Hock Follies

NO!  This Is Not A Typo To Do With -

 - that somewhat obscure 'Rock Follies' musical-drama from the late Seventies, which Conrad dimly remembers catching from the corner of his eye, as it wasn't really very street-cred in the age of punk.  Art!

 

     Knock yourself out.

     ANYWAY we are back on the subject of architectural follies again, as the title may have led you to believe.  Firstly, because of my sieve-like memory, I need to have a quick scan of where we'd gotten to last time.  Old age and gin, old age and gin, I tell you they have a lot to answer for.  Art

     Behold!  Another folly from Painshill Park - which Conrad has been mis-spelling as 'Painhill' - this one being the 'Vineyard'.  What makes this a folly?  O I thought you'd never ask!  Well, can you imagine people trying to grow a vineyard here in This Sceptred Isle, which is not known for sunshine and viniculture?  I cannot, but then I'm not a cockeyed optimist, unlike Hamilton the estate owner.  He took the precaution of employing a French viniculturist whom performed minor miracles and made wine.  Which may very well have included a hock.  Art!

     Art!

The Chinese bridge

     Back to architectural rather than agricultural follies.  This is the incorrectly-named 'Chinese Bridge', so-called because the side-bracing was thought to be Chinese.  If you've not crossed this bridge already then you might never get the chance, as it was closed to the public in 2023: the bridge supports are seriously weakened thanks to time and British weather.  Art!

     Once you cross the Chinese Bridge, you are on Grotto Island, which is home to a - you may be ahead of me here - a grotto.  This is an artificial cavern that was studded with various mineral crystals, all lit up by light reflecting off the lake.  The Grotto did end up becoming grotty by the Second Unpleasantness, having lost all it's decorations.  These were restored back in the Eighties but unless they've installed a pontoon bridge, you're just going to have to imagine them.

     SCRATCH THAT - Art!

     On the other side of Grotto Island is the 'Woollett Bridge', a copy of a bridge built in Northern Italy by Palladio, whom was almost worshipped by eighteenth century architects.  Looks more like a perfectly sensible back up to the Chinese Bridge if you ask me.  Art!

     There is also a 5-arch bridge, which is so utterly dull compared to the other follies that this is all you get.  Art!

     Meet the Mausoleum, which shares with the 'Ruined Abbey' the distinction of being deliberately constructed as a ruin, and which originally sported sarcophagi and funerary urns, just to maintain a sombre atmosphere, aided by the planting of dark-leaved trees such as yew and cypress.  Why you'd want a buzzkill building like this is known only to enterprising architects such as Hamilton and their pash for Graeco-Roman funeral construction.  Art!

     What does a hermit live in?  Why, a Hermitage, of course.  That's what you're looking at here: essentially a thatched hut that was off the grid even in the eighteenth century, never mind the twenty-first.  There are two rooms: living room and bedroom.  Art!

     The hermit would need to be happy living without either electricity or running water, so no internet or poached eggs.  Legend has it that Hamilton hired a hermit to live there, who only lasted three weeks before getting cabin fever and sneaking off to the local pub.  Art!

     Much better-appointed!  The Gothic Tower, from atop which Hamilton could probably see his hired hermit sneaking out of the park.  He originally used it as a verrrry large display case, exhibiting his sculpture collection.  After restoration in the Eighties, the GT is now home to a Park Ranger during working hours.  He must encounter the Hermitage whilst patrolling, and thank the lord that his County Council employers aren't penny-pinching misers content to stick him in a hut.  Art!

     Like several other follies, this is a modern recreation of the original Temple Of Bacchus, erected in 2018 after the original had been plundered of all it's component parts, which were either sold off or re-used in different parts of the estate.  The original also collapsed in 1949.  Art!

     Last one, promise!  You might be fooled into thinking that this 'tent' is a fabric structure: not a bit of it.  It's a brick, wood, canvas and papier-mache replica of the original one, so possibly not the most resilient refuge in a rainstorm.

     So! that's a whistle-stop tour of the follies present at Painshill Park.  I've just saved you oodles of cash and time with my precis, and you're welcome.  

More Ungentle Shoeing

From a professional, no less!  Dr. John Ahrent, whom we have already mentioned in conjunction with a devastating assessment of how Mopey Dick The Orange Land Whale was experiencing dementia.  He very aptly pointed out that Donnie Dorko is never seen walking to or into the Oval Office, the cameras only start rolling when he's already sitting down.  Art!

