Yes, It's Pronounced 'SPEEF'
I am, of course - obviously! - talking about the Sankt Petersbug International Economic Forum, Putinpot's chance to big himself up and seem important and relevant, BUT before we deal with that, I want to cast the clock back to November 1940. Picture this: the continent of Europe under occupation by Nazi Germany (and a few bits by Fascist Italy but we won't go there), whom at the time were best buds with the Sinisters, a fact they hate hate hate being reminded of. Art!
Here you have Vlacheslav Molotov, Sinister Foreign Minister, to port, and Von Ribbentrop, Reich Foreign Minister, to starboard. The Sinisters were trying to nail down hard various terms and conditions that had been left very vague in their Secret Treaty, which Ribbentrop wriggled like an eel to avoid defining. I would like to add in a few quotes from Sir Winston Churchill's 'The Second World War Volume 2: Their Finest Hour', which he in turn derived from 'Nazi-Soviet Relations', because they resonate right now.
"England was beaten, and it was only a question of time when she would finally admit her defeat. Germany was continuing her bombing attacks on England day and night." Art!
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| Kyiv 2026 |
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| London 1940 |
"- this degree of confusion in Great Britain <Ha! eat it Lavrov> and because the country was led by a political and military dilettante by the name of Churchill -"
Hmmm, it takes a bit of brass neck to publish criticism of a politician when you are that politician. Notice that the Teutons seem to use 'England' and 'Great Britain' interchangeably when they are not remotely the same. Art!
The 'I need ammunition, not a ride' dude, whom the orcs have been traducing since Day 1 of the Special Idiotic Operation, rather like Winnie above. Another quote: ' - the Axis powers were not therefore considering how they might win the war, but rather how rapidly they could end the war which was already won.' Art!
The equivalent of four Ukraine's. Blimey, even Herr Schickelgruber didn't claim to have conquered four Frances! He did, however, use the analogy of ' - the British Empire would be apportioned as a gigantic world-wide estate in bankruptcy of forty million square kilometres*.' Somewhat similar, I think you'll agree, to Putinpot laying claim to the Donbass which he hasn't yet managed to conquer. Dictators seem to like making the same mistakes.
Winnie waspishly follows on from this meeting. "After supper at the Soviet Embassy there was a British air raid on Berlin. We had heard of the conference beforehand, and though not invited to join in the discussion did not wish to be entirely left out of the proceedings."
Molotov and Von Ribbentrop took shelter in the Reich Foreign Ministry's air raid shelter in the basement, where Ribby, who did not know when to leave well alone, tried to persuade Molly to divide up the British Empire. "England," said Von Ribbentrop, "Is finished. She is no more use as a Power."
"If that is so," said Molotov. "Why are we in this shelter, and whose are these bombs which fall?"
Oooh, sick burn! Art?
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| Reich Foreign Ministry |
There are certain parallels between Berlin November 1940 and St Petersbug June 2026, because the Kozaky had already gate-crashed the conference earlier this week. Today being the last day of SPIEF, they wanted to bookend it with more drone strikes. Art!
Ukrainian angry birds en route. Something like 400 of them, after Putinpot turned down Prez Zed's offer of meeting for talks, saying he 'Didn't see the point'.'We had heard of the conference beforehand, and though not invited to join in the discussion did not wish to be entirely left out of the proceedings.' Art!
You can't benefit from the sound here, which has endless cook-offs as ammunition explodes in the middle distance, as the 15th Naval Ammunition Arsenal explodes over several hours. It sites 870 kilometres from the Ukrainian border and they will have undoubtedly been lax about ammunition storage, since 'What can possibly go wrong all the way up here? As if the khokhols can reach St Petersbug!' The base is - or was - located on Kronstadt Island, which has now been locked down, and local villages on the mainland are being evacuated thanks to 'fire risks'. Art!
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| "The Ukrainians set fire to some coal" |
The equivalent of 'All drones were shot down before reaching the refinery, but debris caused some minor grass fires that were quickly put out" when another Crude Distillation Unit has an explosive demise. Bunker Midget Grandad also quoted "Ukraine is trying to develop it's own drones but almost nothing <LOUD EXPLOSION IN THE BACKGROUND> is working out for them." As delusional as the Orange Land Whale.
What splendid memories all the 2026 SPIEF attendees will take away from their meetings! which were totally unspoiled by any nasty intrusive air raid sirens. The shade of Molly is shaking it's head and facepalming.
I Have Been A Naughty Boy Again
Last night Conrad was perusing both 'Abebooks' and 'Turner and Donovan' websites in my quest for more volumes of the "OFFICIAL HISTORY OF AUSTRALIA IN THE WAR OF 1914-18." without spending £125, which is what some booksellers wanted. I should explain that these were first or second editions, but still!
ANYWAY I discovered ''Vol.8. The Australian Flying Corps in the Western & Eastern Theatres of War 1914-1918"
Art!
I've had to use another seller's picture since mine has vanished upon my purchase. £55 all in, which includes P & P from Australia. Conrad now has to wait 2 months, approximately, until it arrives. There are 12 volumes in the series, and when this one arrives I'll have 8. Volume 2 is realllly difficult to find, as it concerns Gallipoli, which is one of the founding myths of modern Australia, and any Ocker who owns it won't sell it lightly or cheaply.
Egad!
We've had that character whose jawline looked as if he was descended from the Mercurians of 'Dan Dare', now meet another chimera. Art!
This entity has been voted 'Most Handsome Man In Yorkshire'. Cruel Commenters stated that he 'looked like a glazed doughnut' and 'He looks as if he's made out of plastic and was just taken out of the box'. Conrad cannily cautions readers to beware of Autons. The threat is real. Art!
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| Coming soon to Leeds |
Getting Rid Of Another Twitter Bookmark
This one is beyond bizarre. It dates from February 2025, when a man walked - or, rather, hobbled - into Rangueil hospital in Toulouse, complaining of severe discomfort and pain.
When doctors examined him, to their utter horror and bewilderment, they found a 20 cm long artillery projectile from the First Unpleasantness lodged in his rectum. Art!
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| 37 mm shell |
More than that, it was live. The French bomb squad were called, and informed that it was so old that the explosive filling had become inert, so surgeons removed it and all was well. Except the story never detailed how this munition got where it did and since this was a medical procedure, doctor-patient confidentiality prevailed. Although the Prosecutor's office did ponder about charging him with possessing explosive ordnance. Note how I refrain from any ghastly punnery here.
FIRE THAT SUB-EDITOR!
As we all know by now, Conrad is a hair-splitting pedant of the worst kind, and that's my best quality, apart from being a huge coward who is terrified of spiders. ANYWAY here's a ridiculous thumbnail from my news feed. Art!
"The Odyssey" is NOTHING TO DO WITH SCI-FI! It is an epic poem by Homer about the long, long journey home of Odysseus, the King of Ithaca, after the siege of Troy ends. Yes, I have read it, and the last third is how he gains revenge on the parasitic suitors attempting to woo his wife, showing you now the ancient Greeks loved a bit of cold-hearted vengeance.
Finally -
Going out with a Biercism -
"Namby-pamby,adj: having the quality of magazine poetry"
O Ambrose, you cruel critic you.
* 15.4 million PROUD IMPERIAL square miles.
