I'm Going To Ease Into This One

First Of All

If you're not interested to see how naval warfare operates in the 21st century, or if you're a big fan of Mordorvia and Peter The Average, you may want to skip this entire Intro.   However, I WILL KNOW and there will be repercussions*.  

     So, I'm going to acknowledge 'Professor Gerdes Explains', who covers the Special Idiotic Operation by posting a couple of short vlogs per day (on top of his full time day job), and whom has been lamenting his inability to keep his thumbnails up to date.  Art!

     Note the 'Early Edition' title, because these totals are only ever going to be revised upwards, and this vlog is about the Ukrainians now attacking Ruffian ships in the Black Sea, since they've all been chased from the Sea Of Azov.  Art!

     That's another 20 riverine tankers and tugboats attacked in the Black Sea, which is crippling the Ruffian's ability to load up their big ocean-going tankers.  These are the cash-cows of the seas, that export Ruffian crude - not refined products as their refineries are all burning - and prop up the creaking Ruffian economy.  Currently they have no answer to this Bang Bird Blitz, a term I made up myself, and have simply ceased freight transit across the SOA.  Art!

Courtesy 'Jake Broe'

     This is the Sinister-era inland waterway system of Mordorvia, allowing marine freight to move from the Arctic to the Baltic to the Sea Of Azov and the Caspian Sea.  Jake thoughtfully suggested that the Bang Bird Blitz be extended to this network, because marine traffic expense is 1/7th the cost of transporting freight by rail, and 1/20th the cost of road freight.  Fuel permitting.

     ANYWAY we're going to shift from 2026 to 1917, which is either the zenith or nadir of the First Unpleasantness, but still concentrating on naval warfare.  Great Britain - take that, Lavrov! - had the world's biggest navy, an essential requirement for a nation that possessed an international empire, since all those freight routes needed protection.  Art!

     A portrayal of the big-ship big-gun navy that suddenly became a lot more vulnerable with the arrival of Teuton 'Unterseeboots', which was abbreviated to 'U-boats' in the King's English.  Submarines in the King's English.  The Teutons announced unrestricted submarine warfare in February of 1917 against any shipping travelling to Perfidious Albion, meaning their U-boats would sink ships on sight.  By May they had sunk over 500 ships, bringing This Sceptred Isle close to starvation (and the South Canadians into the war), by which time the Admiralty bit the bullet and introduced the convoy system.  Art!

     Instead of crossing their fingers and hoping really really hard, as Mordorvia is currently doing, freight ships were corralled into groups instead of travelling solo.  Yes, this meant they could only travel at the speed of the slowest vessel BUT, and a BUT in flashing neon letters ten feet tall, they could also be protected by an escort of RN warships of the destroyer, frigate and corvette family.  Small ships that could move like **** off a shiny shovel, equipped not simply with guns but also the new-fangled depth charge.

     Convoy losses immediately shrank to minimal levels.  Of course - obviously! - this requires long-term planning, coordination and resource allocation, difficult decisions that the Gremlin in the Kremlin does not not not want to make.

     This history lesson and, to be frank, gloating, is the prelude and lead-in to our last tranche of wargames as identified in the Top 20 by 'The Dice Treasures'.  I like to keep you informed.

4)  "Raiders Of The Deep" By Compass Games

Art!

     Another unusual entry, this game puts you in command of a single Teuton U-Boat, which you need to carefully nurse across 4 years of war and get to the Armistice unsunk, whilst increasing the experience of your crew, rising in rank and sinking as much Allied shipping as possible.  The life of a U-boat crew was quite unpleasant, given the primitiveness of these semi-submersibles and the hazards they faced, and by war's end the 350 total had been reduced by half.  Usually with the death of all aboard.

3)  "Verdun 1916 Steel Inferno" By Fellowship Of Sin Games

Art!

     Because of all the other battles that took place at Verdun?  Another 'Arthur C. Clarke' syndrome sufferer, methinks.

     ANYWAY ANYWAY this one is unusual in focussing on one of the enormously prolonged and bloody attritional battles of the First Unpleasantness, which is rare.  Why so?  Well, the front lines tended not to shift very much, the casualty rates were appallingly high and artillery dominated everything, meaning so did logistics.

     By the illo above you can tell this one is block-and-area instead of hex-and-counter, for the reasons laid out in the above paragraph.  Moves are in months and TDT says it runs for a year, whereas the real thing began in February 1916 and had ended by December 1916.

2)  "Great War Commander" By Hexasim Games

Art!