     Being able to sit down means Don Snoreleone can drift off when speeches get boring, which means whenever Pumpkinhead isn't talking about himself.  Art!

      Macron comes to the rescue of an elderly man who doesn't know where he is or where he's supposed to go.  There was no team of bootlicking sycophants to crowd around DJ Tango and shepherd him in the right direction, so of course he simply heads off at random.

     In other late-breaking news, his cheating and applying political pressure on the venal head of FIFA had no effect, the South Canadian ballfoot team were malletted by the Belgians.  Ooops.  Donold exercising his Sadim touch again.

     

A Life On The Ocean Grave

Unless you are the modern equivalent of Simeon Stylites and have been living atop a pillar for the past 36 months, you can hardly fail to have noticed - especially if you read the blog - that Krim is enduring a desperate fuel drought, thanks to the Ukrainians destroying road and rail bridges and creating transport bottlenecks, and also attacking anything hauling fuel.  Art!

     The orcs are desperate enough to try sending 8 small fuel tankers across the Sea Of Azov to resupply Krim with fuel.  Alas, Babylon, the Kozaky were one step ahead of them and hit all of them with drones - the one above is a Firepoint as they are the models that use green targeting data.  A kind of underlining that the Ruffian merchant navy only operates at the whim and discretion of Kyiv.  It's a good job that Aksyonov, the puppet governor of Krim, is already going bald, or he'd be tearing his thatch out by the roots.  Art!

     Also, one of the Tweeters on 'Chuck Pfarrer's Twitter thread hit the nail on the head.

pitchford@aol.com

@anneepitchford

I am laughing my Azov.

1:48 PM · Jul 7, 2026

·

117

Views

Another What On Earth? Moment

This one came up in the primary news feed, not as an Item along the sidebars amongst other nonsensical articles, meaning that the system thinks it's positively mainstream.  Right?  Art!

     Wow!  I never knew my life was suffering from an absence of 3-pole circuit breakers, and most especially ones from Schneider!  How could I have been so blind!

     No, that's irony.  Conrad can live perfectly well without Schneider 3-Pole circuit breakers.  Just to be clear.

Treating Them Gingerly

Conrad has recently, in a fit of frothiness, decided to make a quart of ginger beer, for the first time ever.  The recipe required a couple of pints of water, brown sugar, lemon juice and six ounces of grated ginger, which makes the basic ginger drink; then one adds one-eighth of a teaspoon of yeast to ferment the sugar and leave fr a couple of days to develop.  Art!

     I have found that, once you crack the cap seal to let excess gas out, all the CO₂ in solution suddenly froths up, making for a brief experience unless you want a bath in ginger beer.  Conrad needs to taste and see what it's like BUT only a shot glass, for it now has alcohol content and I've no idea how strong or weak it may be.

Finally - 

Going out with a Biercism

"Battle,n: A method of untying with the teeth a political knot that would not yield to the tongue."

Ded Zeppelin

You KNEW That Pun Was Going To Emerge At Some Point

Now it has, so we can all be happy.  For Lo! we are back on the subject of Teuton zeppelins in the First Unpleasantness, which we left only half-finished at our last visit.  First of all, we are going to go off at a partial tangent, thanks to the need to create clickbait interest.  Art!

     The band themselves are featured, being the three sitting down and the one to starboard, the art director having superimposed their faces upon a real WW1 photograph of a Teuton fighter 'Jasta'.  The Zeppelin is more an absence than a presence here.

     Okay, back to the real thing.  I am drawing upon Wiki, Indi Neidell of 'The Great War' and Ian Stewart's 'Zeppelins, Gothas and Giants' website.

     1916 had been the high-water mark of the zeppelin raids upon This Sceptred Isle, forcing the government to get their act together with an accumulation of anti-aircraft guns, searchlights, telephone networks, radio eavesdropping and dedicated night-fighter squadrons.  Art!

     One of 306 bombing raids carried out over Great Britain and the North Sea, where the zeppelins were used as long range scouts, mine-spotters and to generally try to challenge the Royal Navy's own personal backwater.  Art!

