It's In The Trees

Indeed It Is

Not the way you were expecting, mind, as that's a quote from the classic horror film 'Night Of The Demon', said during a seance and also sampled for a Kate Bush - how very appropriate! - song if I recall despite old age and gin.  Art!

     Apologies for omitting the exclamation mark but we can't have unseemly levels of emotion here, the blog is British after all.

     ANYWAY I thought I'd begin with a few mythical trees, just to whet your appetite for dendrochronology, which is the study of trees, I think, go look it up if you doubt.  Firstly we introduce the Pink Bunkadoo, and if Art will put down his bowl of anthracite and milk -

     It's distinctive characteristics are that it is 600 PROUD IMPERIAL FEET high, bright pink in colouration and stinks to high heaven.  The latter two facts being why it never caught on with arborists.  Art!

     There's a lot going on here, so let Conrad explicate.  This tree is 'Yggdrasil', from Norse mythology, which forms the foundation for the 'Nine Worlds', clearly long before Pluto was removed from planetary status and moved instead to planetismal, wh

     ANYWAY, Yggdrasil.  Big tree.  Bigger than the Solar System, meaning the Norse might have puzzled where it was in the heavens.   Art!

     In the background here is 'Egig Ero Far', which you will all recognise as Magyar for 'The Tree That Reached The Sky', the Hungarian equivalent of Yggdrasil, except they were a little more elegant and only had three levels: the roots, which were in the underworld; the trunk, which was the mortal world Hom. Sap. gambolled in; the crown, or celestial regions.  

     ANYWAY AGAIN now that we've got the beginning of the Intro out of the way, and determined that it's all about trees, allow me to pick up on the TREE LAW case that we addressed yesteryon, the DeFranco Deforestation Devastation.  Not to prejudice you the audience.  Art!

     What you see is the 'After' shot after the bad doctor neighbour Leo Eliezer had a tree company cut down 178 trees.  Here the plot congeals a tad.  He claims that his engineer gave the DeFrancos plans of the grading and clearing that was to be carried out, which were approved.  'Approved' by whom is not clear; both homes are part of a Home Owners Association, which says the changes were NOT authorised and the tree-felling ought never to have happened as it breached HOA contractual compliance.  Oooops.  I bet you never saw that coming: an HOA acting in a positive manner.  The Bad Doctor - take that, Eliezer, you've been capitalised! - also claims that the DeFrancos signed off on the changes and he has proof of same.  Art!

Devin Stone, the 'Legal Eagle'

     Both Conrad and Devin find this hard to swallow.  Signing away almost 200 trees that formed the privacy barrier you were verrrrry invested in?  It does not seem likely.  Conrad isn't sure if the discovery process has begun yet; when it does, this document needs to make an appearance.  Linz DeFranco mentioned that the Bad Doctor had sent them documents about the upcoming changes; neither of the DeFs had signed them, and informing a party of upcoming plans does not imply consent.

     Devin, technical lawyer head firmly in place, then looks at Georgia's 'Self-Help' rules.  Which need to determine how intrusive the trees were and how much they encroached on Eliezer's property, DESPITE which said rules - usually applied to overhanging branches or intruding roots - do not give carte blanche to trespass and fell trees.  Art!

Do I need to add 'Before'?

     Devin also mentions 'Conversion', a legal term completely different from 'Trespass', where a person gains profit from illegal possession of another's property.  In this case it's all the felled lumber - where did it go, since it certainly wasn't left on site?  The Bad Doctor is going to have to explain this.  Art!

     Devin also uncovered legal details about Georgia's 'Wrongful Cutting Statute' statutes that might prove worrying in a future trial, as they include the x3 multiplier that other states use in Tree law cases.  Then there's the 'Timber Self Help Statute', which is another law including the x3 multiplier, and which might also mulct the Bad Doctor for trespassing charges, too.  Yes, he can be charged with trespass even if he never crossed the neighbour's boundary line IF he authorised the tree-cutting crew to carry out trespass.  Art!

     Another wrinkle - the tree-cutting company might also be held as having behaved 'Wilfully' in legal parlance, especially if they knew the trees were on a neighbour's property, not the contracting party, and any felling needed permission from the DeFrancos.

     Wowsers, a lot of legal detail to contend with, all thanks to the neighbour being an entitled bottomhole, who seemed more inclined to ask for forgiveness than permission.

