All Hail Robert K. Merton!

If You're Not Familiar With Him

Then you're in good company.  He was a South Canadian sociologist, whom in 1936 came up with 'The Law Of Unintended Consequences', which explicates that complex situations always produce unexpected or unwanted results, thanks to lots of moving parts having to work in close conjunction.  Imagine, if you will, having to take apart a Rolex watch and then re-assemble it, whilst wearing an eye-patch and after having sunk eight pints of Special Brew.  Art!

And - against the clock.

     Thus Part One of our Intro.  Here we detail about the 'r/slash' Youtube channel and their Malicious Compliance story, related by REMOte Medical Technician, hereafter REMO.  He was a - you may be ahead of me here - medical technician employed on oil rigs drilling in the Gulf Of Mexico, and we've covered EMTs working in the oil industry before.  To cover insurance the rig needs to have a properly-licenced EMT on station at all times, or they CANNOT continue drilling operations, being at risk of being busted and fined hundreds of thousands of dollars.  Art!

     REMO lived in Panama City Beach, Florida, and had been picked upon several times in the past to have random drug tests taken, as employers don't like their employees hoovering up drugs like Keith Moon.  This had not been a problem, since he'd been at his work location.  Art!

Panama City Beach

     Until now. At 16:00 Friday afternoon, chilling by the pool after 2 weeks spent in the Gulf, REMO got a call saying that he had to go 'Pee In A Cup' in order to pass his drug testing.  Within 24 hours.

     The spirit of Robert K. Merton is watching o'er you, REMO.

     The thing is, REMO had to travel to either Jacksonville in Atlanta or New Orleans, there were no other locations for PIAC.  Given the size of South Canada, this creates a problem.  Art!

That's Panama Beach to New Orleans

     After consulting with 'friends' whom are more like conspirators and looking to get as much as they can from the gravy train, REMO ended up driving to the Nola neighbourhood in New Orleans - see above - with said friends, drank, danced and ate the night away and then booked into the most expensive hotel they could find.  They had no choice as their company had such a limited slate of geographical venues for validification.  Art!

Nola looking very, very expensive

     Then came the PIAC.  You know, the whole reason for the trip, and Robert Merton watching over all.

     REMO then breaks down the entire audit list, expense by expense.

"800 miles travel expense $440

Friday meal Nola $50

French Quarter nightly $300

Breakfast, lunch and dinner $150

Another night in the French Quarter $350

Breakfast $50

16 hours of overtime billed at $40 per hour."

     The total came to $1,948.  

     That is, to be clear, nearly $2,000 to complete a simple expression in a cup.  

     REMO clarified that they did, indeed, get paid what they had claimed in their deposition, as it would have presumably have cost more to dispute it than pay out.  They also advised that the company increased the number of sites that could assess cases, in order to avoid another such blowout, and in their remaining 7 years with the business they were never again requested to PIAC.  Funny, that.

     Here's another example of Mister Merton's metric, what you might call 'Guagamole And Rage'.  The narrator, whom we will call HEavily Pregnant, HEP hereafter, was the service manager at a Mexican grill franchise, which she coyly doesn't name.  Lawsuits and all that.  Art!

     Enter Bitchy ENtitled Toerag, hereafter BENT, leading 15 young girls in through the side door marked EMPLOYEES ONLY, well before the doors actually opened.  Adult illiteracy is such a wicked thing, isn't it?  BENT is known and reviled in the grill for her awful behaviour.

     ANYWAY, BENT throws her credit card at HEP and tells the girls they can order anything they want, shouts the same at HEP when she queries this, then goes and sits down to goggle at her phone.

     When the bill arrives, it's for $250, a sum BENT clearly did not expect as she goes ballistic ballistic, screaming that she wants a refund.  HEP says no, as the girls have finished eating all their eats by this time.  An increasingly lengthy queue watches with interest as BENT, driven insane with a combination of rage and entitlement, pushes HEP hard.  Hard enough to fell her, had one of her staff not caught her.  Art!

     Merton's metric kicks in here, because this counts as aggravated assault due to HEP being preggers.  Two on-duty police officers in the queue immediately cuff BENT and arrest her, meaning the 15 girls parents had to come and collect their offspring.  She was found guilty and given two years probation, and, one assumes, barred from that establishment in perpetuum, which is another new word with a double syllable you never knew about.

