We Are Living In The Future

 I Keep Saying This

Because it's true, the world keeps jumping several years if not decades into the future before we are ready for it.  I have kept very quiet indeed about the Artemis II mission lunar flyby, as I hope to come back to it with links and tangents, but this is realllly big news not seen for over 50 years.  Art!

     Normally, given the horrid martial content of BOOJUM! you might believe this is an anti-aircraft missile being launched and about to intercept.  Not a  bit of it - this is the Artemis II launch being witnessed from a passenger aboard a commercial passenger airflight en route.  There are four people aboard the speeding fiery glob atop that smoke-trail, whom have an epic mission to accomplish.  Art!

     Unfortunately they have been rather overshadowed by Donnie Dorko going stark raving mad, taking the spotlight off them, which was probably deliberate as he hates not being the focus of attention.

     They had a bit of toilet trouble, which is one of the least appealing things possible in a sealed environment on a multi-day mission.  Conrad recalls one of the Apollo asstronauts describing the hideous sequence of carrying out a bowel movement in microgravity and ha

     ANYWAY back to the future.  Wow, you know, that almost sounds like an album title, sort of Yes circa 1974.  Perhaps Emerson, Lake and Palmer?  Art!

     As advanced as Artemis II may be, here you have the positive acme of Ukrainian drone warfare.  What you're looking at here is an Unmanned Ground Vehicle dubbed 'ULTRA', which is used to deliver Unmanned Aerial Vehicles to hotspots on the front lines.  The squashy Hom. Sap. element is completely removed, so no multi-mullion dollar episodes of derring-do over enemy territory recovering lost pilots.  Ahem.  Art!

     This is the Ruffian port city of Novorossiysk's oil terminal getting an absolute pasting from Ukrainian Firepoint drones, hit at least six times.  In prior days you would have needed cruise or ballistic missiles, or aircraft dropping bombs, to manage this level of damage, all of which are expensive.  What you see above was achieved by drones costing $300,000 in total, or a third of a single missile or one per cent for an aircraft.  That's one of the things that must have responsible orcs tearing their hair out, because these drones are cheap and easy to mass produce, so this damage is going to keep happening.  Art!

     This is the Alchevsk Metallurgical Plant, experiencing Ukrainian kinetic sanctions from Firepoint 2 drones, 60 kilometres from the front lines.  The orcs are now vulnerable at the operational level, far behind the contact line where they might have felt reasonably safe from HIMARS and the like.  Sadly not.  Art!

     
     I feel they used auto-translate on that headline.  This is the 'Bulava', designed to reach well behind front lines in order to mess with Mordorvian logistics, as with the Firepoint 2.  As detailed by 'Artur Rehi' on Twitter, the orc's ability concentrate men and supplies in the rear is now being affected.  Art!

     Orcs are now vulnerable in all the red-shaded areas and utterly lack the means to intercept Ukrainian drone swarms.  Art!

     This would have been science fiction a few years ago.  What you're looking at here is a Ukrainian naval drone of the 'Sea Baby' class, stuffed to the gills with high explosive, and now sporting a heavy machine gun.  It isn't new, but this is the first detailed photo I've seen of this new class of naval drone.  The Ruffians discovered the hard way last year about these new, armed, drones, which shot down a helicopter and badly damaged another.  Before, they were able to get close in to the UNVs and machine gun them until they exploded; not any more.  Art!

     Pay attention to Number 4, 'Syvash'.  Art!

 

     Yes, the Ukrainians pasted it with naval drones and missiles.  Let me quote 'Beefeater' over on Twitter about what Mordorvia was using the Ukrainian platform for:

"The Russians used the platform as a base for deploying equipment for surveillance, communication relay, and installing electronic warfare and short-range air defense systems."

     Losing the platform means less electronic eyes and ears available to the orcs, making it easier for Ukrainian drones to control the Black Sea and attack into Crimea.  Art!

     That's the 'Admiral Grigorovich', a Ruffian frigate in harbour at Novorossiysk, in the sights of a Firepoint 2 drone.  Doing a bit of spectating during a drone strike is, one has to say, a rather dicey proposition and they may have lived to regret it.  

