Personally, Conrad likes to make the most of what time he has left here on Planet Earth, and rather avoids statements like the above.
However, at times like this, which we dub "Promoting Blog Traffic", why! - one has to put forth a little, and attempt to either terrify or traduce the viewers into maximising the traffic.
More of that later - in the meantime we have a Motley to run -
Edna The Dog Boa
I think this post might require a little background - I am typing from what I know, which is about 40 years ago.
Behold the Boa!
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| NO! Get it right, Art Department, or I swear - |
The boa:
| The FEATHER boa. Thank you |
That's better. Okay - the sheer hilarity of this post had better render you spifflicated with humour - Conrad as of last night was dogsitting Edna, who does not like her human compatriots to venture far afield.
Conrad made an effort to become an horizontal surface that she could deploy in, much akin to a boa:
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| Who has the better whiskers? Only you can decide! |
The Most Fascinating And Thoroughly Fixating Index
The 51st Highland Division mention; If you recall, Conrad is currently bashing his un-subtle way across this volume of memoirs, so he can eventually offer a set of works to Naval & Military Press, who will still probably say "Thanks -get out of here!"
That above is page 7 of the "Places" index, after the "Unit" and "Officer" Indexes.
I now begin to understand various author comments across the years, where they pay other people to compile an index for them, referring to the specific work they are undertaking. Indexing is slow, slow work; I've got 7 pages of Unit references, 4 pages of Officers and look set for at least 20 for "Places".
Via Chemical, I Do Not Smelli-ical
I took this photo as a passing whim - any source as material for the blog, right? - and sat back to consider. Just look at the list of ingredients:
"Sodium Chloride (alka Salt); Citric Acid (aka lemon juice);Salicylic Acid (aka precursor to aspirin); Glycerin (aka liquid sugar); Sodium Hydroxide (bleach):
I now begin to understand various author comments across the years, where they pay other people to compile an index for them, referring to the specific work they are undertaking. Indexing is slow, slow work; I've got 7 pages of Unit references, 4 pages of Officers and look set for at least 20 for "Places".
Via Chemical, I Do Not Smelli-ical
I took this photo as a passing whim - any source as material for the blog, right? - and sat back to consider. Just look at the list of ingredients:
"Sodium Chloride (alka Salt); Citric Acid (aka lemon juice);Salicylic Acid (aka precursor to aspirin); Glycerin (aka liquid sugar); Sodium Hydroxide (bleach):
I could bait the wait and not tell you what this is, except I'm not that horrid.
What you see above is in Handwash. Which is a short and punchy list compared to the one on the Shaving Gel tin next to it!
Shakeshaft/Dickensian
Allow me to annoy two tranches of literature with a single post today. As you may already be familiar with, gentle reader, Conrad hates him some Shakespeare. Oh boy yes. The Card of Avon can go get stuffed big-time as far as your humble scribe is concerned, and then some, with a side order of derision ladled upon scorn, to boot.
Anyway - that wasn't Shakespearean prose itself, was it? - anyway, let us proceed:
I know this isn't Shakespeare. In fact it is Dickens, whom I have read for enjoyment on many an occasion*, yet here I have to say -
Chas!
Get it right!
Make up your mind one way or the other!
Clumsiness
This post came about when Conrad, large and ungainly, managed to avoid stepping on the cat (Jenny take a bow) and the dog (Edna Wunderhund 4 Legged Alarm System kindly acknowledge yourself with a howl). "Phew" I thought. "How lucky to escape unfortunate consequences of being unlucky"!
What am I talking about? Well, consider this: Conrad, with entirely no superpowers whatsoever, can bring a startled alarm across the whole of his floor at the office when he sneezes. If he were Clark Kent we'd be talking about 150 cases of burst eardrums and £3 million in shattered windows.
Then consider the slightly-raised-socket-cover. This has caused several people to trip as they pass over it. Were a Clumsy Clark Kent to manage same -
What you see above is in Handwash. Which is a short and punchy list compared to the one on the Shaving Gel tin next to it!
Shakeshaft/Dickensian
Allow me to annoy two tranches of literature with a single post today. As you may already be familiar with, gentle reader, Conrad hates him some Shakespeare. Oh boy yes. The Card of Avon can go get stuffed big-time as far as your humble scribe is concerned, and then some, with a side order of derision ladled upon scorn, to boot.
Anyway - that wasn't Shakespearean prose itself, was it? - anyway, let us proceed:
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times -
I know this isn't Shakespeare. In fact it is Dickens, whom I have read for enjoyment on many an occasion*, yet here I have to say -
Chas!
Get it right!
Make up your mind one way or the other!
Clumsiness
This post came about when Conrad, large and ungainly, managed to avoid stepping on the cat (Jenny take a bow) and the dog (Edna Wunderhund 4 Legged Alarm System kindly acknowledge yourself with a howl). "Phew" I thought. "How lucky to escape unfortunate consequences of being unlucky"!
What am I talking about? Well, consider this: Conrad, with entirely no superpowers whatsoever, can bring a startled alarm across the whole of his floor at the office when he sneezes. If he were Clark Kent we'd be talking about 150 cases of burst eardrums and £3 million in shattered windows.
Then consider the slightly-raised-socket-cover. This has caused several people to trip as they pass over it. Were a Clumsy Clark Kent to manage same -
 |
| ACHOOOO! |
* Got you there. Didn't expect that, did you?
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