More Gentle Shoeing

King Piggy posted a video clip on Truth Social of Frank Sinatra singing 'My Way', probably intending that people pay attention to the line 'I did it my way', as with him it's all about a hymn to him him him.  Instead a lot of people paid attention to the 'The end is near' line whilst crossing their fingers and making a wish.  ANYWAY AGAIN Art!

     Jake Broe analysed this well, saying that the Iranian regime is full of religious fanatics who are eager for martyrdom, and whom thus don't care if BOOH threatens to kill them.  Trump's painful inability to read anything not in a size 16 font with big pictures and short words also comes into play here.  Adult illiteracy is such a wicked thing, isn't it?  Art!

Your Hair Helmet's looking weak there, Donold

Progress Report

Just to keep you informed, I am now at Page 542 of 'Cassino '44' and the date is late May 1944.  The Teuton positions at Cassino have finally been taken, stormed by the Poles of the 2nd Polish Corps, who suffered almost 4,000 casualties doing so.  Another example of Merton's metric: Poles fighting Teutons in Italy alongside the British, which nobody could have predicted in September of 1939.  Art!

Polish war cemetery at Monte Cassino

Have You Ever

Bought a loaf, put it in your shopping bag and then piled another heavier item on top of it, thus crushing it out of shape?  I have done this often enough to be wary of it now.  So, let us have another clip from 'Be Amazed' and their 'When Building Demolitions Go Horribly Wrong'.  Art!

     An impressively tall structure.  Which way will it fall, as I can't see any kind of cable or cutaway to predispose it?  There is an excavator digging away at the base in a completely different direction.

     Ooops, it shears off near the base, completely unexpectedly and not at all planned for.  Art!

     Ooops again.  Scratch one van.  This probably took place in Mordorvia, as that's a 'Bukhanka' van, more commonly known as a 'Loaf'.  Now you understand the majestic humour of this item's opening paragraph.

Further Progress

I have gone into the 3-disk 'Black Hawk Down' that I got months ago, and reported back to you about it.  What I didn't notice is how old it is - from 2004, for a film that came out in 2001 and which detailed events from 1993.  Art!

     I've now started watching one of the Extras: the History Channel's 90 minute documentary about the real events of that day.  One has to give props to author Mark Bowden, who went to Somalia to research what happened from the Somali side, when South Canadians were liable to be shot on sound.

Finally -

Going out with a Biercism.

"Rude, adj: Reminding a lady of the good times you had forty years ago."

Sunday's Synopses

Which Is The Correct Plural Of 'Synopsis'

There's your grammar lesson for today.  Okay, time for a reprise of the cherry trees in blossom along Tandle Hill Road today, as I was taking Edna for trotties.  Art!

     The only problem with it being a nice afternoon was that the world and his wife were walking their woofers, so a bit of strategic pacing and pavement-swapping was needed.

     Enough domestic drivel!  On with the links.

2025

BOOJUM!: Creating Drama Out Of A Crisis

2024

BOOJUM!: THROW THE MONEY INTO THE VOLCANO!

2023

BOOJUM!: European Space Agency Threatens Conrad

2022

BOOJUM!: ONE TRILLION LIONS VERSUS THE SUN!

2021

BOOJUM!: T.I.E. Fighter

2020

BOOJUM!: How Oarful

2019

BOOJUM!: Charles Dickens: Criminal Mastermind!

2018

BOOJUM!: By The Spitting Devil's Cabbage!

2017

BOOJUM!: Hark, Hark - It's About The Shark

2016

BOOJUM!: Domestic Diversions

2015

BOOJUM!: Hark Hark - It's Arthur C. Clarke!

2014

BOOJUM!: Namaste, India And Hi!, Oz

If I Were To Say 'Turning Point'

You'd Possibly Get What I Meant

But not probably, for, as you should surely know by now, Conrad's mind works in mysterious ways, even unto himself.  For example, where did 'Artie' and 'Gardenia' in that recent epic scrivel nonsense tale come from?  Who knows.  Especially not me.  

     ANYWAY what I want to look at here is a policy executed - apt word! - by that staple of BOOJUM! King Mithridates VI Eupator of Pontus.  A name that trips off the tongue.  Art!

Probably not the tongue in question

     Ol' Mithy, you recall, was paranoid about being assassinated via poison, so he took a daily cocktail of poison in gradually-increasing doses, thus acquiring immunity.  At least according to legend.  Conrad thinks this a rather dicey process and doesn't recommend it.

     ANYWAY the turning point for Ol' Mithy came when he lost his third war against Rome, being decisively defeated by Pompey in 63 BC.  You can't call him a quitter!  Art?

