A Civilised Start To Sunday

In A Way
Per se.  Hooray.  Mandalay.
     Enough vapid rhyming!  What I mean is that Conrad starts his day in a leisurely manner, swilling tea, scoffing scrambled egg on toast and eating miniature raspberry cheesecakes -

Scrambled egg since scoffed

     Although his chosen reading matter is a lot less benign.  "1812" by the way, doesn't really hit as hard as it ought to, since reading about Napoleon's starving, freezing army whilst drinking tea and toast and sitting in the sunshine rather takes the sting out of it.  
     "Ah, and how can you work in a clever allusion to Kahn's seminal work, Conrad?" I hear you ask, a mocking tone in your voice*.
     The sunshine, of course, which comes from the Sun, which is a big ball of thermonuclear fusion on-the-go.
     So, there you are.  Civilised yet desperately not.

The Great British Bake Off
Sorry for not posting my thoughts on this earlier, as I know you expect me to keep to a schedule on posts, cruel taskmasters that you are.
     The Signature bake was Chocolate Bread, which Conrad would not have been good at, since he is not keen on chocolate normally and actively avoids chocolate cake.  Watching the bakers, I did wonder if Candice wasn't over-enriching hers.  There was also the issue of what makes a Babka a Caronne?  And Andrew gambling on doing a single prove; this proved to be the right decision because time on this one was tight.  Normally when making bread you let it rise once - "proving" - then knock all the air out, knead again and let it prove a second time.
     Well, they loved Rav's bread, and Andrew did very well but Candice ended up in tears.  Highly-strung, that gel.

A relieved Rav

     For the Technical they were given a recipe for "Dampfnudel", which nobody participating or watching has ever heard of.  They are essentially steamed buns, which is cheating as they aren't baked, and they hail from the Thirty Years War, which Conrad is well aware of yet won't bore you about.  A nasty test for the bakers, as with the Technical challenge you get a very pared-down recipe.
     Somewhat surprisingly, Val came first.  Well done old mad lady!

Val: I have a way with compliments, eh?

     Showstopper - had to be a plaited savoury bake using 3 flours.  Not, as your humble scribe heard it, "3 flowers".  Jane's was absolutely beautiful, Benjamina's scored very highly but others had problems.

Tom's "Hammer of the Gods"

     And the end result was that Tom got Star Baker, and Michael got sent home.  Bless Tom, he certainly didn't expect that.
     Now, about the Thirty Year's War ...

Conrad, making a point**

Queen Of All She Surveys
A while ago Wonder Wifey put Jenny's Cat Igloo up on top of the free-standing kitchen unit, which Conrad wondered about.  It transpires that he needn't have worried.  Art?

Queen at boudoir

     The unit now places her well beyond the reach of our Mobile Four-Legged Alarm System, a.k.a. Edna.  It also gives Jenny an elevated platform to gaze down at the Foolish Humans, and Conrad, which she seems to be happy about.  On a high, you might say**.

What Have We Here?
As you should surely know by now, Conrad likes Polish food.  He also likes Polish beer, to which we shout "VARKA!" because that's how it's pronounced.  Back to the food.  Yes!  What is this mysterious article?  Art?  The mysterious article, please:

Moja Bajka!  Yes indeed!

     Conrad has no idea what "Moja Bajka" means, and since Sylwia has departed the office, he has nobody to pester about it.  I can guess that "Delicje" is, on the balance of probability, "Delicious", because it would make very little sense to advertise your product as being "Toxic" or "Demonic"***.  "Szampanskie" is probably "Champagne", because that diphthong "Sz" is pronounced as "Sh".  The photograph seems to imply "Malinowe" is Polish for "Raspberry" and Conrad has his fingers crossed here that it's just that and neither "Chocolate" or "Pineapple".
     Having given you a short lesson in Polish, I now move on to say that these appear to be Polish Jaffa Cakes, which I will do justice to.

Very Bad Advice
You should always treat advice and suggestions on the internet with skepticism, unless you read it here on BOOJUM! in which case it's gospel and the 24 carat truth.  Here's an example I picked up on Facebook.  Art?  The very bad advice, please:

     Now, there might be long-term effects here if you followed this guidance.  Of course, once you passed out you'd start breathing again, but you might have fallen out of your chair.

I think we shall pause there as I need more tea.  Chin chin!

*  Be careful.  People have died for less.
**  Sorry.
*** Unless they are.