One of 971 sojourns

     One of the vagaries of a rigid dirigible airship such as the zeppelin was it's vulnerability to weather, since it had such a vast surface area for winds to act upon.  Not only that, their captains were always trying to hit ever-higher altitudes to keep out of gun range or scout interceptors, which, joined with trying to make headway against strong winds, tended to cause engine failure.  One engine down of six might be sustainable, but not more than that; the zeppelins tried to bomb during night time to make their job easier and that of the British much harder, and losing more than one engine would slow the gas bag sufficiently that it would not be able to get away before dawn.  Art!

Count Orlok feels your pain, zep

     As previously mentioned, the British came up with increasingly horrid types of bullets for use against the giant gasbags, ending with 'Buckingham' incendiary ammunition, which had a phosphorous core that burned at over 800º C.  Anormal machine gun bullet would merely pierce one of the hydrogen cells if it hit, but a Buckingham would ignite the hydrogen and send the zeppelin down in flames.  This took a great deal of the fun out of being a Teuton zeppelin crewman, who might have to make the judgement of whether to burn or jump.  Ded zeppelin indeed.  

     Let us take a closer look at the zeppelin activity o'er Perfidious Albion in 1917.  Art!

     On 16/17th March 5 zeppelins attempted to carry out bombing raids in the south and south east of England, but struggled against strong winds and heavy cloud cover, causing very little damage.  One of the five was forced by weather over French territory near Compiegne, and was shelled by three anti-aircraft batteries until it crashed in flames, all the crew being killed.  Art!

     On the night of 23/24th May, six zeppelins came to attack London but thanks to high winds at altitude, were forced to bomb random targets across the south east, once again causing very little damage - there is much talk of 'broken windows' and 'bombs exploded in a field'.  The poor visibility that shielded them from the scrambled night fighters of the Royal Flying Corps and Royal Naval Air Service also prevented them from bombing with any accuracy at all.

     They were back in June, on the night of 16/17th, where of 6 gasbags, only two managed to reach England, again prevented from progress thanks to the weather.  Not only that, L48 was shot down.  She had struggled with engine problems and a frozen compass all night, meaning the British night fighters were able to catch up with her and shoot her down in flames.  Art!

Amazingly, 3 of the crew survived

     The zeppelin's swan-song in 1917 was another damp squib of a mission, where 5 of the 11 despatched had to turn back and return to Germany.  The remaining 6 wildly mis-identified the towns and harbours they attacked, and tended to immediately turn and run for cloud cover as soon as British anti-aircraft guns opened fire.

     In fact during 1917 the Teutons had turned to their very large 'Gotha' bomber as a far cheaper and less flammable substitute for the zeppelin, which was able to bomb in daylight with little fear of interception.  A Gotha cost about $15,000, whereas the cheapest Teuton zeppelin, the L1 model, cost £300,000, and the very latest model, the LZ53, cost £890,000.  Thus, a swarm of thirty Gothas could reliably get to London and bomb it in daylight, meaning they could accurately spot targets.

     Which is another story for a different kitchen.

GOLMAN IS ANGRY!

Allow me to elucidate.  'Golman' is one of the Ruffian milbloggers and extreme nationalists who don't think Putinpot has gone far enough in waging war against Ukraine.  He broadcasts short, angry videos about how the authorities aren't even approaching basic competence, and is very, very sweary about it.  Art!

     This is unusually abstemious for him, usually there's a lot more four-letter words included.  He was fulminating on 5th July about the Omsk refinery, the biggest one in the whole of Mordorvia.  Art!

     Yes, this is the Omsk refinery, 2.5 thousand kilometres from Ukraine, hit by as many as 12 drones because, after all, what could possibly go wrong?  I fear tomorrow's obituaries in the Ruffian media will feature a middle-aged man with a large beard, who died from a rage-induced stroke after punching a hole in his laptop monitor.  Art!

     That most Ruffian of tropes, memes and behaviours, The Endless Petrol Queue, has now arrived in Omsk, where the locals are desperate to adopt this latest fashion imported from western Mordorvia.  Don't get the impression that this will lead to bonding between Benzin beasts; quite the opposite.  Art!

     Words were exchanged, a milkshake was thrown, a mess was made and a windscreen was smashed in.  All free entertainment.  Bring your own popcorn*.

No Small Feat

You ought to recall that we here at BOOJUM! are always, always, always seeking to traduce and mock Mopey Dick The Orange Land Whale, and let's face it, he's always been low-hanging fruit.  In fact, here's another hideous photo of his sagging sepia sackbut scr - O no, sorry, it's his face.  Art!