     This sounds more like it.  A hex-and-counter game, working at the battalion level (nominally from 800 to 1,000 men), and derived from 'Combat Commander'.   Art!

     6 double-sided maps!  Erk.  Over 400 counters and, since it's card-driven, 270  cards.  That's an awful lot of cards.  

     TDT likes it a lot, describing it as 'Really cool' and it seems to be the one most suited to Your Humble Scribe, so it will definitely be both Not In Stock and verrrry expensive on the second-hand market.

1)  "Paths Of Glory" By GMT Games

Art!

This is the original game that spawned 'Pursuit Of Glory' and you can see the Middle East reduced to an inset on the map here.  If that offends you go out and by the latter game.

     ANYWAY another Block-and-counter game, which covers most of Continental Europe.  One presumes that This Sceptred Isle is concealed by the box art cover?  Or else, as this would completely exclude the original Battle of the Atlantic, which is fittingly where we came in.  

     So, that concludes 'The Dice Treasures' look at WW1 wargames.  Perhaps this will impel me to get moving on that 'Tannenberg' game.

Another Thief Of Time Dealt With

A rather smaller one than usual, mind.  This one is only 500 pieces, so pretty much a lightweight.  Art!

     Yes, the title is 'The Book Shop'.  Ten out of ten for accuracy, nil out of ten for originality.  I shall break it up and return to the box this afternoon.

More Ungentle Shoeing

Okay, Art, put down that bowl of coal and get working, you Neanderthal slacker!

     This is Quasimodo, the titular 'Hunchback of Notre Dame', who was ugly on the outside but noble on the inside, which wouldn't cut much ice with the vapid influencers of today, whom possess all the depth of a desert stream in a drought.

     ANYWAY AGAIN let us now put up another illo.  Art!

     Here we see the King Piggy in it's natural habitat, munching on fast food, which at least prevents it from telling lies.  Notice Fat Caligula's right eye, almost swollen shut, and would it be wicked of me to hope Melania had given him a four-knuckled goodnight kiss?

     Conrad is unsure how Donold's handlers and sycophants will massage this picture.  'The President has been shaking a lot of hands with his right eye'?  "He was winking at the camera and yes his winks last for eight minutes and thirty-two seconds."

     O and apropos nothing in particular, I got a bottle of Prosecco last night.  Yes, it's supposed to be a Sober Summer for me, but I reserve the right to crack open said bottle if I read either or both of two obituaries before September 1st.

More Of Mackie

Angus, that is, the British sci-fi artist who seems to belong in the same stable as Anthony Roberts and Chris Foss.  Art!

     I don't recognise this as a book or magazine illustration and, at first, thought it was merely a random futuristic cityscape - until I looked closer.  Art!

     The slogan on the craft at dead centre is 'Time Rescue' and I've highlighted the Houses of Parliament and the Post Office Tower.  So, this is London at an indeterminate date in the future.  You're welcome.

Finally - 

I'm having a cheeky day of unpaid leave as of Thursday, so my cunning plan is to now walk down into Lesser Sodom and catch the weekly market, which I haven't been able to do for probably a year.  Wish me luck.

* The organ bank repositories and the uranium mines, to name but two.

Gloria!

No, Nothing To Do With The U2 Song

By tradition, thought, having mentioned it I can now use an image of said shanty in order to perfectly legitimately attract potential viewers, which is totally not clickbaiting in any way.  Art!

 
     From so long ago The Edge had a full head of hair.  The cover illo for the album is great, consideri

     ANYWAY I was actually referring to the Latin <hack spit> word 'Gloria', which my 'Collins Concise English Dictionary' declares to have an obscure origin.  From this Latin root the French came up with 'Glorie', which eventually got transmuted into -

     Glory!

     Art?

     We're only going to be mentioning this tanks to the title, I've only ever seen bit of the whole film.  Doesn't Denzil look rather cross on that poster?  I don't think the Rebs are going to have a good day.

     ANYWAY AGAIN, as is traditional, we need to define exactly what 'Glory' is, viz: "Exaltation, praise or honour, as that accorded by general consent, or something that brings or is worthy of praise."

     As you might expect, with a concept as grandiose as 'Glory' there's a lot of references to it as people variously try to hog or bask in it.  For a start, 'Brewer's' goes on about DOXOLOGY and 'Gloria in Excelsis' which has a suspiciously religious ring to it and no, I'm not going to look up DOXOLOGY, which sounds faintly rude.  Art!

