The Darjeeling Buds Of May

Yes, Still With The Tea-based Puns!
Don't carp, it doesn't become you.  Besides, that title serves a dual purpose, because it comes from the repellently omnipresent Barf of Avon, to wit:

"Rough winds do shake

The darling buds of May."

     No doubt university professors have gushed profusely at all the flower imagery and how he works in the British summer weather (apparently as bad in the 17th century as nowadays) and what the metre is etcetera etcetera.  Conrad values brevity; could Windbag William just have said "It's windy"? or was he being paid by the word count?

Condemned out of his own mouth!

Here an aside.  I am actually typing this out at 9 ante meridian, as my work shift for today - did I tell you I was working again? - runs from 11 until 7, and I'm unlikely to get home much before 8:30 - I can hear your tears falling from here.  Were it to take the usual hour to put together BOOJUM! I'd not post it until 9:30, which is a bit late, hence this cracking on first thing.  And now, back to our regularly scheduled broadcast -

     Except it's finished.  Alright, let the motley commence it's drunken staggers!

Shakespoke
You see?  You see how everything hangs together?  There is a plan here, you know*.  We start with a quote from Shakespeare and then set about belabouring him with verbal clubs.  I'd be happy to use real ones, but he's inaccessible and all, being dead.
     Anyway, I have a bit of doggerel for you.

"But soft, what light from yonder window breaks?

Well mate, saying "Breaks" and "Window" is a mistake,

If ought were to happen we'd all be a witness -

"Yes, officer - he threw the brick - villain confess!"

     I'll admit it's not as punchy as the Full Fathom Five stuff, but you have to work with what you've got.

It’s always fun to hurl opprobrium-laced darts at Billy Shakes, the arrant swine.  Take that, Bill!  And that!  And here’s this –

“But soft, what light from yonder window breaks –“

It’s Jamie Oliver and he’s cooking up steaks.

He’s using a gas hob which he’s set too high.

This unpoetic illumination is what caught your eye.

From wanton vandalism to wasting energy, all we need now is a Hollywood actor … Oh!  Here’s one

“But soft, what light from yonder window breaks-“

It’s the actor and director Jonathan Frakes.

He performed superbly directing “First Contact”

But his “Thunderbirds” was a disastrous act.

Timely and accurate, as always*, with your humble scribe.  “First Contact”, which I rewatched recently, is an excellent film, possibly because it takes place in a distinctly grubby reality, rather than the pristine plastic precision of the Federation.  “Thunderbirds”, though – oh dear.  For some incomprehensible reason it was pitched as a film for children.  Small children.  Small idiot children.  Although your humble scribe must confess <coughcough> he did buy the DVD.  Purely so I could rip it a new one, you understand, not at all for enjoyment.

The original and supreme

“The War Of The Worlds” (1953)

Yes, we are back to the Goofs, and here’s a juicy one.  The Professor’s truck is being looted by a seething mob – hey, who knew scanning electron microscopes were such hot items for sweaty-handed purloiners? – and he’s been punched to the outside of said mob.  He frantically addresses what the Goofer calls “MPs”, and the Goofer states that one of them makes to follow; yet in the next shot not only is the “MP” not following the Prof, neither of these stalwart guardians are present.

Make do with this

     Yes, well, there’s a reason for that.  For one thing, they aren’t MPs, they’re a couple of civvies given a helmet and an armband.  Moreover, one of them has just been given a right shoeing and been badly biffed by brawling bystanders.  It’s obvious what happens once the Prof turns away and tries to get those scanning electron microscopes – they turn and run away, and I cannot criticise them for that – you’d need guns to stop the thieves.  Big guns!

Gene Barry in "War of the Worlds" - no, hang on a minute -

“Movie 43”

This cropped up on Youtube, and I’d never heard of it.  It is, apparently, a dreadful film, even if the cast is quite stellar.  How did it come to be?  Well, the crafty director shot a short film featuring Kate Winslet and Hugh Jackman, and used this to persuade the rest of the cast to appear; kind of picking them off one at a time.  The whole thing is composed of 13 different vignettes, all terrible.  So, it is inevitable that your talented typist will see it at some point.  Hey, every bad film is bad in it’s own way, and by watching a bad film you get to appreciate a good one.

*  This is a lie <the harsh truth courtesy Mister Hand>

*  If you find out what it is, please let me know about it