     I think we can call a halt here, as there is yet ANOTHER Tree Law case to come, this one about a Japanese Maple.  I bet you can hardly wait.

Being All Literary And Shizzle

Conrad cannot possibly lay claim to any intellectual status, thanks to his love of zombie films and superhero comics.  I might be able to fudge it a bit, though, thanks to having read a few works defined as 'classics', as in - Art!

     

     Conrad has read 'The Odyssey', many decades ago.  The thing I took away from it was the last third, which consists of Odysseus' plotting and planning his revenge, then executing it, and I mean 'executing' in the literal sense. Art!

     No, I haven't read it, but I think I have a knock-off version of it in the Book Mountain.  Art!

     Aware of, not read.  

     Proof I am not the closet intellect you might suspect.

More Bad News For BOOH

There's quite a bit, so let me focus.  You may not recall that E Jean Caroll won her case against King Piggy several years ago, as it's several years ago.  He has spent the intervening years in trying to kick the can down the road and avoid paying up, by appealing endlessly - well, 13 times - in the hope that something will stop the payment process.  

     Alas no.  Art!

Original verdict May 2023

     His case was finally referred to the Supreme Court, the final final final court in South Canada, who unanimously rejected it, 9-0.  Done.  Dead.  Kaput.  Nul.

     What will be interesting now is seeing how Fat Caligula will react to this verdict.  He will, of course, rant and tant about it, blathering about how unfair it all is, how much gold there is in the White House, how hot Natalie is - SORRY Melania, I meant Melania.  His brain is likely to implode a little when he realises he LOST.  Conrad suspects there will be a refusal to pay until legally forced to do so, because Don Snoreleone has long had his funds tied up - legally, 'encumbered' - in property, rather than being liquid and available.  

      Yes, Donold, look askance.

     Bring on the buckets of popcorn!

The Beauty Of Bruce

Pennington, that is.  I hope you appreciate all the artwork we're putting up here, and the hours that Brucie put into his creations.  Art!

     Note the 'Title gap' at the top of the picture.  I seem to recall that this is a book cover I've seen on the shelves, probably a 'Dune' variant.  Ol' Brucie likes his flying craft in multiples receding into the distance, doesn't he?   Not sure the FAA would approve of a flight pattern like that.  Art!

     Close if absent cigar.  Deffo looks like a Guild Heighliner to me.

     Images courtesy of the 'Sci-Fi Art' Youtube channel.

     Actually, reading a couple of blurbs about 'Equator', I may have read it fifty or so years ago.  

Finally -

I'm currently annotating a Youtube channel called 'How Not To Die' and their vlog 'Everything Zombie Movies Get Wrong About Survival', because you'd better believe Conrad will have his own input.  For instance:'Norway, the land designed to be zombie-proof' with more to come.  I bet you can hardly wait.

Tree Of Knowledge Or Knowledge Of Tree?

You May Be Ahead Of Me Here

So I shall try shifting tracks in order to throw you off the scent, as it's a bit irksome if your audience are cleverer than you are.  Art!

     Hay Pesto, the Tree of Knowledge, more mouthfully known as 'The Tree Of Knowledge Of Good And Evil', one dendron paired with the Tree Of Life in the Garden of Eden.  God warned Adam and Eve 'Thou shalt not eat of it' which OF COURSE meant they just had to try a nibble at one of the apples, since nothing tempts like forbidden fruit.  Then they were gifted with the knowledge of Good and Evil, although the opportunities to practice either in the great outdoors when there's only two of you must be limited.  Thus they were banished from Eden, having to learn animal husbandry and the three-field system, also double-entry book-keeping.

     ANYWAY I am indebted to my 'Brewer's' for a whole lot of fabled information about different species of trees.  Art!  

  

     That's an Ash tree, supposedly benign and a healer.  Not if you've read the M. R. James ghost story about an ash tree, which I won't go into lest you get the squitters.  Art!

'Benign' my hairy hindquarters!

     Then there's the Birch, allegedly able to protect babies from fairies yet not schoolboys from hostile masters.  Or the Elder, that guards against disease and cures it.  Call me a cynic but I think I'd prefer a GP to a tree, even if it is hard to get an appointment.  Art!

