I wonder, ought I to adulterate my stocks of loose leaf Darjeeling with a baser form of tea and thus eke out the supplies a bit longer? Decisions, decisions - it's all very well for those of you on the wrong side of the Atlantic to be laughing up your sleeves at the desperate Englishman and his worries about bits of plants from India.
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| London - IF NO DARJEELING! |
If the boot were on the other hoof and Columbia's second most important export suddenly failed, what would your attitude be?
Anyway, let us fulfill this afternoon's promise (or threat, it depends on your viewpoint) about matters martial, and Martian. In fact, let us marshall the Martians -
The War Of The Worlds (1953)
Conrad, as you ought to know by now, is a hair-splitting pedant of the worst kind, who delights in spotting and correcting spelling and continuity errors, you know, that crop up in films.
| "I'm not debating it - ontology DOES recapitulate phylogeny" |
So. Let us now turn to the Goofs section of TWOTW, and see what is there present-
Actually, one of the posters there makes a very good point about the wires visible, holding up the Martian's war machines. On original release, the screen processing meant the film's resolution was too low for the wires to be seen, and it wasn't until it's re-release in 1969 in a different format that the wires became visible. Oh well.
"The human weapons can't penetrate the Martian force-fields, so the Martian weapons shouldn't be able to, either" whinges one complainant.
Dumkopf! Idiot! Baffoon! The Martians pretty obviously use PARTICLE BEAM and LASER weapons, NOT the human projectiles that have a physical KINETIC effect. Puny human weapons are useless against the force-field's anti-ballistic properties; lasers, as I mentioned previously, would do the job.
| Martian city-planning in action |
Another Goof. "Ooh, ooh, the Martians are so much more advanced than we are so how can they possibly be overcome by terrestrial micro-organisms?"
Bumbletuck! Nincompoop! Schneuzel*! It is indeed hugely unlikely that Mars is free of micro-organisms, so the horrid spindly invaders will be familiar with them. However, good luck coming up with anti-biotics or vaccines for an entirely different planet.
A small point, yet an important one.
Of course, I might be overthinking this ...
| A Martian sneezes |
War Is A Weighty Matter
Especially for those at the sharp end, in more ways than one. Yes, we are back to the 6th Brigade MG Co. war diary once more. I know you're dying eager for me to share my insights with you, so here we are.
There is mention in the diary of the company firing 40,000 rounds of harassing fire into the Teuton lines. This is a lot of ammunition. Bear in mind that a box of ammunition for the Vickers gun contains 250 rounds of bullets in a fabric belt; that means they fired off 160 boxes of ammo. These had to be carried forward to the gun positions by sweating Canadian soldiers, and thanks to the issue of weight, a man could only carry two boxes. Recall, if you will, that picture of the SAS on Leros. Art?
| Ha! Wimpy guy on the right is only carrying one box |
They are cheating a bit here, having bandoliers slung around them, though I hope the point gets across. One of those boxes comes in at 22 pounds weight (10 kilograms if you insist on using those horrid metric terms), so you can see why carrying more than two would strain the physique.
Let us illustrate the point further. Art?
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| Clear enough? |
If you recall, earlier in the year the company fired off a mere 4,000 rounds in a defensive fire mission, which is 16 boxes of ammo - and if you fire it off, then you have to replace it from brigade dumps further to the rear. Further sweating Canadian soldiers!
In the entry above for the 6th the company carried up 40,000 rounds of ammo - or, put another way, 160 boxes of ammunition. Over a ton and a half, which again - boy, those Canadian's don't half sweat some!
Ooh, things have been grim up to here, haven't they? The end of the world, and the First Unpleasantness, and a potential shortfall in Darjeeling tea. Let me just tell you that the Finnish for "Paratrooper" is "Laskuvarjojaakaria".
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| The creature in question |
* These are insults, lest it not be clear
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