     The lights are on yet there's nobody home.  That embroidered name patch is to remind him what his name is.

     ANYWAY the person who makes Donold look healthy by comparison is the ex-Majority Leader in the Senate, Mitch McConnell.  He is at least 189 years old and looks older, and had the misfortune to undergo a mental 'freeze' in front of cameras a couple of years ago, which nobody has allowed him to forget, least of all us tasteless termagants at the blog.  Art!

     The reason folks dislike Macca is because he refused to move forward with impeaching DJ Tango on the second occurrence, which would have saved everyone a whole lot of bother.

     Macca has been missing in action for days now, with EMTs called to his residence to deal with an unconscious person, meaning - 

     Well, a few cynics amongst South Canadian political observers reckon the Wizard Lizard Gizzard party will try and pretend he's fine for as long as possible, to avoid having to run an election to fill the empty seat.  'Weekend At Bernie's' kind of vibe.

A Leading Question

Conrad is unsure for whom the recently released 'Supergirl' film was made, as it certainly wasn't him and he has no plans to ever watch it.  I have high hopes for the 'Rogue Trooper' animated film in the offing that a couple of verrrry picky film critics have given a definite thumbs up.  But 'Supergirl'?  No thanks.  Art!

     Er - make better films?  Just a wild thought from outside the box.  You know, a good script, a good director and a few good actors.  How hard can it be?  Take 'Godzilla Year One' or 'Backrooms' as examples.

Finally -

The ginger beer is now frothing slightly and producing it's own carbonation.  Just so you know.

*  And possibly a gun, as has already happened.

TREE LAW! TREE LAW!

Settle Down, Now

One of the most entertaining and schadenfreuden-laden topics on Youtube's various Reddit-relaying channels is, without a doubt, 'Tree Law'.  Nearly all of these tales are from South Canada and I can only think of two that took place here in This Sceptred Isle, where a Tree Preservation Order can be imposed by the local council; this makes it illegal to do anything to a TPO-protected tree.  A tip from the old country that the Treacherous Colonial Ingrates would do well to adopt.  Not that I'm simmering with righteous rage at their 4th July shenanigans.  Well, not much.  Well, quite a lot, actually.  Art!

Well, an incredible amount, actually

     ANYWAY the thing about trees is that people take them for granted, since they have been part of the background for decades, or centuries.  The bills that can fall due thus come as an unpleasant surprise.

     The tale is narrated by Seventies-HOme Purchaser, hereafter SHOP, who bought a house sitting on an acre-and-a-half of land, next to a subdivision that was run by a Home Owners Association, the HOA of notoriety.  SHOP made certain that his property was entirely uninvolved with the HOA, definitively and certainly by checking all the admin background.  Art!

     The chief selling-point was a 180-year old bur oak squarely in the middle of the front garden, which SHOP's Spouse And Tree afficIoNado, hereafter SATIN, loved, as did his child, who put up a swing on it.

     Enter the HOA president, BOb, hereafter HOBO, whom hated SHOP's oak with a passion beyond human understanding, harassing the family for the next TWO YEARS, behaving as if they were HOA members.  A year into their moving in, the HOA began to send official-looking notifications about fines, escalating from $50 up to $250.  SATIN warned SHOP to keep them for later reference, not trash, shred or burn them, so he paid attention to her and filed them away.  HOBO ended up sending a notice that if the tree was not removed within 30 days, the HOA would remove it and bill SHOP for the expense.  Art!

This is why AI will never conquer the world

     Under advisement from a legal friend, SHOP sent the HOA a 'Cease and Desist' letter, which was signed for and confirmation returned.

     All done and dusted, right?

     Wrong.

     SHOP and SATIN had to leave for her native country, where her grandma had died.  Dealing with the funeral and estate took four weeks away from South Canada, and when they returned - Art!

     Yes, HOBO had ensured the bur oak had been cut down, removed and even the stump dug up and taken away.  When confronted, HOBO gloasted that 'The tree was a hazard to the community.  The community decided."

     SO YOU HAVE CHOSEN DEATH! as SHOP may have thought but wasn't enraged enough to say.  