     Being a bit spiteful and petty - the Donold Trump of his day? - Mithy rounded up all his oracles, diviners and soothsayers for a big celebration victory party -

     No, I was lying.  They had all advised him that going to war against Rome was a wonderful idea, that he would win bigly, etcetera, so he had them all killed for being completely wrong.  Hmmm.  You'd think, as, you know, oracles, they would have seen that coming.  Maybe an off day?

     Ol' Mithy then, allegedly, tried to commit self-delete with poison, only for his long-acquired tolerance to spoil his plan, resulting in a request for his bodyguard to do him in with a sword.  Note to readers: you do not acquire tolerance to a foot of forged steel in your gizzard.  Art!

                                                      

     This is another turning point.  Here you see the destruction wrought inside the 'Detsky Mir' shopping mall in Barad-Duh, which the Kremlin instantly insisted was due to a helium cylinder depressurising.  It took place in August 2026.  What happened is that the head of the FSB's Fifth Service, Alexei Titov - no pictures of him extant I'm afraid - went to meet the widow of a former subordinate, who was going to give him a 'present'.  Or, in reality, a bomb.  The explosion un-alived her and severed Titov's legs.  He survived long enough to get taken to hospital and put into a coma, with no updates eight months later, and it's quite possible he died and the Mordorvian authorities don't want to admit it.

     Why do I mention this?  O I thought you'd never ask!  Titov was the head of the Fifth Services Analytical Branch.  He escaped the purge of April 2022, when Putin sacked or imprisoned 150 FSB members in an attempt to shift the blame for 'Kyiv in three days' from him and onto them.  Art!

Putin with noodles on his ears*

     So, it would have been Titov's job to provide intelligence information on former Soviet countries, such as Ukraine, or the Baltics, or the Caucasus.  How far wide of the mark his info was is exemplified in Ruffian officers taking dress uniforms along on the invasion, all ready for their upcoming victory parade in Kyiv.  Art!

     This is General Vladimir Alekseyev, Deputy Head of the GRU, Ruffian Military Intelligence, whose directorate in May of 2022 was tasked with carrying out the work previously done by the FSB.  He was shot and seriously wounded in February 2026, by an assassin who knew exactly where and when he would be.

     The consensus amongst pundits is that the FSB officers who survived the April 2022 purge are now being gotten rid of, since, you know, they got things completely wrong.  It's noted that investigations into both assassination attempts were rapidly closed down, because the truth might come out.  Art!

     This quaint South Canadian phenomenon known as a 'Mega-church' is where King Piggy appeared at a rally on Friday 17th April.  It holds up to 4,500 people and DJ Tango only got 3,000 attending.  Sorry, no photos of the crowds, probably because the turnout was so disappointing.  Who is advising The Nodfather to stage these events?  Art!

     This is an actual Turning Point event, the organisation founded by that loathsome political reptile Charlie Kirk, and appearing on stage is Judge Death Vance, who kills literally and metaphorically if he shakes your hand.  This is the kind of shot that the White House will put out as proof of a well-attended event, pats on the back all round.

     HOWEVER - a word you surely knew was coming - 'Jake Broe' on his Youtube channel posted a video of someone attending the FREE rally and it's a lot less flattering to Just Dismal.  Art!

     At most, there's a couple of hundred people there.  Again, who is advising the charisma black hole to attend events like this?  One suspects there are going to be people 'let go' for embarrassing Donnie and Dismal.  Which is better than getting blown up or stabbed, but still not great.  Art!

His pants are, in fact, on fire.  Atomic-powered diaper malfunction.

Rock And Rolling

Another brief clip from 'Be Amazed's 'When Building Demolition Goes Horribly Wrong' and you'll see what that title refers to.  This was a flour factory demolition in Cankiri, Turkey.  Art!

     As is plainly visible, the structure has been extensively undercut before explosive charges were detonated.  The idea was to collapse it into it's own footprint.  Instead - Art!

     Given that I've only ever seen demolitions, not taken part in any, I could still have guessed this was going to happen.  However - ah, that word again! - when this factory was constructed in the Twenties, they built to last.  Rather than shatter after falling - Art!

     It stays intact and begins to roll.  Right towards a residential building.  Art!

  
     It stopped with inches to spare.  Nobody ended up injured, although once again some onlookers may have needed fresh underwear.

The Biter Bit

As you should surely know by now, one of Conrad's particular failings is being altogether too fond of Malicious Compliance or Pro Revenge stories on Youtube.  I ought to ration myself in order to stop squandering hours at a time.