     Just to quantify how much damage these kinetic sanctions have inflicted, anonymous 'Western security officials' stated that $970 million's worth of damage has been done to the Ruffian's Baltic Sea ports, and $200 million of oil has been burned.  Also, no tankers have been able to load for two weeks.  You can't profit from high oil prices if you cannot export your oil.

     This is us, living in the future!

Don't Ask Me, I Have No Idea

I doubt Pumpkinhead has, either.  Art!

     It's April, so this can't be a mad March hare.  Ergo, it must be a rabbit.  Why it's seven feet tall and upstaging Trump I have no idea, apart from finding it very creepy.  Watch out, children - it might be hiding under your bed!

The Comedy Of Errors

I know part of BOOJUM!s charter is to steer clear of politics, but honestly, the farrago unfolding in Hungary at present is irresistible.  You see, there is a General Election being held on April 12th, and the polls are verrrry bad for the Weretoad, Viktor Orban, who is going to end up being Loser Orban.  Art!

     'Trailing' is putting it mildly, he's twenty-two points behind his main competitor, Peter Magyar, whose lead has actually increased.  Art!

     Which has resulted in a series of shenanigans cooked up by Orban and the FSB, who are desperately trying to fiddle a win for him.  First it was them going to set up a fake assassination in order to curry sympathy.  Then it was simple bribery, offering food and drink in return for votes.  Most recently it was a fake bomb plot.  Art!

     Supposedly, the wicked Ukrainians placed a bomb on the Serbian-Hungarian gas pipeline, a claim the Serbs immediately scotched.  In fact Orban's campaign has but one theme: blame Ukraine for everything, which is why there are more posters of Prez Zed in Budapest than there are of Orban.  Also - Art!

     Yes, Donnie Dorko sent that black hole of charisma, J D Vance, to stump for Orban.  Probably because the Weretoad is the only person who makes DJ Tango look slim by comparison, and Putin ordered him to do so.  Rumour has it that every time Vance spoke, Orban lost another 50,000 votes.

     Things are not going well when you get booed at your own political party rallies.  

     Bring your popcorn.

Yet Another 'What On Earth?' Moment

Allow me to post a Snip of an item from Twitter.  Art!

     Who what where why when?  I am guessing that this is a sports item, but that's as far as I get.  Whoever posted it was really leaning heavily on their audience already being clued in.  

The Food Dude

More satire from 'Daractenus', the Romanian wag who took a shot at South Canadian foods that are not allowed to be imported into the EU.  Art!

     Ol' Darry states that the South Canadian fish farmers add artificial astaxanthin, an additive that turns the flesh pink, rather than the normal grey.  Health and safety concerns about this artificial agent means South Canadian farm reared salmon are banned from the EU and the Antipodes.  

Finally - 

Going out with another Bierceism.

"Vote,n: The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country."

Herodotus: Hellenic History Harbinger

I Need To Bring In A Little Bit Of Historiography Here

 For those who do not know, the author Herodotus is frequently known as 'The Father of History', thanks to his use of critical methodology to analyse and describe the events of 2,500 years ago, rather than use myth and legend as previous authors had done so.  One ought to recommend this approach to modern authors*.  Ol' Hero's source material was verbal and material records of the time.  Art!

      Your Humble Scribe re-reads the 'Histories' every few years as they are entertaining and illuminating in nature.   Yes yes yes, I know we're talking about an ancient Greek author here, sue me if you want if I don't describe him with the usual <hack spit>, the edition I have is all in English.

     What are they about?  At their core is the conflict between Greece and Persia, with a lot of diversions along the way, such as the account of King Croesus, a real historical figure who ruled Lydia.  Art!

     He was immensely rich and powerful, so much so that he originated the saying 'As rich as Croesus'.  Art!

     As is clearly visible, ancient Lydia was a pretty big deal.  Croesus, whom as a king seems to have suffered from the usual regal over-ambition, decided he was going to take on Persia, ruled by the emperor Cyrus.  Rather than properly plan things out, you know, with boring stuff like supplies and roads and cavalry reconnaissance, he sought advice from the Oracle at Delphi.