     In contrition, Conrad has to admit that Elderflower Cordial is jolly nice stuff but wouldn't it be cheaper if they sold it in plastic bottles?  Just a worldly thought.

     I could go on, and probably will, but we need to more on to the second part of today's title rather than listing fifteen hundred species of trees and their mythical qualities, such as the exquisitely dangerous Bottle 'o Beer Tree, that needs to be drained daily.

     So!  Who needs to know all about trees?  Lawyers, attorneys and solicitors, that's who, because trees are extremely Dog Buns! expensive to replace when felled in error, spite or greed.  We've gone over many cases of Tree Law on the blog, which has still not exhausted the subject, since Hom. Sap. are always falling foul of it.  Art!

     The sardonic, if not saturnine, Devin Stone, who runs the 'Legal Eagle' Youtube channel and who manages to make case law entertaining and amusing.  He brought up 3 'Tree law' cases recently, one of which we covered in great depth thanks to it being resolved.  What 'Tree law' afficionados fail to mention is that their cases often take years to get resolved; one on Youtube I read last week took SIX YEARS to arrive at a trial and verdict.

     Let us now move onto Devin's second case, involving a friend of his channel: Philip DeFranco, whom has his own Youtube channel.  Phil and wife Linzi moved back to Georgia in 2024 from California, buying a property with an enormous array of woodland on their side of the boundary line, thanks to a previous owner buying up an adjacent lot for privacy purposes.  Art!

     Phil and sproglets enjoying brekker undisturbed by anyone else.  Definitely 'Before'.

     Their neighbour, Dr. Leo Eliezer, had a retention pond that he wanted to fill in, whatever one of those is.  Hang on - Art!

     It retains water, such as rainwater, and releases it slowly into river systems, trapping heavier pollutants in the sediment.

     The bad Doctor approached the DeFrancos, saying that he wanted to remove 'a couple' of trees on their property for this home renovation project, that he would mark and indicate which were to go, and would notify them before anything was felled.

     A year passed with nothing happening.  Then, suddenly in November 2025 -

     THE TREES WERE ALL GONE!  He lied.  There was no communication, just a mass felling of lumber, with the stumps also being removed, which is quite a job.  Art!

     Most definitely the 'After' shot.  Linz took up the legal cudgels on this one, as presumably Phil has a full-time legal job and wished to avoid a busman's holiday.  Her Tik Tok - whatever that is - video got 3 million views and a flood of people chorusing 'TREE LAW!  TREE LAW!' and pushing for at least nuking the bad Doctor.  

     Linz went the approved non-nuclear route, consulting an arborist, who came out and assessed that 178 trees had been removed, which would cost - sit down here before your knees weaken - $237,000 to replace.  On top of which there would need to be another $263,000 for landscape and ecology remediation.  A cool half-million dollars in total.  This is why Tree Law can get verrrry costly.  Art!

Linz lawyering up

     The DeFrancos - I like to put the plural there to indicate that Phil is providing moral support and beer-drinking services whilst the suit is ongoing - are also getting a professional surveyor to mark out the boundary lines to determine exactly where there land is and isn't.  Not as satisfying a nuking your neighbour but it counts for more in the legal long term.

     I am going to call a halt here as there are more juicy details to deliver, and also Devin weighs in with a legal perspective on what happened.  Be advised that this is 9 months after the event and don't expect any resolution until probably this time next year.  

October In Switzerland

Hmmmm to judge from what you see, this month is a lot more pleasant than the grey foggy soggy boggy melange of melancholia we here in This Sceptred Isle have to cope with.  Art!

     Ami from 'Flavour Trip' disporting in a short skirt and sleeveless top, meaning temperatures aren't too low.  Surprisingly enough when situated next to a racing river up in the foothills of the mountains.  Berne, we are told.  I rather wonder if they didn't record it a few months earlier and release it later.

     ANYWAY being used as background music.

In Complete Contrast

Conrad is still looking at the list of post-apocalyptic novels from the website that began by looking at those similar to 'Greybeard', the novel by Brian Aldiss.  Art!

     Well, I recognised the next one on their list.  Art!