     Well well well, what the Hades.  It's derived from the Greek <spit hack> 'Doxa', which means - 'Glory'.

     Enough of Gloria!  Let us move on to plain old 'Glory', which is also present in 'Brewer's' as the less than wonderful 'GLORY HOLE', which is defined as a small room, box room, small closet or cupboard or similar, where miscellaneous bric-a-brac, flotsam and jetsam, rubbish, keepsakes and mementoes are stored.  A midden, in other words.  Art!

     Erk.  This is what the AI Art Generator thinks a 'midden' is.  Rather unsettling if you ask me.  Then we have -

HAND OF GLORY: Conrad unsure where the glory comes from with this one.  This was the hand of a dead man, preferably one who had been hung, which was severed and soaked in oil, then used by witches for nefarious purposes.  What nefarious purposes?  O I thought you'd never ask!  Art?

     When used by burglars, it would send anyone in the targeted premises into a coma, and automatically unlock any doors it was brandished at, making the theft that much easier, although, once again, entirely lacking in glory.

KNICKERBOCKER GLORY: 'A rich confection consisting of ice cream, jelly, fruit and cream.  It is not clear what connection, if any, it has with KNICERBOCKERS.  Art!

     All of this preamble is but a preamble to the real Intro, which deals with another tranche of 'The Dice Treasures' Top 20 WW1 wargames.  The reason I went on and on about 'Glory' is that it turns up in the title of 5 of these games, (including the next one), which rather disproves General Sherman's opinion of war, and what did he know about it*?

11) "PURSUIT OF GLORY" By GMT Games

Art!

     From the map you can tell that this game concerns the Middle East.  Also the box art, by Roger MacGowan (a staple in the industry!), depicting El Aurens in full desert garb should give you a clue.  From the map itself you can see that this is also one of those box-and-counter games, rather than what I was looking for in hexed version.   The sharper-eyed amongst you will have spotted the inset map and boxes for Gallipoli.  It is card-driven, another count against it, but at least it's not card only. TDT mentions in passing that it concerns the Great War theatres with a lot of movement as compared to the Western Front and is highly regarded amongst gamers.  Art!

     There you go, a few of the boxes now populated with counters.  You're welcome.  

12)  "Wings Of Glory" By Ares Games

Art!

     More glory, this time rather better placed than an oily hand.  From the illo above you can tell what Conrad rather sniffily dismissed as 'Planes' in his notes.  You can see that the game uses miniature planes, so why not go the whole hog and just use a set of wargame rules and a hexsheet?  

13)  "1914 Twilight In The East" By GMT Games

Art!

     Another game focussing on the first few months of 1914 when armies were rattling around the battlefield at a rate of knots, this one is about the campaigns in Poland and Galicia between the Tuetons, Austro-Hungarians and Ruffians.  SORRY!  Russians, they were the good guys then.  Russians.  TDT mentions how accurate and complex the game is, as, judging by the size of the map above, this is a genuine monster game.  Normally this kind of game would be right up my street, except we've already been here, several times.

14) "Fatal Alliances The Great War 1914 - 1918" By Compass Games

Art!

     I am informed that this one is a WW1 variant of the WW2 'World In Flames' original, which immediately makes me suspicious about shoe-horning historical reality into concordance with an existing ruleset.  Still, it is hex-and-counter, and it looks to have the Western, Eastern, Italian and Middle Eastern fronts represented.  Comprehensive if nothing else.

15)  "Europe In Turmoil" By Compass Games

Art!

     Another box-and-counter game, this time from Compass Games, who seem to take a positive delight in seeing the Europeans blow themselves up.  Another card-driven game, intended only for two players, whom adopt either the liberal, democratic nations or the authoritarian dictatorships.  Conrad unsure where this leaves the Ruff Russians as they were allied with the democracies yet were an unmitigated despotism.  The more things change .....

     Righto, I think that's enough pondering on the First Unpleasantness.  We need a lot of pictures to combat that wall of text above.

'Izumrud' Sits In The Mud

Some eight years ago this FSB patrol ship was part of an unprovoked attack on a flotilla of Ukrainian ships.  The Kozaky have long memories when it comes to revenge.  Art!

     To upper port is a 'Sargan 3000' Unmanned Naval Drone, then at upper starboard is the Izumrud being a bottomhole, and the bottom two show the Izumrud, hull shattered apart, sitting on the harbour silt.  Another $6 million down the plughole.