     The Oracle at Delphi was highly-skilled in the art of being ambiguous and duplicitous, and avoiding giving a straight answer to a question.  If I remember correctly, I remember one venomous ruler being defeated in battle, whom took time during their retreat to kill all their oracles for advising wrongly, so you can understand the Delphic one being rather cagey.  Their prediction was that 'If Croesus went to war against Persia, he would destroy a mighty empire.'

     You can probably see where this is going.  Croesus did indeed wage war against Persia, and lost bigly when Cyrus crushed him and conquered Lydia.  The dangers of confirmation bias, hmmm?  Art!

Crosesus, not so rich any more

     Why am I giving you a lecture on ancient history?  Because Billy Bonespurs has once again demonstrated the disconnect between his tongue and what remains of his brain.  Art!

     Challenging Orban as a were-toad, we feel.  Gosh, typing that out means I won't be able to get into South Canada!  I feel so regretful O no actually I'm not at all.  Art!

     The presumption here is that DJ Tango is referring to Iran, and analysts worry that he's talking about rolling out the Big Bang Bombs in order to kill all Iranians, whom total 90 million.  This is a genuine possibility because Pumpkinhead has the attention span of a lobotomised goldfish, he's already bored and fed up with Iran for not rolling over and wants to shift the blame to Heggy and move on to cheating at golf.

     However - O that word again! - don't forget Croesus.  Plus, I am typing this screed the morning after his delulu post, and there is no news of any nuclear strikes, so once again Trump Always Chickens Out.  Thankfully!

     Plus, I've found an article from the 'Mirror', the British tabloid newspaper, with an impressive list of Donny Dorko's blatherings.

1. February 28: "This regime will soon learn that no one should challenge the strength and might of the United States Armed Forces."
2. March 1: "We have very strong objectives."
3. March 2: "We're already substantially ahead of our time projections."
4. March 3: "We won the war."
5. March 4: "We're doing very well on the war front."
6. March 5: "[Iran] have no air force, they have no air defence."
7. March 6: "They don’t have anyone or anything to fight with."
8. March 7: "We defeated Iran."
9. March 8: "I think the war is very complete, pretty much."
10. March 9: "The war is ending almost completely, and very beautifully."
11. March 10: "Short term oil prices, which will drop rapidly when the destruction of the Iran nuclear threat is over, is a very small price to pay for USA and World, Safety and Peace."

1. March 11: “You never like to say too ⁠early you won. We won. In the first hour it was over.”
2. March 12: "We did win, but we haven't won completely yet."
3. March 13: "We won the war."
4. March 14: “The United States of America has beaten and completely decimated Iran, both militarily, economically, and in every other way, but… This should have always been a team effort."
5. March 15: "Whether we get support or not, I can say this, and I said it to them: we will remember."
6. March 16: “I’m demanding that these countries come in and protect their own territory."
7. March 17:“Because of the fact that we have had such Military Success, we no longer ‘need,’ or desire, the Nato Countries’ assistance _ WE NEVER DID!”
8. March 18: "Allies must cooperate to open the Strait of Hormuz."
9. March 19: "US allies need to get a grip - step up and help open the Strait of Hormuz."
10. March 20: "Without the USA, NATO IS A PAPER TIGER!”
11. March 21: "[If Iran doesn't] FULLY OPEN, WITHOUT THREAT, the Strait of Hormuz, within 48 HOURS from this exact point in time, the United States of America will hit and obliterate their various POWER PLANTS.”
12. March 22: “I HAVE INSTRUCTED THE DEPARTMENT OF WAR TO POSTPONE ANY AND ALL MILITARY STRIKES AGAINST IRANIAN POWER PLANTS AND ENERGY INFRASTRUCTURE FOR A FIVE DAY PERIOD"
13. March 23: "I AM PLEASED TO REPORT THAT THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND THE COUNTRY OF IRAN, HAVE HAD, OVER THE LAST TWO DAYS, VERY GOOD AND PRODUCTIVE CONVERSATIONS REGARDING A COMPLETE AND TOTAL RESOLUTION OF OUR HOSTILITIES IN THE MIDDLE EAST."
14. March 24: "We’ve won this war."
15. March 25: “They gave us a present and the present arrived today. And it was a very big present worth a tremendous amount of money. I’m not going to tell you what that present is, but it was a very significant prize.”
16. March 26: "They better get serious soon, before it is too late, because once that happens, there is NO TURNING BACK."
17. March 27: “We would have always been there for [NATO], but now, based on their actions, I guess we don’t have to be, do we?”

