Of course we shall be ignoring the crap monsters - an incredible eeeevil robot made out of liquorice sweets, anyone*? Or a soft-focus panto bird costume**? Or a small humanoid pig***? No, we won't be going over the more famous ones; no Daleks or Cybermen here. Instead we shall have "They only serve who only stand and wait" monsters, which would probably sound really impressive in Latin or French.
This was going to be a short post on the earlier "Queens Park Rangers" blog, but it kind of grew in the telling.
Доктор Кто - Doctor Who in Russian. You're welcome.
Bok
This particular little beast plays on the fear we have on the inanimate becoming animate,
animate and intelligent. It predates the Weeping Angels but plays into a similar trope.
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| No, it's not big - but it can instantly disintegrate you. |
"Sergeant! Chap with the wings there - five rounds rapid fire!"
| As uttered by The Brig |
Of course, as Bok is a stone gargoyle come to life, the bullets don't do much. Even when
blown to bits by bazooka^, Bok merely reassembles.
The Mining Robot
Firstly, not one of these:
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| Really, a very nice design here. |
These are robots that work on a travelling mining platform, which is not quite the same as
being a robot that mines:
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| Terrifying. In 1970 |
Conrad, as a small and fearful child, hid behind the cushion when this scene began.
"Dad, dad, what happened?" I pleaded.
"You should have watched it if you wanted to know," replied Conrad's elder and better. And
he wouldn't be drawn on it, leaving hideous fevered imaginations to hold sway, when the real
thing is a vending machine with arms.
Rutans
These critters have a whole lot of potential, but haven't reappeared since their debut in
"Horror of Fang Rock". They appear naturally as Giant Green Gooseberries, but! they are also
shapeshifters, so - whom exactly are you sitting next to?
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| I think this counts as "Rutan in the raw" |
And to prove how impeccable their disguise is:
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| A perfect replica, indistinguishable from the real thing. Apart from being glowing green ... |
Kraals
These chaps ought to have a separate heading all of their own. Why so? Well, they are
spectacularly ugly. Even their own mothers hate them. Take a look!
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| Mirror-crackers, both of them |
These brutes look Miserable with a capital "Misery". Now, that's not the only reason they
feature here. They may beat every human girner hands down, yet they are not stupid^^and
have created a set of robot workers and infiltration robots to do their bidding.
First, the drones:
| It's rude to point. And to point and kill. |
These chaps are mere workers, who owe a debt to the Autons in that they have a lethal right
hand. Not very accurate, fortunately, or Doctor Who would have finished with the Fourth
Doctor^^^. Then we have the Replirobots:
| Terrifying. In 1974 |
These are designed to look and behave exactly like their human equivalent, in order to infiltrate
our society and take over a radio telescope. Because as every fule kno, taking over the radio
telescopes is how to subjugate the world!
Or not. There are some serious quality control issues with the robots; that above is Sarah Jane,
but her face fell off. As a way of revealing that she's actually a robot replica - yes, well done. It
does not bode well for any invasion of Earth, given that a slight knock can divulge your Big Secret
Invasion Force.
 |
| Kraal Replicator Robot after a First bus journey. |
The Wirrn
These were rather more intimidating before we got to see them "spacewalking round the hull",
when they appeared to be a collection of <ahem> puppets, and more as a source of an hideous,
trans-mogrifying DNA-rescripting disease. I think Noah would agree with this. Noah, do you
have a comment? Noah? Noah!
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| Bet he'd make a good gardener. Green fingers, you see .. |
when even more of Noah gets greened, about a quarter in fact. This is relevant to the plot as he
is more mobile than the other Wirrn grubs and is able to sally forth. Get it? A quarter? O - you do.
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| Noah. Don't be sympathetic - no Ah. |
Then there's the Second Stage, when Noah is more like a human bag of spinach & chestnuts on
legs:
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| Or perhaps Gteen and Blacks. You know, the chocolate people |
Out of a sense of closure I suppose I have to post what the final product looks like:
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| Frightening as crane flies. |
Well I think that's all for tonight. For an article that was intended to take five minutes it's been a
long hour and twenty.
Oh, before I go, one of the most thoughtful images in television science fiction:
The Doctor comes face-to-face with a Silurian. Taken by surprise, he does not shriek, run away,
pull out a gun or a knife or try some Venusian akido - he attempts to shake hands.
Take that Captain James Tiberius Kirk!
* Paradise Towers
** The Time Monster
*** No! Not Bonnie Langford!
^ Accidental alliteration.
^^ Given their bizarre plan to Take Over The Earth, this is debatable.
^^^ Some people out there hate Stephen Moffat so much they would have gone with this.