Whilst On The Subject Of Marine Mayhem -

The orcs seem to be getting desperate, as they keep trying to sneak ships past the Ukrainian drone blockade in the Sea Of Azov.  Last total we had was yesteryon, that being Tuesday, when it was 105.  Art!

     You can tell if it's green -

     Firepoint's on the scene.

     133!  I doubt any of these ships are getting into harbour in order to be able to unload supplies, and if they got that far, one suspects Pretty Flamingo might pay them a visit.

Further Ungentle Shoeing

I Snipped this unflattering portrait of King Piggy - looking especially porcine - from the news feed thumbnails that update every so often, so it's unlikely this image will ever be around again.  Thus, cherish it for what it is.  Art!

     The Sagging Stroke Syndrome mouth is usually on the other side, so perhaps he's only sucking a lemon this time.  Pay attention to how much attention has been lavished on his Hair Helmet, as his hair continues to thin and retreat.  Poor hair.  Stuck permanently to his epidermis.

More Of Angus McKie

He's the British sci-fi artist whose work was mentioned yesteryon, notable for verrrry detailed artworks, which have graced many magazine and book covers.  Conrad has purchased a few of these in the dim and distant past, and recognises others, if not their titles.  Art!

     Conrad is pretttty sure this was used as the cover illustration, possibly for one of the 'Perry Rhodan' series.  Let me do a bit of digging.  

     Ha!  Art?

     The plot seems to be Things Exploding than mind control but as I've not read it cannot say definitively.

Finally -

There are definite signs that the manager's manager at my still coyly un-named employer has changed, in a good way.  Which I will not elaborate upon, just to be secretive.  Heh.

*  Rather a lot, actually, if you must know.

THE DANGERS OF A BREWER'S DICTIONARY!

I Only Half Apologise For The Block Capitals

Making a point.  Note that we only used a single exclamation mark, because we're British here and don't believe in Continental levels of drama.

     Here's a bit of foreshadowing.  Art!

     So! this Intro is coming to you from an entirely unexpected news source that I came across whilst looking up something else entirely.  This is what I like to call the 'Brewer's' syndrome, that being the 'Brewer's Dictionary Of Phrase And Fable' wherein you look up one item <selects at random> 'MIDDLE TEMPLE' which is defined as one of the INNS OF COURT, and which item also goes on to mention INNER TEMPLE - meaning another two items you need to check out, and then there's also the risk of another item on those pages catching your eye.  Art!

Inner Inner Temple

     The howling irony here is that I came across this Item's (eventual) focus when looking up background on teh interwebz for 'The Lamp Of Phoebus'.

     First of all, we're once again going to need to define terms.  Harking back to our first picture, if I were to say 'Cartel' then you'd immediately jump to thoughts of the Mexican drug cartels whom are determined to supply wicked illegal drugs to South Canada.  Not noted for their gentlemanly manner and definitely not the kind of people to introduce to Mom and Pops.  Art!

     HOWEVER we are dealing with an entity that predates these bounders by a good 100 years, so let's look at the dictionary definition of 'Cartel': "A collusive international association of independent enterprises, formed to monopolise production and distribution of a product or service, control prices, etcetera.  From the German 'Kartell' via French and Italian 'Cartello', a written challenge."

     Great, glad we got that out of the way.  Next, we have to deal with another deeply immoral and unethical aspect of capitalism, especially South Canada: Planned Obsolescence.  This is where manufacturers deliberately plan, plot and variously conspire to render their artefacts liable to fall apart or fail or become useless.  In today's technology-driven society this means having to update to Windows 11 from Windows 10 but in the past it was more about physical artefacts.  Art!

     That's Phoebus driving the horses of the sun across the sky, as the Greeks and Romans fondly believed astronomy to be.  Art!

     Welcome to the 'Phoebus Cartel', a conglomeration of international lightbulb producers of the world, back when the incandescent bulb was the only game in  town.  Art!

     These reprehensible scammers constituted a who's-who of industrial companies: General Electric (South Canada), Osram (Germany), Tungsram (Hungary), AEI (Great* Britain), Compagne des Lampes (France), Tokyo Electric (Japan) and Philips (Holland).  Born into wretched existence in 1925 and only brought to an end by the Second Unpleasantness in 1939: they had planned this cartel to last for 30 years, the utter cads.  

     What did they do that was so terrible?  Well, before the cartel the standard life for an incandescent bulb was 2,500 hours; they conspired to bring this down to 1,000 hours, a 40% reduction.  If we look at the year 1930 as an example, the cartel sold 420 million light bulbs.  At about 30 cents per bulb that works out at $84 million, and these are the prices of almost a century ago.  Art!

