- and being on the front of a bus.
I do hope my vitriol-filled screeds about First Bus haven't become boring, even if their content is somewhat predictable. Ah me, imagine if Stagecoach took them over and they ran efficiently: less raw material for the blog.
Well, here's a brief summation of today's travel tick-boxes.
On time? Yes.
Double-decker? Yes.
The Metro? No. NO! Because you were BAD. Downright WICKED, in fact. Bordering, dare we say it, on EVIL.
Or something. Conrad would like to point out to First Bus management that he is not, actually, responsible for Eve feeling a bit peckish in the presence of a Braeburn.
A Little Musical Critique
Right, let us instantly focus on that collection of lyrical nonsense known as "The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway" by Genesis, because it's an easy target. Hey, I never claimed to be noble. Okay Paul and Art, you can emerge from the tornado shelter with your half-drunk bottle of Thunderbird, we're not looking at you. Today.
The song we analyse today is called "Carpet Crawlers" and despite my curmudgeonly carping, it is one of my favourite Genesis songs. Yes, I know what you're thinking: good lord, he's that critical of a song he likes! Watch out Bieber when this chap becomes World Dictator!"
"There is lambswool under my naked feet"
Ah yes Peter Gabriel, this tells us more about you than you realise. Just couldn't wait to get "naked" in there, could you? Also, I would caution Rael that wandering about this world of weird barefoot is a very bad idea. There might be stones, or broken rusty razorblades, or sentient dustbin lids.
"The wool is soft and warm"
Thank you for clarifying that, Peter. Though I have yet to come across wool that was harsh and cold, because that would make it a Brillo Pad.
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"Gives off some kind of heat"
BLOODY HELL Rael, move, you idiot, the rug's on fire!
"A salamander scurries into flame to be destroyed"
See? I told you the rug - hang on, where did that lizard come from? Quick, call the Fire Brigade AND the R.S.P.C.A. Watch out for brother John, he's even more of an idiot than Rael. In fact, did you give him matches to play with?
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| The Brits and Brother John: neither to be trusted near a naked flame. |
"Imaginary creatures are trapped at birth on celluloid"
What? Imaginary like the Snark? Or the <shudders> Boojum? Bandersnatchi? Puppeteers? Protoids?
| - you see |
Also highly volatile, not to mention extremely flammable, liable to burst into -
RAEL! Put those matches down!
Hello, nine nine nine?
Atentu!
This got mentioned in passing yesterday. However, there's a word count of 750 to hit and Conrad is counting on your short attention span.
Okay, it is your humble scribe's practice to bring BOOJUM!s traffic stats up on a screen and check them at lunch and hometime. Self-affirmation. Or back-patting, if you want to be blunt. To get the blog up your modest artisan used to simply Google "Boojum!" and "Voles" and Hay Pesto! a link would appear. Oh, the exclamation mark is important, otherwise you end up with a Belfast restaurant.
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| Thus |
What? What?
If you read the blog on a regular basis then you know we pride ourselves on being Safe For Work. No swearing or cursing or obscenities. There was that lady's bottom one time, except it was on a statue. "Dog Buns" is the official swear and as wild as we get round here. Where on earth do jazz, cake and tanks feature on a sliding scale of sordid sexual seediness?
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| Avert your eyes! Boiled cauliflower! |
I could have just written that last paragraph, except Word Count.
Today's Coincidence
Sat next to the exuberant and eternally-jolly Janice, she referred to your talented typist as "Baggio", which made his blood run cold, no mean feat when what courses through his veins is nitromethane and lava.
I should explain. My Real Name is, as you may have inferred, "Robert", although this is unacceptable for most work colleagues, who prefer "Roberto". Paul, whom I used to work with in the distant past, took this one step further and called me "Bajj" - explained as a diminution of "Baggio" because of the Italian footballer Roberto Baggio.
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| Hmmm. So he is real. |
Edna, back when she was cute -
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| Cuter, perhaps |
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