, I have to adapt to Windows 10, another wretched novelty.  Personally your humble scribe thinks that anything beyond Windows 3.2 is a dangerous innovation.

A thing of beauty!

     Next thing you know there'll be phones that you can carry around with you - WHERE WILL THIS MADNESS LEAD!  
     I am actually composing this deathless prose - does that make it zombie literature? - on the new laptop, which is a little un-nerving.  The touch pad is so silkily smooth it feels strange, and there aren't the Left and Right selector buttons.  Not only that, I sat staring at the wallpaper screen for three minutes before realising that you needed to touch a key to get it started.

So You Want To Press The Self-Destruct Button?
If you remember, we left Your Lair Of Ultimate Evil ($97 million outlay) in a giant mile-wide fireball as the H-Bomb triggered by your self-destruct got rid of all the incriminating evidence and witnesses.  This rather begs the question for the next quality you need -
     DISCREET:  Presumably you wish to survive YLOUE's demise?  In which case you need an escape route.  I would suggest a tunnel for maximum concealment, accessed behind a door labelled either innocuously or worryingly - "Bulk Janitorial Supplies" would do for the former, and "Nuclear Warhead Fissile Assembly Room" for the latter.  You need this escape route to be discreet as you are trying to get away from encumbrances (like minions).
     Please, also, AT ALL COSTS AVOID having a large wall-display featuring the blaring glaring headline "SELF DESTRUCT IN -" and then a counter showing how many minutes (or seconds, if you're a good runner).  If, out of sheer morbid curiosity, you simply must know, have an app on your mobile instead.

Please note: white cats are not supplied with Volcano Lair

Fun With Food
As you ought to know by now, Conrad is a fearful glutton who will happily scoff all the out of date stuff at the back of the fridge.  This does not mean he doesn't appreciate fine food, which is where "Mowgli's" comes in.  Darling Daughter agreed to meet in the Dark Tower and proceed to Mowglis for a birthday tea; apparently it is much easier to do this than think of an appropriate present for Conrad as Dad - I have specific and peculiar needs.

The Dark Tower in all it's sinister glory

     The evening was not to unfold quite as simply as we'd planned, since on arriving at Mowgli's, DD discovered that she'd lost her purse between the Tower and the restaurant.
     Ooops.  Art?

Darling Daughter looking hideously embarrassed and upset.  Well, as much as she gets. 

     I did offer to pay instead, but was rebuffed and thus enjoyed someone else paying for my viands.  Which were jolly tasty - 'Indian street food' it says on the tin, and it's definitely different.  We did have a serving of "Yoghurt Bombs" which we gobbed too quickly for me to get any pictures of.  For the rest -Art?

     There you have Mowgli's Sticky Wings, which were extremely messy, and a tin of Tamarind Treacle Fries, and you can just see my glass of Rose and Cardamom Lassi, easily the best thing on the menu.  Art?

     That's described as a "Chip Butty, Mowgli Style"; the wrap had some pretty hot sauce within.  Lastly - Art?

     Basmati rice with chickpeas soaked in Darjeeling tea.  Yes, Darjeeling tea!
     Which is where we came in -



*  The pundit from "Wayne's World", that reality tv show.