1. March 28: “Very strong talks.”
2. March 29: "To be honest with you, my favourite thing is to take the oil in Iran but some stupid people back in the US say: ‘why are you doing that?’ But they’re stupid people."
3. March 30: "The United States of America is in serious discussions with A NEW, AND MORE REASONABLE, REGIME to end our Military Operations in Iran. Great progress has been made."
4. March 31: "Iran has been, essentially, decimated. The hard part is done. Go get your own oil!"
5. April 1: "Iran’s New Regime President, much less Radicalized and far more intelligent than his predecessors, has just asked the United States of America for a CEASEFIRE!"

1. April 2: “We are gonna finish the job. We are getting very close.”
2. April 3: "[The US] hasn’t even started destroying what’s left in Iran. Bridges next, then Electric Power Plants!"
3. April 4: "Time is running out - 48 hours before all Hell will reign down on them. Glory be to GOD!"
4. April 5: "Open the f****n' Strait, you crazy b*****ds, or you'll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah."
5. April 6: "We're doing unbelievably well, well at a level that nobody's ever seen before."
6. April 7: "A whole civilization will die tonight."

     I don't expect you to read all his drivelling nonsense - although it does wonders for the Word Count - but you get an impression of how detached he is from reality.

     O and late breaking news -

Wowsers, the longest Intro ever.  Time for a few pictures instead of text walls.

Real Life Intervenes

On Saturday, as I ambled into Lesser Sodom (Royton if we're being formal) I noticed a lot of signage put up to warn of roadworks this week, carrying out resurfacing work.  It's badly needed, the section of Rochdale Road near The Mansion is full of potholes and ruts.  So, they started getting set up at 08:00 yesteryon.  Art!

     They were digging and drilling and scraping all day and have now levelled the road, which I hope was the noisy part.

Here's One I Made Earlier

You may recall Conrad posting a picture of a Full English Breakfast Pizza, which is exactly what it sounds like.  After a bit of dithering I made my own.  Art!

     I didn't bother with fried tomatoes or fried bread as I'm not fond of either, and baked beans would have made it soggy.  Verrry filling fodder.

Finally -

I think, like the pizza, we're done.

* Are you paying attention, Cooper?

Are You Ready?

I Would Hope So!

We've been putting out this content for 13 years, you ought to be ready for it by now, at least a little.  Don't worry, the Sherman diatribe is not present today, although IT WILL COME COUNT ON IT we may see it at a slightly later date.

     No, what I am about to pontificate upon is - Art!

One of their albums is titled 'Are You Ready?'

     What you see here is the album 'PG&E', performed by the eponymous band Pacific Gas And Electric, whom were forced to change their name for the slightly inconvenient and minor detail that there was already an organisation called Pacific Gas And Electric.   Who threatened to sue their bottoms off.

     As an aside, one also notes that the band Chicago were originally dubbed 'Chicago Transit Authority', until the real Chicago Transit Authority made threatening legal noises, and they became Chicago.  Art!

     Brilliant album cover.

     ANYWAY we're beyond bands and album covers, so let us now move on to the meat of today's Intro, which is another in the 'Be Amazed' compilation of "When Building Demolitions Go Horribly Wrong".  This one goes as horribly wrong as one might expect.  Art!

     These monoliths are the steam generating plant for Pacific Gas & Electric, which went dark in 1985, located at Kern in Bakersfield, California.  Eventually, after having stood for twenty-eight years, it was decided to bring them down with explosive demolition.  No gradual or partial removal by excavators bearing mechanical jaws or chaps with pneumatic jackhammers, this was a single big-bang method to save time and money.  Art!

