A Slightly Chuffed Author Here

Allow Me To Translate
For, if you are unlucky enough not to hail from the Allotment Of Eden*, our idiom may be a little hard to follow, quite beside the nonsense words that your humble scribe makes up.  In the sense of today's title, "Chuffed" means "Pleased", although given my natural lack of strong emotion I am merely Slightly Pleased.  "Chuffed to little ribbons" would be going a bit far, frankly, because we're British, dammit, and we don't go in for things like that.
     "But why are you bothering us with this information, Conrad?" I hear you asking, as I suspect you are clock-watching until the Hollyoaks Omnibus comes on.
     Well, I was sat with three scallywags from the Business Services team at lunchtime today.  Russell, Tom and Domini.  Domini is a recent arrival and was rash enough yesterday to enquire what I was scribbling about in my notebook - for my first novel?  I explained it was notes for BOOJUM! and that my first novel was actually only a manuscript, because it's not a novel until it's published.

 - and this lot would probably want royalties

     Poor gel.  She probably got a lot information more than she ever dreamed possible existed about Fanfiction, Captain Scarlet For Adults, Zombie Apocalypses and Mutant Superhumans.  Par for the (lunch) course with your humble scribe.
     Back to today.  Rather than me having to expend effort into creating an imaginative opening for BOOJUM! - for I will bore endlessly about it if not physically restrained - Russell brought it up, having read it over porridge at breakfast.
     "It is wistful and insightful," declared Tom, a judgement that I warned him was going to get, if not immortalised, then made at least quite long-lived.  I would have preferred "fear", "horror" and "awed respect" but, frankly, "Wistful" and "Insightful" are plenty good enough.
     So - Slightly Chuffed.

Conrad.  Slightly chuffed.
Steady on, man!

"Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows"
Okay, I think we've gotten AGOS's formaldehyde out of our system, which is a good thing as it's pretty poisonous stuff.  They use it to pickle things that need to be pickled forever, like a supervinegar; you wouldn't drink vinegar, would you?  Still less SUPERvinegar.
     Okay.  On with the anachronisms, which if you were unaware, are things out of time.
     Not in the sense of "O dearie me I don't have time to press this shirt before setting off to work".  More along the lines of "Oooh, look at that, a Challenger main battle tank on the field at Waterloo", or "I say, Doctor, the Mad Monk is supplying Harold Hadrada with nuclear-tipped missiles".

And popping eyes.  Don't forget them

     Minenwerfers:  deadly little artillery pieces; it's a shame they aren't actually invented for another 20 years.  Still, they look the part.

Every home should have one.

     Light machine gun: or perhaps a sub-machine gun.  The Internet Movie Firearms Database claims that it's based on the 1895 lightweight Maxim, 

Which see

although your humble scribe wonders about an Italian sub-machine gun with a similar magazine arrangement.  The film weapon has an extremely high rate of fire and Doctor Watson should have picked up 20 magazines, not just 2.

The OVP

     Grenades:  these look rather like rifle grenades, which the British army wouldn't have for another 25 years.  They do make a splendid bang, however.

Every home should have a hundred

     The Mauser C96 Broomhandle is a bit early, too, but we'll let that pass as it's close enough to get a cigar.

The Torrid Tale Of Today's Travel
Or should that be "Toxic"?  Well well, how many tick boxes can First Bus manage today?
     None!
     On time?  No.  Late.  There's hardly anyone on the bus, how can it be late?  <puzzled sigh>
     The Metro?  No.  Because we have been bad.  We are BAD and therefore do not deserve The Metro.  Or something.  BAD! generally the theme.  Original sin and all that.
     Double Decker?  No.  NO! and obviously so.  After all, the schools are back from holidays, so naturally First must accommodate fewer people, because passengers are, lest we forget, LOATHSOME SCUM!  First Bus would run a lot better without them.

First Bus Spokesdemon agrees with Conrad
(Probably a first)

     Although, as it is obviously First Day Back For Schools, Conrad was treated to the sight of two adoring mothers seeing their sons off for the first day at secondary school.  Splendid lads, they concealed their hideous embarrassment very well indeed.
     Addendum:  no tick boxes on the bus home, either.  Late, single decker and no Metro (because we were BAD).

"Cummerbund"
This may sound vaguely rude - and if deliberately enunciated by Russell of the first article, it would sound extremely rude - but fear not, it is entirely SFW.
     Although, to digress a moment, BOOJUM! and "Voles" are not.  Normally I use this search term to bring up the blog on my office PC before work, yet last week it was blocked "Due to sexual content".  Quite why this is so puzzles your humble scribe, as he takes pains to avoid anything that smacks of salciousness.

The Vole:  apparently a sinister sexual metaphor

     Back to the bund of cummer. This was a Pub Quiz answer, and your modest artisan - of course! - wondered where it came from.
     O divine irony.  It's Persian in origin, from "Kamar" meaning "Waist" and "Bandi" which means "Band", and it was originally worn by lower-class domestic servants, which is a thought to conjure with next time you see a load of rich WASPS straining to keep their stomachs in.

James Bond: cummerbund and invisible cricket ball

Well!  And I had so much more to offer, except we're well over limit and I've not had my tea yet.  Pip Pip!

*  Because it's dry today