     One of the staples of these stories is the Wicked Employer Firing An Employee and learning a very hard lesson about wage theft, unpaid overtime or tax avoidance, often all three at once.  Art!

     Here is a Comment from 'tonychan8558' showing the other side of the coin.

Last story: Small company with 9 employees. My former boss fired a woman after she told him she was pregnant. But unlike OP, she was useless at her job. Once, she sat at her computer for three hours, then asked my former boss how to print. She printed out a picture she had drawn on Paint over the past three hours. That was just the start. My boss knew she was trouble, so started documenting everything. She took him to court, where he won handsomely. Turned out she tried to get maternity pay from every company she worked at, she wasn't even pregnant! A few years later, I joined the company and boss told me this story. Two years later, our marketing assistant became pregnant and old boss made sure every one of her needs were catered for: new chair, paid time off to visit doctor, getting her lunch delivered, waiting on her hand and foot, the whole nine. She was very good at her job, and old boss treated her accordingly

    'The whole nine' isn't a typo, it's short for 'The whole nine yards', meaning absolutely everything, and is an item in it's own right.  Art!

Boosting Bakhmut's Booze

One of the pundits I watch on Youtube is 'Paul Warburg', who lives in Utah and does regular analyses of the war in Ukraine and how it affects Ruffia.  One of his sponsors is - see below.  Art!

     Artwinery.  They are retailing bottles of wine that were snatched from the cellars of Bakhmut before the orcs conquered it, and once they're gone, they're gone, there will never be more of them.  They aren't cheap but if you want a bottle of wine that has a story attached to it as well as being unique, check them out.

Finally -

Going out on a Biercism.

"Russian, n: A person with a Caucasian body and a Mongolian soul.  A Tartar Emetic."

*  Ruffian saying 'Do you think I've got noodles on my ears?' meaning 'Do you think I'm stupid?'

Water Sillies

NO! That Is Not A Typo

Even hinting that it was is likely to get you a dose of Remote Nuclear Tormentor, because the English language does what I want it to do, no mucking about.  Art!

Courtesy Claude Monet

  
     You were thinking of this, weren't you?  Apparently Ol' Claude painted 250 works featuring the water lilies in his garden.  That's an awful lot.  One suspects he didn't get out much.

     ANYWAY we are here to regale you with the second part of DUDE's traumatic tale of pools and fools.  Earlier we explained to you in excruciating detail what goes into constructing a swimming pool, laying it on to underline how hard it is and how long it takes.  We also established that Jackass, son of Jay the business owner, was a lazy entitled slacker, and that Junior, the other son of Jay, talked entirely too much at the expense of working.  Art!

     No, Art, that's a Remote Nuclear Tormentor, which is not what I asked for.  Get it right or it's Tazer-time.

See?  You can do it when you try.

     When Jackass woke up, he strolled over from his truck, looked at the stage they had reached and -

     Did nothing to help.  In fact he sent Junior back to the truck to get his energy drink, then stood around chatting about the game they were going to play after work.

     Thus, by the time 11:00 rolls around, the pool is still at least 90 minutes behind schedule, which DUDE informs Jackass about, who loudly lambasts him about doing his job and not speaking back.

     Why is 11:00 important?  Because that's when the concrete truck arrived, chock-full of lovely concrete all ready to be poured and adored, despite the pool not being ready.  Art!

Sheer poetry: a concrete truck

     Here is where Jackass makes a verrrry serious mistake.  He gets in the company bobcat - a miniature JCB for us here in This Sceptred Isle - and begins unloading concrete into the bucket and dumping it around the pool.  Which was not ready.  Did I already mention that?

     Come 12:30, DUDE sits down and begins to eat his lunch, which sends Jackass, still pouring concrete - around the pool that wasn't ready, have I said that previously? - absolutely ballistic.  I shan't quote him as there was a lot of effing and jeffing involved, along the theme that DUDE had to carry on working.

Art!

     DUDE calmly refutes this, saying that Jay's rule is that one gets to have lunch after 6 hours on the job, and since Jay cuts his paychecks he's going to follow Jay's rules.  All said with a beatific smile.  Jackass rings Jay and presumably gets an earful as he goes back to pouring concrete in a sullen, slapdash silence.