     The title is Latin for 'God of Wrath' and the deity invoked in this novel brings about World War Three and the destruction of nearly all civilisation.  It's actually a collaboration with Roger Zelazny, that both authors wrote intermittently over at least seven years, and one day Conrad might sit down and work out who wrote what.  Yes, there's probably a website that already analysed it, but where's the fun in that?  Caution, deals with religious philosophy quite as much as rogue robots and hyper-intelligent rats.

     Edited to add: there are 10 entries per page and I just spotted this at the bottom - Art!

Whilst On The Subject Of Books

I was even badder and ordered another book from Abebooks this morning.  Art!

     Since brewing my ginger beer has been so simple and rewarding.  I did have a glass of the 'light' bottle yesteryon as it was my birthday, and look forward to the other 3 bottles once the dry season ends 28/08/2026.  Art!

     I have vague memories of trying homebrewing a good forty years ago and cannot remember anything except you need a hydrometer to measure proof.

Ask A Leading Question

Of late, the media re now full of stories and pictures of Natalie Harp, Donnie Dorko's shadow who seems to have suddenly moved into the limelight.  Art!

Someone's had their Weetabix

     Her nickname is 'The Human Printer' because - she prints things?  Officially she's a 'Special Assistant and Executive Assistant' to him, so one presumes she types out his Truths, as he was barely literate before his brain transubstantiated (I encountered that one in my 'Collins Concise' this morning) into mashed potato.

     The counterpoint to Natty, of course - obviously! - is asked by 'The Guardian'.

     Hiding!

     Sweepstake on when the divorce occurs, anyone?

Pop Culture

NO!  This Is Not About My Ginger Beer

Although the latest batch is coming along fine.  I did the cracking-of-the-seals yesteryon and they barely hissed when opened, meaning the fermentation has almost ceased.   As a result I may have a chilled glass from the weakest-brew bottle to celebrate being officially an Old Dastard on Monday, whatever day you're reading this.  Art!

     Who is this?  O  I thought you'd never ask!  Meet Robert* Southey, the poet, who was the man coining the phrase 'pop' when he heard the cork being pulled from a bottle of carbonated swill.  Or 'beverage' as he was all poetic, like.  Art!

     There they are, the rascals.  Conrad will miss their effervescent rage when the cap is cracked of a morning as the contents roil and threaten, since they give off a really nice musty ginger scent.  Which is to be expected.  Were they to whiff of mangosteen I'd be worried.

     ANYWAY that, as per usual, is what we're not talking about.  Instead, we're going back to that font of froth 'The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway' and Part Two of our approach to the lyrics of 'Broadway Melody of 1974'.  So-called because the song is from 1974.  Which is to be expected.  Were the title to reference 1874 I'd be worried.  Art!

Peter the petunia

     Yes, in response to your unanswered question, we have already covered the lyrics to BMO1974, but not the liner notes, which are another story in themselves.  Art!

     This is the original layout, deliberately confusing and obtuse you might think, and you'd be right.  The CD version is at least laid out legibly.

     So, onto the notes, which mention Bing Crosby, crooning about 'dollar collar'.  Remember this is from 1974, when nobody had a clue about how ruthless and mercenary Bing was, so Peter hit the nail on the head by accident.  Art!

"Bing's mask slipped for a moment"

     Conrad unsure what the pencil is for - signing a contract after being dipped in blood?  Bing might be considered the closest thing to a 'pop' singer in this whole set of notes.  Art!

   That's Martin Luther King, to whom Peter attributes the jolly command 'Everybody sing!' before ringing the liberty bell.  Art!

      More pop culture for you, since which program uses 'The Liberty Bell' march as it's theme tune?  Yes, 'Monty Python'.  Which is acceptable.  If it were the 'Nine O'Clock News' I would be mildly bothered.
     Next up in this parade of paradigms is 'Leary, weary of his prison cell, walks on heaven, talks on hell.'

     Art!

     Say how'dyeto to Timothy Leary, South Canadian psychologist and counter-culture cove, who pushed for everyone to take LSD and trip out all the time.  The Establishment did not take kindly to a qualified psychologist putting forth such ideas and he spent time in prison for possessing marijuana.  That line about 'walks on heaven, talks on hell' may be a sly reference to 'The Doors Of Perception' by Aldous Huxley, which is as far down the rabbit hole as we're going today.  Art!

