I Speak Of Cheek (And Greek)

Yup, That's Me
More brass neck than the statue of Talos. I'm so ch- what's that?
     You've no idea what I'm talking about when I mention "Talos"?
     ARE YOU MAD!!!  Surely - and allow me to sit down before asking this question for fear of your answering in the negative - surely you have watched that epic for the ages, "Jason And The Argonauts"?
     If not, go out and buy the DVD and watch it from beginning to end, NOW.
     If yes, then we can proceed.  Hercules, played by Nigel Green, and his mate, whose name I can't remember and who's not important anyway, come across a valley full of metal statues, one of whom is Talos, static atop his pedestal.  Art?

See?  Static

     Observe that door in the pedestal; it leads into a chamber chock full of treasure, which our two heroes decide to help themselves to.
     This is a spectacularly bad idea.  Because that statue is there to guard the treasure, and when the pair emerge with their ill-gotten loot, it comes alive.
     Slowly, creakingly, it's head turns to gaze on the thieves in one of the creepiest scenes in cinematic history.  Art?

Nightmare fuel

     You don't really get a sense of scale from these shots, so allow Art to illustrate -

No!  He's not small and close up -

      Ignoring the fact that he'd probably be made of bronze, not brass, there you have it.
     Sorry, what was I on about?
     Oh, cheek, that's right.  Yes, any old trick to pad out the word count.  For example - 

A Pome For Sylwia
It is sufficient to say that Sylwia is from Poland, and I'm going to excise her surname as it's unwise to give the kind of reader who hangs around here that level of detail.  She finished on Wednesday, so your humble scribe agitated his grey matter and threw together a bit of doggerel, which see:

Today, folks, we look back

At young Ms. Sylwia *********k.

Visitor from the exotic East,

Blonde of tress, the sexy beast!

Undaunted by our English idiom,

Our food and our weather tedium

A mistress of HR procedure

Nothing halts or discommodes her.

Precise in her enunciation

Ambassador for the Polish nation.

Sylwia, sorry I was such a yarker –

“How’s this beer pronounced?” “VARKA!”

“Poles were besieged at Tobruk – “

“Rob my dear, please shut up.”

She may have thought yet never said

For Sylwia is polite and so well-bred.

I’ve not seen her in a social sense

So, hopefully, she won’t take offence

When I say I’d like an answer –

To the query: is she a Pole dancer?

     I'm sure some of you wretches would love a photo of her, well put your tongues back in, I don't have one.  Ha!  That expression on your face!

A Pole prancer?

     Now, I put the work in on that one, even if it was scattered across Wednesday morning and afternoon, so I'm claiming that it's perfectly legitimate to post here.  I have a pome for Charlotte, too, except it would be pushing the limits of literary propriety to inflict two pomes in one blog post.  Perhaps tomorrow*.

A Heart-Wrenching Picture
I apologise to non-UK dwellers, because you don't live in the awesome Pond of Eden.
     Also, you may not be familiar with Bob Mortimer, who started out as a solicitor yet who skipped career tracks to become famous and familiar (here in the Pond anyway) as the foil to Vic Reeves.  Art?

Vic and Bob

     What did I find over on Twitter but some utterly pathetic shots of a hapless and joyless Bob, undergoing purgatory at a train exhibition.  I thought I'd get a screenshot - hello not working, try again - still no screenshot, hmmm, restart the browser - still no screenshot - PUNCH HOLE IN MONITOR AND DANCE ON IT'S MANGLED CORPSE, SHRIEKING IN HATRED.  Nope, still no screenshot.
     So, I got a photo of the Twitter photo.  Art?

Awwwww!

     Hopefully, through the synchrony bars, you can make out Bob's mournful face.
     Given a look like that, how can you resist taking this sad old man home, and putting a smile on his face with tea and biscuits?

The Mojo Returns
We'll see how robust it is tomorrow.  Conrad, you see, has been baking again.  He realised time would be tight on Thursday, as it was late shift night, so the Chocolate and Coffee Loaf was baked last night, being put in the oven just before Bake Off started.  Art?

     Gluten-free, yet it has risen and remained risen very satisfactorily; one frequently finds that a cake made with gluten-free flour tends to sink when it cools, especially in a wide tin.  Not so this one!
     You can also witness the packs of date and walnut that Wonder Wifey bought as a not at all subtle allusion that she wants a cake made with them.




*  Definitely tomorrow!