A metaphor

     The cartel had teeth.  If a producer manufactured light bulbs that exceeded the 1,000 hours limit, they got fined, the amount depending on how efficient/unprofitable/long-lived <delete where necessary> they were.  One of the Swiss members came out with a quote that encapsulates the whole cartel's attitude and motivation: "After the very strenuous efforts we made to emerge from a period of long life lamps, it is of the greatest importance that we do not sink back into the same mire by paying no attention to voltages and supplying lamps that will have a very prolonged life."

     Gotta keep those profit margins high!  Except, you know, that World War Two thing that put members on opposite sides and killed the cartel.

     However - a word you surely knew was going to crop up - that 1,000 hour standard that they decided upon a century ago is still the industry criteria, so you can they had the last laugh.  Art!

     Up to a point.  Conrad is happy to point out that GE, as above, got into very hot water in 1949, when the South Canadian Supreme Court took them to court over their anti-trust activities.  They lost, and subsequently got hit with civil measures that broke up their monopoly, viz: 1)  They had to break up their connections with other cartel members; 2)  Certain patents were gifted to the public for free, gratis and nothing;  3)  Their competitors were to be given access to the GE patents at reasonable prices.  Art!

Points and laughs

      

     What you might call Phoebusted.

Sea Levelled

No apologies for yarking on about the hot topic of the moment, which is the Ukrainians making the Sea Of Azov a very, very no-go area for Ruffian shipping.  The SOA is the small inland sea north of the Black Sea, with the only access being via the Kerch Straits.  Normally it's a bustling hub of marine activity as the orcs send freighters full of grain south into the Black Sea, and small riverine tankers that offload fuels to onto much larger Aframax or Supermax tankers for global forwarding.  Art!

     Impressively large, nicht wahr?  Except it's not going to get loaded if the riverine tankers aren't sailing out to meet it.  

     Now for a telling marine map from 'Jake Broe'.  Art!

    As is hugely obvious, the SOA is empty, empty, EMPTY!  The merchant marine (and Ruffian navy) are hiding in and off Novorossiysk in the south - Art!

     This is risky for the small riverine tankers as they are not designed for work on the open sea, and a storm will split them in half and sink them.  Art!

     Other marine traffic is being held up at Rostov-on-Don, where there is now a bottleneck, as they're not being permitted to transit the SOA.

     Oooops!

Sorry, Couldn't Resist

Art!

     IT'S ALIVE!

     Art?

     You can see the family resemblance.

Dead Can't Dance

No!  Not the band Dead Can Dance, Art!

     I had one of their EPs back in the mid-Eighties, which w

     ANYWAY one of the more interesting news items from South Canada is the overnight demise of Senator Linseed Greyman (Lindsay Graham if we're being formal), who was responsible for licking Donold's shoes to a high shine.  He was definitely pro-Ukraine, but only as far as Donold was willing to go, which is to say not at all.  Donold has consistently stalled anything positive for Ukraine, so the conspiranoid swivel-eyed loonwaffles postulating that Linseed was poisoned because the bill was about to get enacted are verrrrry wide of the mark.  Art!

     Much more apposite is whether Linseed shook hands with Judge Death Vance recently, because that's a much more likely conspiracy.  

     ANYWAY AGAIN Linseed's out-of-turn dropping dead has rather taken the spotlight from, by acting as a metaphorical lightning-conductor, from Mitch McConnell.  Mitch, whose favourite film is 'Frozen'**, was last seen in public on June 11th.  There was an undisclosed 'medical event' at his home on 14th June, and he hasn't been seen alive since.  Various members of the Wizard Lizard Gizzard Party are assenting, without evidence, that they've had long phone convos with Mitch or even joined him in jitterbugging across the ward floor.  Art!

BOOJUM! remaining tasteful

     Conrad remains unconvinced, especially as one of the 'proof of life' photographs is from 2023.  Why they're keeping Mitch's status a secret is rather a mystery; he had long given up the position of Majority Leader in the Senate, acknowledging his failing health, so it's nothing to do with remaining in office.  Possibly a verrrry embarrassing and sordid end circumstance involving goats   <REDACTEDREDACTED>?

Finally -

Going out with a Biercism.

"Admirability,n: My kind of ability, as distinguished from your kind of ability."

*  HA! Eat it, Lavrov!

**  I know, I know, low-hanging fruit and all.