It's Dave Grohl - And His Murderous Mole!

It Might Be A Real Thing
It might be!  And no, I don't mean the kind of mole you have on your face.  I mean the little furry chap with big paws and bad eyesight, who lives on a diet of worms.
     Or blood, if you're a Murder Mole*.  
     I suppose you're going to quibble that Dave Grohl doesn't have a pet mole.
     Fine!  Be my guest and disprove his collection of Terminator Talpidae doesn't exist.

Ah, the things you find at the back of the kitchen cupboard

     In the meantime, Conrad will be getting on with the blog, if that's alright with you?
     Thank you so much.

The Doggerel Deadline
O the woe.  Conrad has been described - rather flatteringly in his opinion but heck take it where you can get it - as a "wordsmith".  For evidence please read yesterday's post and the "Pome For Alison", or indeed any post on BOOJUM! although sadly I don't have a copy of my 3-page handwritten letter to First Bus.
     Okay, in about 3 weeks Mo**, Rick and Roxy all leave Service Delivery, where they - ah - deliver service.  Mo and Rick go to People Support, where they - er - support people.  Roxy goes off to do project work in Food, where she - oh, you get the idea.
     "Fascinating," I can hear you saying.  
     I can also hear you saying "This is deadly dull.  Who wants to know about people moving around in the Enormous Anonymous Employer of Conrad's?"
     Excuse me!  A little less cheek, thank you.
     These transpositions of staff matter because Conrad has been nominated by default to knock up a goodbye pome for staff departing these shores.  So that's three to come up with all at once. Oh well, I suppose with great ability comes a lot of default job-nominating.

Forget poems, they're not very visual.  Have an industrial blender instead

Television: A Report
Once again Conrad was watching television whilst dog-sitting Edna; more about her and Jenny later.  Up came Dick and Dom, compering and book-ending a clip-show dedicated to "Takeshi's Castle".
     If you haven't seen this programme, imagine "It's A Knockout"***, but with more contestants and humiliation.  You've got to give the Japs kudos for being good sports about it when they end up deluged with slime, water or mud.  Some of the trials are ridiculously difficult, whilst some consist of pure chance, and there is always a high probability of falling into a giant muddy pond.

Sitting on a rocking dinosaur trying to spray a pink bat.
Of course.

The Adverts
These seemed to fall into two categories; loan companies and lawyers.  There was one with a lot of women being annoying by dancing merrily so I killed the sound and will never know what they were trying to flog^.  
     Lawyers.  I am minded at this point to repeat a quote from Barry Newman's character, Petrocelli, from the show "Petrocelli".  "If I wanted to make money I'd have scabs on my knees from chasing ambulances."  That line has stuck with me.  If only all lawyers were like Petrocelli, and lived in a caravan whilst building their own home.

That's a very Zen statement, don't you agree?

     Elementary:  Never heard of this before, but a little digging reveals it's a contemporary take on Sherlock Holmes, rather like an American version of "Sherlock", and seems well received.  I may watch in future, but I have about 20 films and two other tv series to watch before then.  I'll get back to you on this.

Lemon.  Close enough.

     Banshee: Again, never heard of it before.  Once again the oracle of the internet pronounces it to be an action-drama, focussing on an ex-convict taking on a false identity in the town of Banshee.  That's Banshee Pennsylvania, FYI.  

Bandsaw.  Close enough

     "Classic Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?": and here my bilious nature comes to the fore.  "Classic"?  CLASSIC?  Get out of here before I baton your shins with an empty wine bottle!  It's not remotely classic, it's just old.  Get that.  "Are You Being Served?" likewise is NOT a classic - it's just old.  Star Trek The Original Series and B & W Doctor Who^^ are classic, however.

Every second true.

Okay, ranting and tanting about telly over, you can come out from behind the sofa.

It's Like Looking After Kids - Kids In Fur Coats!
Yes indeed.  Any parents reading this will vouch for the validity of my statement - when you can't hear or see your children, when there is an uncanny silence, then something is wrong.  Every time.
     So it was with Edna.  Normally she sits in the lounge whilst I watch television and do my indexing, either sitting upon me or close by.  After a few minutes I noticed her absence and found her in the Upstair Lair trying to eat Onion Rings out of a pack I'd (unwisely) left on the floor.  Fortunately the pack was too narrow for her to force her head in, although if left any longer she'd have torn it open.

How cute! the little criminal

     Okay, back to "Police Interceptors" - one of Conrad's guilty pleasures - and after a longer delay I notice Edna returning from an absence, chewing a rawhide roll.
     She disappeared again, coming back with another rawhide roll, at which point I discovered that the pack of said rolls had fallen out of the wicker tower.
     'Bad Girl!' I chided, to a head-down, static-tailed dog who knew she'd done wrong.

     Then I had to put up with a squabble about who got to lie on Conrad the Comfy Cat/Canine Cushion.

The somewhat-gnawed evidence

Look At This!

     Fourth language in, that's Cyrillic, and is pronounced "Russkiy Sluzhba", and Stanimir at work confirmed this alphabet and language is one of the hardest to learn, given that it has more characters than the Roman alphabet, including ones that look the same but which are pronounced differently, and there are three tenses.
     Oh and there's something there about a Cup Final.  Whatever that is.


* This is, of course, assuming that such things exist, which they might, because they'd be so deadly that no-one would survive an encounter to bear witness.
** Happy Mo, not K-Mo.
*** I'm not going to explain this - go and Google it!
^ Ha!
^^ The most influential documentary series ever, even if it does resort to re-enactment.