     It gets better - or worse, if you're Jackass.  As mentioned yesteryon, DUDE has a medical appointment at 1:30 and his pre-arranged ride turns up to take him to the examination.  Once again Jackass goes ballistic - there's no explanation in either my 'Collins Concise English Dictionary' or my 'Brewer's Dictionary Of Phrase And Fable' as to where this phrase comes from so I shall poke Art with this red-hot toasting fork -

The terrifying Titan II launch in progress

     - saying that they'll never get the work done.  Once again, smiling sweetly, DUDE informs Jackass that the appointment has already been approved, so whether the pool gets finished or not isn't his concern.  Art!

ARACHNOPHOBES LOOK AWAY NOW!

     This is a Brown Recluse Spider, and DUDE had been bitten by one.  Their bite can cause serious necrosis if not promptly treated, so he was sent to hospital for a week.  

     Meanwhile at the pool -

     Without DUDE to apply his perfectionist work ethic, Jackass <insert swear of choice here> badly.  The pool walls weren't levelled, not all the braces had been set and he'd buried the plumbing in concrete before it had been connected.

     Surprise! it didn't pass inspection.  This meant Jay's company would have to demolish it, buy a new kit and install it from scratch.  You're talking about being on the hook for $20,000 here.

     Jackass, predictably, tried to blame DUDE for his epic <insert swear of choice here>, saying it was all his fault.

     You may recall that yesteryon I mentioned DUDE noticed a feature about the client's house, since he was both sharp-eyed and sharp-witted.  Art!

     A home surveillance system.  He asked the client for relevant footage, and they sent it to Jay for review.

     Jay was <insert swear of choice here>.  He slapped Jackass across the face, informed him that he wasn't getting a bonus that year, he'd get no commission on the pool construction and all the costs for demolition and new pool kit were coming out of his pocket.

     DUDE was made a team lead, given his own helper and proceeded to out-construct Jackass by 2 to 1.

More Gentle Shoeing For King Piggy

As gentle as I get with Fat Caligula.  I did see a new name for him on a Tweet from 'Bill Madden' - 'Don Snorlyeone'.  Well earned!  Bill reviewed the Trump rally in Nevada so we don't have to.  Apparently DJ Tango had to be seated for the event, slurred his speech like a drunk after happy hour, and - Art!

He doesn't drink alcohol.  Adderall? That's another story

     -  completely zedded out once he passed the mike over.  Come on, Donold, show us your war face!

Hmmm.  Closer to 'Wah face'

Are You Hungary For More?

There's a picture that has gone viral, showing the 'food' now being served up to  South Canadian matelots aboard their ships in the Persian Gulf.  Art!

     There is considerable speculation about exactly what this is.  Fried boot sole and sauteed Spam have been suggested.  Conrad's suggestion is fossilised banana.

     ANYWAY back to Hungary.  The frankly peculiar-looking Foreign Minister in Orbanazi's government has been in seclusion since Monday, allegedly shredding every document ever produced by his office, as it would be used in evidence against him.  He emerged on Friday, doing a jog.  Art!

     Here he is with Horse-face, whom he faithfully reported to.  Horse-face - or Lavrov if we're being polite - is a Ruffian, so this is a fairly un-natural state of affairs.

     Orban the Weretoad, meanwhile, thinks he can stay as leader of the parliamentary minority and run for Prime Minister in 4 years time.  There are two problems with this: firstly, he needs to be out of prison to manage this, and secondly, Peter Magyar's party has a super-majority in parliament, meaning they can change the Hungarian Constitution, and Magyar has said a PM's term is going to be limited to two.  Orcban has already served four.  Sorry, Weretoad.  Art!

Art!

     Magyar has also appeared on state TV, from which he was banned for two years, and informed the interviewer that they were going to be out of a job as simping and pimping for Orban is going to stop quick smart.

     I know practically nothing about Magyar, just that he seems to exemplify the új seprű*.

More Fallout From That Image

The one promoting Donold Judas Trump as Jesus, healing the sick, which kicked up such a stink that it was gone a few hours later and he's now lying about him being depicted as a doctor.

     Well, cyber-security whiz Ryan McBeth came up with an hilarious skit on the original.  Art!

     FYI, Reagan was held to be going senile in office, but looking back he seems like Einstein compared to Donnie Dorko.

A Touch Of Spring

Yes, it's most definitely in the air.  Why, on this afternoon's walk with Edna a goose flew overhead, honking with happiness.

     Also, the cherry trees down Tandle Hill Road are in bloom.  Art!

     The blossoms don't hang around for long, so appreciate them while you can.

Finally -

I have a bank of pictures of BOOH looking awful, so here's another.  Art!

*  Magyar for 'new broom'