Jack and his hammer

     The demolition takes place as per schedule, a crowd has gathered (officially or not it unclear), there are explosions and cheers.  Art!

     It looks like an incandescent pipe photo, but this is in fact the explosives detonating around the base of the units.  What seems to be bright light is in fact the detonation of explosives.

     This is where the problems begin.  Art!

     Down go the steam generators, the evil swine!  Cry God for Harry and England, and our overseas benighted cousins the other side of The Pond!

     <ahem straightens tie and collar>  the thing is, the 'implosion' managed to create an 'implosion' that was far more influential than anticipated, translating into 'an explosion bigger than we wanted', possibly the least-wanted words heard to issue from your supervisor at a demolitions company.

     

     You can see metal spall being thrown from the boiler structures, some of which travelled 1,400 feet from the blast site, meaning that the spectators were within range of the shrapnel zone.  Five people were injured with one, Jerry Wood, losing a leg thanks to severe injury, and cars and buildings were damaged.  Art!

     What were the reasons for this disaster?  Well, Pacific Gas & Electric were not to blame; being in the business of supplying energy, they had no expertise in demolitions, so they hire 'Demtech' to carry out the work.  More like 'Dementech', because a subsequent investigation by the Californian Safety and Enforcement Division found multiple failings.  Art

     Primary reason was that they used FIFTEEN times more explosive than was required.  An error of that magnitude really calls into question their ability to manage a demolition safely.  In addition, Demtech failed to - 

1. Used any scientific approach to determine the proper blast loads, 

 2. Applied scientific criteria to calculate the proper safety zone distance,

 3. Prescribed adequate blast shields to contain flying debris or fragmentation, 

 4. Consulted an engineer or reviewed structural drawings to analyze the boiler structure, or 

 5. Used computer modeling to simulate and validate its implosion design.

     I can illustrate No. 3.  Art!

     Those are plywood boxes encasing the explosive charges, which Demtech fondly imagined would prevent debris from being flung about.  Why use plywood?  Because it doesn't cost $50 per square metre that blast-proof fabric does, which is what they should have been using.  Consequently, as we have seen, you get debris hurled at high velocity for a long way.

     Demtech didn't even carry out test blasts, as they claimed the boiler's structure was similar to other demolitions they'd carried out in the past, so there was no need.  Conrad shudders to think how many other people they put at risk.

     Jerry Wood sued P G & E, which you might expect, whom settled up pretty quickly.  I cannot find what dollar amount he went for, although PG & E stated that they paid him 90% of what he was asking, and no, there is nothing in the media detailing what the total was.  Probably enforced with a Non-Disclosure Agreement.

     PG & E then stated it intended to sue Demtech for the compensation, at which point this Intro ends, as we're here for demolitions not legal process.  Also, I never checked up to see what happened between them.

Conrad's Curiosity Conspires

One of the incessant adverts on Youtube is for 'Intuit Turbo Tax', a business that takes over the calculation of taxes, which for reasons utterly foreign to me is how individual South Canadians deal with tax.  Art!

     This chubby jolly lady is busily typing away on a keyboard - apparently.  Conrad, being the utter cynic he is, wonders if she's just tapping keys randomly, because they don't show the monitor.  I guess we'll never know the truth and I will forever be haunted by such a minor thing.

Knowing Where The Bodies Are Buried

Metaphorically, I hasten to add.  There is a Malicious Compliance tale on 'Slash Start's Youtube channel, concerning Student Spa Worker, hereafter SSPOW because I can juggle the letters if I want to.  She worked at a spa where the rarely-seen owner was bonkers, they were always desperately short of staff and nobody wanted to work there.  

      The manager, Pam, ran a verrrry dodgy operation, which SPOW was careful to note, all the more as Pam took every opportunity to write her up for fake reasons, which SPOW found mystifying.  Was Pam trying to make her quit?  

     Well, yes.  You see, she wanted to get her son employed at the spa in SPOW's place, because he was a lazy bottomhole who couldn't hold down a job anywhere else.  She also got the other employees to bully SPOW and lie about her performance and behaviour.  This came back to bite them badly later on.  Pam got her way when SPOW resigned for a better job, and spitefully retained her last payment.

