Settle Down, Now
One of the most entertaining and schadenfreuden-laden topics on Youtube's various Reddit-relaying channels is, without a doubt, 'Tree Law'. Nearly all of these tales are from South Canada and I can only think of two that took place here in This Sceptred Isle, where a Tree Preservation Order can be imposed by the local council; this makes it illegal to do anything to a TPO-protected tree. A tip from the old country that the Treacherous Colonial Ingrates would do well to adopt. Not that I'm simmering with righteous rage at their 4th July shenanigans. Well, not much. Well, quite a lot, actually. Art!
Well, an incredible amount, actually
ANYWAY the thing about trees is that people take them for granted, since they have been part of the background for decades, or centuries. The bills that can fall due thus come as an unpleasant surprise.
The tale is narrated by Seventies-HOme Purchaser, hereafter SHOP, who bought a house sitting on an acre-and-a-half of land, next to a subdivision that was run by a Home Owners Association, the HOA of notoriety. SHOP made certain that his property was entirely uninvolved with the HOA, definitively and certainly by checking all the admin background. Art!
The chief selling-point was a 180-year old bur oak squarely in the middle of the front garden, which SHOP's Spouse And Tree afficIoNado, hereafter SATIN, loved, as did his child, who put up a swing on it.
Enter the HOA president, BOb, hereafter HOBO, whom hated SHOP's oak with a passion beyond human understanding, harassing the family for the next TWO YEARS, behaving as if they were HOA members. A year into their moving in, the HOA began to send official-looking notifications about fines, escalating from $50 up to $250. SATIN warned SHOP to keep them for later reference, not trash, shred or burn them, so he paid attention to her and filed them away. HOBO ended up sending a notice that if the tree was not removed within 30 days, the HOA would remove it and bill SHOP for the expense. Art!
This is why AI will never conquer the world
Under advisement from a legal friend, SHOP sent the HOA a 'Cease and Desist' letter, which was signed for and confirmation returned.
All done and dusted, right?
Wrong.
SHOP and SATIN had to leave for her native country, where her grandma had died. Dealing with the funeral and estate took four weeks away from South Canada, and when they returned - Art!
Yes, HOBO had ensured the bur oak had been cut down, removed and even the stump dug up and taken away. When confronted, HOBO gloasted that 'The tree was a hazard to the community. The community decided."
SO YOU HAVE CHOSEN DEATH! as SHOP may have thought but wasn't enraged enough to say.
He posted the above on Reddit and asked for advice, and Reddit really came through for him. Commenter #1 laid it out: 1) Report it to the police as this is a felony crime due to cost involved; 2) Have a consulting arborist visit to assess value and health of the tree; 3) Hire a surveyor to confirm property boundaries; 4) Get an attorney; 5) Do not clear up any of the evidence; 6) Identify the service who cut the tree down. A bur oak of 180 years age would possibly be worth into six figures, and this took place in Texas - where the plaintiff can claim TREBLE damages for an illegally-felled tree. Art!
Then, too, the lumber from the felled tree would be worth a substantial amount. Flouting the C & D also put HOBO and his fellow board members firmly in the wrong, and verrrry deeply so. Oops.
The police were initially uninterested until they heard '180 years old', at which point they got handcuffs in their eyes and took copious notes. The consulting arborist spent 4 hours to determine the oak had been perfectly healthy. The attorney specialising in easement and TREE LAW took the case on contingency (or no win, no fee). The surveyor confirmed the oak had been well inside property lines. Art!
SHOP tracked down the tree service, who co-operated and provided documents given to them by HOBO - that confirmed he'd forged SHOP's signature to get the tree removed. His attorney shouted in glee when this came to light as it turned the case from a civil to a criminal one.
Next bombshell was the consulting arborist's report, which valued the tree at - waitforitwaitforit - $251,400.
<SEVEN MONTH HIATUS>
SHOP's attorney told them to stop posting whilst the case went ahead, so they came back after the criminal case went to court.
HOBO was charged with criminal mischief, forgery and theft, and criminal trespass, found guilty on all four and sentenced to four years in prison. Ooops. Then came the civil case. The HOA's insurance company refused to pay $00.01 as they'd breached their terms of contract. The tree service's insurance company ponied up $200,000.
Four board members were found liable and had to pay $25,000 each. The HOA settled for $75,000 and had to mortgage future dues to manage even that. HOBO had to sell his house to satisfy the civil judgement of $625,000 against him, as well as getting divorced by his wife. Shucks to be you, Bob: four years in prison with no house or wife when you get out. Art!
All told, SHOP got just over $1,000,000 in the various settlements.
The HOA is now fighting within itself as to whether the members want to continue with it, as they are going to have to pay x3 their normal dues to get it back into credit.
SHOP bought another bur oak and is happy waiting another 100 years for it to get up to speed.
Okay, After That Wall Of Text
Allow me to put up a bizarre picture that came up on my news feed for no reason I can identify. Art!
At a guess, round steel light poles are easier to manufacture than square or octagonal ones. The council have begun replacing the old street lamps on Rochdale Road with new, slimline-light versions, which I've noted yet not commented on at all, so why this and why now? Who knows.
Thank You Serhii
Which is the Ukrainian form of the Ruffian 'Sergei', and what follows is definitely the Kozaky poking malicious fun at the orcs. Art!
Trolling taken to the next level. Watch it turn up on mobile phones across Eastern Europe and cause vatniks to froth with rage.
Excuse me for a minute or two, I need to box up the Sunday Stew and check the ginger beer bottles. Back shortly.
Evidence of slight fermentation in the bottles. No idea what it will taste like.
More Blasting From The Past
I think this is the last illo I can put up from 'Cape Canaveral Space Force Museum' that can be explained, which is a consequence of them not having captions, narration or 'See More' about what they put on screen. Art!
A few of these titles are obvious - 'PAD#' is a launch pad and 'SKID STRIP' is for skidding to a halt upon. No, actually it's a military airstrip, that acquired the 'Skid' nickname when the Air Force was landing Snark missiles on it, since they used a landing skid, not wheels. The 'VAB' is the 'Vertical Assembly Building' where the Saturn V was - you may be ahead of me here - assembled vertically. The 'NOTU' is the 'Naval Ordnance Testing Unit' that tests weapons such as SLAMBAMs - 'Submarine Launched Ballistic Missiles'. The 'SAB' is the 'Satellite Assembly Building' where they put together, and occasionally cause to fall over, satellites. The 'OPF' is now obsolete as it was the 'Orbiter Processing Facility' back when the Space Shuttle was still flying. Next to that is the 'SLF' being the 'Shuttle Landing Facility'. The 'ITL' is indeed in the middle of the Banana River, constructed on an artificial island and stands for 'Integrate Transfer Launch', where large rockets from the Sixties onwards were launched.
Finally -
The nights are drawing in. It'll be winter before we know it.
