Before I continue with the story of my narrow escape, I need to tell you about how Tom put his foot in it.
Not literally, sadly, since the spectacle of a young chap desperate enough to shod himself with a 2 pence piece or a bit of cardboard is always amusing. He put it out there that he was waiting for your humble scribe to come out with something entertaining, and to oblige I informed all present that I was making out my Gift Aid form for Church Organ World and Professor Ian Tracey's organ recital. Tom honestly yet unwittingly came out with a comment that he realised, with a facepalm, was incredibly smutty. No I shan't repeat it. Use your imagination.
Conrad's second contribution to the japefest of lunch was his remaindered chicken roll. Art?
"What date is it?" asked your modest artisan. On being told that it was the 21st of September, I continued: "Oh, okay, this is from the 10th. It looks okay."
Tom gagged, laughed unbelievably, then gagged again.
"It's not gone mouldy or slimy and it's not a funny colour," I continued.
"Don't do it!" begged Tom. I think he gagged again, but may only have been eating his biscuits.
"Eating that might be considered a case of suicide," opined Domini.
"But - but - Food Safety - it's a challenge, not a warning!" I replied. Tom gagged again.
Rather grumpily, your talented typist conceded the point and didn't eat the chicken.
However, I have just found a carton of yoghurt that I'd forgotten about, left out for a week or so, which I might tackle later on. You can hear Tom gag as he reads this, can't you?
GROM!
Which is Polish for "thunder" and if these chaps are after you then, indeed, a very loud noise will probably be the last thing to hit your ear. They are one of the Polish army's top special forces groups, full name "Jednostka Wojskowa Grupa Reagowania Operacyjno Manewrowego". So you can see why they abbreviate it a bit. Art?
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| Their symbol |
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPISjPyyUak
Worth a watch and a smirk. Spaghetti western Krakow-style ...
"Napoleon's Invasion Of Russia" By Paul A. Britten
Things are getting verrrry sticky for the French. Stickier, I should say, as they were already in a pretty bad way.
"Starving, freezing and a very long way from home. What else can go wrong?" I hear you quiz. Plenty, for your information!
The French are not far ahead of the pursuing Russians, and now have to cross the Berezina River. Despite it being late November, the river hasn't frozen, so the French need bridges to cross it, and they will need to be long sturdy bridges because the Berezina is in spate and is extra-wide and deep. And the Russians hold the only bridge at Borrisow and have wrecked it. And are waiting opposite the French at the only possible fording place.
Once again, only the Ruffians going astray allows the not-so-Grande Armee to survive. The French see the Ruffians at the ford march away southwards, towards Borrisow. It's not a trick: the Ruffian generals think that the French at the ford are a bluff and the real attempt to cross will be made at Borrisow.
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| See Russia and diet |
Oh, Nappy the military fathead did have a complete bridging train at Smolensk. Which he had burnt, so he could use it's horses to pull cannons.
Right.
Oh, purely FYI, some of the most effective units left in the French army are - Polish.
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| I say, well done Art! |
I do hope you realise that I threw away about 30p-worth of chicken roll. Money doesn't grow on trees, you know.
It may have been cheap and nasty, but it was MY cheap and nasty. And you know I can eat anything bar live nuclear fuel rods.
Hmmm. I've never actually tried live nuclear fuel rods, you know -
What's this?
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| ART! |
Excuse me whilst I break out the cattle-prod and Industrial Tazer Cannon.
Finally -
Conrad's sinister forward-planning at work. If you've read the Facebook or Twitter blurb, then you know why this is here:
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| How very apt |
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