     Not being bothered with such nonsense as good taste, Peter goes on to invoke JFK, and a drink I'd never heard of: Orange Julius.  Let me dig - 

     It's made from orange juice concentrate, milk, sugar, vanilla extract, egg white powder and ice.  Hmmmm.  Probably not the best drink for a diabetic <sighs heavily> but props to Pete for picking a cocktail so obscure at the time, as we are talking 50 years gone.  He also mentions another drink: Lemon Brutus.  Is this a thing?  <checks>  Nope.  Art!

     No such thing extant.

     And now - boring reality intervenes.  'Medicare'.  Kudos to a British musician and lyricist knowing that this institution even exists, although he uses it as an introduction to bring in more poppers: "Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers are dancing through the air" O rly?  What's holding them up, audience anticipation?  Force fields?  Piano wire?  Art!

     It's a bit hokey, having to resort to state medical care to rhyme with a pair of hoofers.  Then Pete trots out 'Stars and Stripes' the song not the magazine.  Art!

      - once again we put forward another item we're not talking about, since it is a lot more immediate than a music score.
     The liner notes end with 'Then the blackout'.  In case you're not counting, this is the third time Rael, our protagonist, may have died, meaning everything that follows is what his quickly-cooling brain delivers up.  Ha! take that interpretation, Gabriel!

 

You Absolutely Do Not Need To Pimp 'Abebooks' To Me

The adverts for the website keep on popping up on Youtube.  Art!

     They reallllly don't need to promote this site, for did I not go on their website last night and order another 'The Mediterranean And Middle East' Volume I of the Official History?  Well yes I did because I was bad.

  
      For the bargain price of £30, which is so low it would have been rude not to buy it. 

A Brace Of Bruce

Since I omitted a Bruce Pennington artwork from the 'Sci-Fi Art' Youtube channel yesteryon, I am going to post two today.  So there.  Take it on the chin and don't look hangdog.  Art!

     Ol' Brucie has come up with what looks like an industrial processing plant of the 22nd century.  Perhaps.  Maybe those big spheres fall off once they're full of properly refined Unobtanium? except the plant workers would need extremely heavy-duty PPE.  Perhaps it's a 'Get Your Sphere Here' plant?  Whichever or whatever, it seems to need a fairly significant vertical component.  Art!

     No, it's not a time-manufactory.  The book is a collection of short stories, so there may be one in there about time, but I'm not going to buy it and read all the stories to satisfy your curiosity.  Art!

     What you're looking at appears to be a military science-fiction cover illo, with the soldiery clad in rather insectile armour or spacesuits or both.  I seem to recall seeing this as a cover, for one of the 'Stainless Steel Rat' novels possibly?  There may be a confirmation picture after the one above, let me check.  

     Conrad triumphant!  There's tricks in the old dog yet.  You have to trust me that I didn't peek ahead.  I have an honest face.

     If you went into this book expecting blood and thunder, think again.  Slippery Jim Di Griz, the anti-hero, avoids violence if possible and killing at all costs, a nice moral compass.  He does steal things, mind, so possibly not quite the most moral character.  Harrison is also one to satirise all the tropes in science-fiction quite mercilessly, to humourous effect.  

Now I Really Am Old

65 if you haven't been keeping track.  Occasionally one gets reminded of how much of a fossil one is, as with the Facebook page for 'Eels'.  Art!

     It's a brilliant album, well worth adding to your collection. The thing is, as the blurb on FB says, it came out 30 years ago.  That was when Butch and Tommy were still in the band and the miserable lyrics of 'Novocaine For The Soul' were being broadcast over the airwaves.  A colleague heard the song and asked me to explain exactly what 'Novocaine' was; artificial cocaine as invented by the Teutons during the Second Unpleasantness as the real thing was so scarce.  

Do You Hate Your Pet?

Conrad keeps seeing adverts for a pet's medical service that crop up as often as do 'Abebooks' ads.  He is not very sanguine about their title.  Imagine if your GP was 'Doctor Slaughter', which is a real doctor's name I've been given when at work.  Art!

     Yes, you read that right: 'Veg'.  Imagine taking a high-spirited dog or your average cat in there and they get offered the Veg service.  Watch out if they branch off into care for Hom. Sap.  

And with that we are done!

I may bloviate later in more detail about Degsy's birthday present whilst eating Wonder Wifey's, we shall see.

*  Excellent first name