     He posted the above on Reddit and asked for advice, and Reddit really came through for him.  Commenter #1 laid it out: 1) Report it to the police as this is a felony crime due to cost involved; 2) Have a consulting arborist visit to assess value and health of the tree; 3) Hire a surveyor to confirm property boundaries; 4) Get an attorney; 5) Do not clear up any of the evidence; 6) Identify the service who cut the tree down.  A bur oak of 180 years age would possibly be worth into six figures, and this took place in Texas - where the plaintiff can claim TREBLE damages for an illegally-felled tree.  Art!

     Then, too, the lumber from the felled tree would be worth a substantial amount.  Flouting the C & D also put HOBO and his fellow board members firmly in the wrong, and verrrry deeply so.  Oops.

     The police were initially uninterested until they heard '180 years old', at which point they got handcuffs in their eyes and took copious notes.  The consulting arborist spent 4 hours to determine the oak had been perfectly healthy.  The attorney specialising in easement and TREE LAW took the case on contingency (or no win, no fee).  The surveyor confirmed the oak had been well inside property lines.  Art!

     SHOP tracked down the tree service, who co-operated and provided documents given to them by HOBO - that confirmed he'd forged SHOP's signature to get the tree removed.  His attorney shouted in glee when this came to light as it turned the case from a civil to a criminal one.  

     Next bombshell was the consulting arborist's report, which valued the tree at - waitforitwaitforit - $251,400.

<SEVEN MONTH HIATUS>

     SHOP's attorney told them to stop posting whilst the case went ahead, so they came back after the criminal case went to court.

     HOBO was charged with criminal mischief, forgery and theft, and criminal trespass, found guilty on all four and sentenced to four years in prison.  Ooops.  Then came the civil case.  The HOA's insurance company refused to pay $00.01 as they'd breached their terms of contract.  The tree service's insurance company ponied up $200,000.

     Four board members were found liable and had to pay $25,000 each.  The HOA settled for $75,000 and had to mortgage future dues to manage even that.  HOBO had to sell his house to satisfy the civil judgement of $625,000 against him, as well as getting divorced by his wife.  Shucks to be you, Bob: four years in prison with no house or wife when you get out.  Art!

     All told, SHOP got just over $1,000,000 in the various settlements.

     The HOA is now fighting within itself as to whether the members want to continue with it, as they are going to have to pay x3 their normal dues to get it back into credit.

     SHOP bought another bur oak and is happy waiting another 100 years for it to get up to speed.

Okay, After That Wall Of Text

Allow me to put up a bizarre picture that came up on my news feed for no reason I can identify.  Art!

     At a guess, round steel light poles are easier to manufacture than square or octagonal ones.  The council have begun replacing the old street lamps on Rochdale Road with new, slimline-light versions, which I've noted yet not commented on at all, so why this and why now?  Who knows.

Thank You Serhii

Which is the Ukrainian form of the Ruffian 'Sergei', and what follows is definitely the Kozaky poking malicious fun at the orcs.  Art!

     Trolling taken to the next level.  Watch it turn up on mobile phones across Eastern Europe and cause vatniks to froth with rage.

     Excuse me for a minute or two, I need to box up the Sunday Stew and check the ginger beer bottles.  Back shortly.

     Evidence of slight fermentation in the bottles.  No idea what it will taste like.

More Blasting From The Past

I think this is the last illo I can put up from 'Cape Canaveral Space Force Museum' that can be explained, which is a consequence of them not having captions, narration or 'See More' about what they put on screen.  Art!

     A few of these titles are obvious - 'PAD#' is a launch pad and 'SKID STRIP' is for skidding to a halt upon.  No, actually it's a military airstrip, that acquired the 'Skid' nickname when the Air Force was landing Snark missiles on it, since they used a landing skid, not wheels.  The 'VAB' is the 'Vertical Assembly Building' where the Saturn V was - you may be ahead of me here - assembled vertically.  The 'NOTU' is the 'Naval Ordnance Testing Unit' that tests weapons such as SLAMBAMs - 'Submarine Launched Ballistic Missiles'.  The 'SAB' is the 'Satellite Assembly Building' where they put together, and occasionally cause to fall over, satellites.  The 'OPF' is now obsolete as it was the 'Orbiter Processing Facility' back when the Space Shuttle was still flying.  Next to that is the 'SLF' being the 'Shuttle Landing Facility'.  The 'ITL' is indeed in the middle of the Banana River, constructed on an artificial island and stands for 'Integrate Transfer Launch', where large rockets from the Sixties onwards were launched.

Finally -

The nights are drawing in.  It'll be winter before we know it.