     "Take us to court if you dare!" was the response, probably thinking that a high-schooler  wouldn't know how or dare to. 

     O foolish Pam!  Art?

     SPOW had noted all sorts of naughty goings-on, which included:

1)  Working 8 hour days with no breaks or lunch

2)  Rats

3)  Ants

4)  Underage drinking

5)  Untreated mould

6)  'Employing' underage staff - Pam's daughter

7)  Selling client information

     Plus more that she couldn't remember so long after the fact.  Art!

     SPOW e-mailed the lot to the above people, who love love love investigating shady businesses who are breaking the law.  The owner and Pam were both fined, heavily, with Pam facing time in jail due to the number and seriousness of her crimes.  The owner had to sell the business, and SPOW very thoughtfully e-mailed all the other spas within a 50-mile radius about what happened, so neither the owner nor her ex-staff could ever get spa work again.

Another "What On Earth?" Moment

Conrad was perusing Youtube, scoping out potential Reddit tales and enjoying the Malicious Compliance ones, when this bizarre advert appeared. Art!

     What on earth are they talking about?  Popcorn is in no way an adventure.  Nor would I want it to be; Conrad wants to be able to safely open a bag and gorge on it, not worry about what calamity might befall me.  

Finally -

To get us over the Word Count line, a Biercism.

"Bachelor, n: A man whom women are still sampling."

Tree Lore

NOT To Be Confused With 'Tree Law'

You can blame the Bee Network for this Intro, because I was stuck at the 409 bus stop for thirty minutes waiting for a bus, and then two came at once.  During this time I happened to notice two 409's heading in the opposite direction - it's always the case, isn't it? - and both had posters for  "The Magic Faraway Tree" on the side.  That started me to pondering, always a dangerous process, and a couple of other films came to mind.  Art!

From the Enid Blyton books

     It's about a tree that's - you may be ahead of me here - magic and far away.  Which is a good thing, because if it were nearby you'd get endless complications from people stumbling across it.  The three children of the story and film, Beth, Fran and Joe, discover an enchanted wood known as "The Enchanted Wood".  Nobody ever said Blyton was known for rampant creativity.  In the centre of the wood is a tree so large it's branches reach into the clouds, presumably also making it a traffic hazard to passing planes, which plot hole we will ignore.  Art!

     A ladder from the tree leading into the clouds allows access to a land above the clouds, another traffic hazard, which land changes on a daily basis.  Examples given are The Land Of Goodies, full of things that diabetics cannot consume, or The Land Of Birthdays.  The film has a plot centring around tomatoes, instead of crashing 747s.

     This reminded Conrad of a fantastically strange film that was shown on the BBC, namely "The Singing Ringing Tree" and which I saw in the early Seventies.  Art!

     Not just German in origin, but from East Germany, that humourless grey cultural wasteland aligned with the Sinister Union.  Wait, what?

     It was a loose adaptation from one of Grimm's fairy tales, concerning a beautiful but selfish and entitled princess, who consistently rejects the suits of a handsome prince, until he can bring her the Singing Ringing Tree of the title.  Art!

Entitlement oozing from every pore

     The prince, being a determined kind of chap, tracks down the miniature kingdom the SRT is located in, only to encounter a couple of property possession rights getting in the way.  Art!

     The tree is controlled by the Evil Dwarf, whom agrees to lend him the tree - BUT - yes there is a condition, if the princess rejects both him and it, he is bound in servitude to ED.  Surprise! Princess Entitled does reject him, as the tree neither sings nor rings, so he goes back to ED and - Art!

     He gets turned into a bear.  The logic for this escapes me, please contact the Brothers Grimm for elucidation.  Princess Entitlement gets put into servitude with ED, and learns to be a better person for it, and of course - obviously! - True Love wins out in the end.  Art!

No 747s were harmed in the making of this film

     It was remarkably different in design and production to anything else on television and left a lasting impression on anyone who watched it.

     FYI, the East German original came out in 1957 and was seen at cinemas by over a third of their entire population.  So much for socialist realism, hmmm?  Art!

     It does what it says on the tin.  This film features Kirk Douglas in an untypical role as an utter swine, a lumber baron determined to chop down the sequoias of northern California, despite the protests and antipathy of locals.  Art!

     That's a sequoia, also known as the Californian Redwood, and boy are they large.  In case you were wondering, True Love conquers all and redeems Kirk by the end.  Art!

     Sorry, I couldn't resist.  There aren't any trees per se, but please note that Forrest is sitting on a bench made primarily of wood.  Where do you get wood from?  Art!

 

     I haven't seen 'The Tree Of Life' but, since it's a Terence Malick film, I undoubtedly will at some point, because it will at least look good.  Having had a look at plot descriptions and synopses on teh Interwebz, it looks a bit bonkers.  Actually a lot bonkers.  Hot Tip: True Love does not conquer all, it seems.  Art!

     Let me end this Intro by going out with 'Tree Coins In The Fountain' WHICH IS AN HILARIOUS PUN I TELL YOU HILARIOUS!

Get Your Popcorn Ready

Forsooth, Conrad has paid exactly 0% attention to the 'Starry Trex' franchise on television since the Deep Space Mine, or whatever it was called.  In my opinion they ought to completely shut down the franchise for a good ten years, then try making it again from a completely fresh perspective, instead of increasingly faded photocopies of the original.  Art!

Courtesy Ryan Kinel

     Now we come to 'Star Trek: Star Fleet Academy', which has been absolutely pot, kettle, spoon and panned by audiences, who hated it.  Bear in mind that the show has been cancelled before the first episode of Season Two has been streamed, and that each season is of ten episodes, which cost $10 million each.  $200 million expended.  Art!

     Enter Red Letter Media, whom Ryan does not see eye-to-eye with, nor they with him.  However - that word again! - they are a film and video production company with a lot of network links and inside contacts, whose output is credible.

     Whilst on another completely different topic, RLM let it be known that their industry contacts discovered that STSFA had, over the space of 10 episodes, accumulated only 400,000 views, or 40,000 per episode on average.  Ryan counselled caution about these figures, as we only have RLM's statement as evidence.

     But, if true, this is an appalling failure for the series.  Small Youtube channels get more than this amount of traffic.  Conrad probably gets more than this across his blog traffic monthly <takes a quick look at Views> I'm up to 8,060 so far for April.  My outlay amounts to £1.10 for the 'Manchester Evening News'.  Art!

     As circumstantial evidence for that 40k being correct, here's an online petition to renew the season that Ryan dug out.  

     Season Two will probably get streamed but this isn't guaranteed if Paramount thinks it's just a big pile of dinosaur doo-doo that won't garner either views or critical praise.

Another "You What?" Moment

I actually came across this yesteryon but had already put up an item about incomprehensible drivel and didn't want to overdo it.  Art!

     What the actual Dog Buns?  What are 'Cornhole Boards' and why am I expected to know what they are already?  What is a 'Governing Body of Cornhole'? because it sounds like an entity from 'Beavis And Butthead'.  What is meant by 'Monthly Bag Drops'?  NO! I am not going to click on the link to find out.  That way lies madness.

South Canadian Food Fails

Back to the hilarious and scurrilous Tweet from 'Daractenus', listing the food that we here in the EU absolutely will not eat, unless it's Twinkies as I love their wonderful artificial taste but risk diabetic coma just by looking at them a

     ANYWAY Art!

     This is bleached flour.  To get that whiter-than-white colouration, South Canadian flour mills process it with chlorine or benzoyl peroxide, the former of which was the world's first poison gas.  Why would you want to bleach flour to make an already white substance even whiter?  

     Ah, I see.  To shorten the aging process and speed up production, thus cutting costs.  Enjoy your Cloaf! or not as bleached flour doesn't make good bread.

Fair Warning

Conrad Bookmarked an interesting Youtube vlog about the Sherman tank, and if I can prod Art into semi-sentience -

     The title is a fib in itself, as 'Lied' is not exactly truthful.  I know this because I rewatched the whole thing and annotated it, so you can bet your buns there's going to be an Intro about it in the near future.

Finally -

Going out with a QI quote.

"Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that, apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy".  George Carlin.