Apologies for mangling the grammar a bit, except it won't rhyme otherwise. I, Conrad, the Noble, shall be remaining behind tonight as Other Parties from the Mansion venture forth in order to enjoy various party endeavours - Werneth Cricket Club the venue I believe.
Since we have Edna Wunderhund still on the premises, somebody has to look after her.
Who could that possibly be?
Me.
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| Me. All sweetness, light and giggles. |
Speaking Of Which ...
One of the delights of Edna is playing the "Is it Mine?" game. This is where she holds a ball or toy in her mouth, glides up to you, daring you to try and pinch it off her - and then darts away before you can lay hands on the thing.
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| Well, is it mine? |
More Twits At Twitter
I am sure - positive, even - that there is a floor full of people at Twitter who, in between cruising the internet, eating biscuits and drinking tea, have to come up with reasons why they ought to still be in a job.
I can think of no other way why I would get this sent to me on spec:
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| "Humble Bunde" it says. If you were that humble you wouldn't be pestering me, matey! |
Allow Me
I have found, through hands-on experience, that guzzling down a litre tub of ice cream in one go is not conducive to a quiet and well-tempered stomach. This is why I eat much smaller portions of ice cream for breakfast.
I have also discovered, although not of late, that scoffing a whole fresh coconut is also liable to produce Exotic Stomach Tremors.
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| No! Not abstract sculpture - the remains of a coconut |
As you might have discovered earlier today, Conrad has uploaded himself a few CDs he bought on Saturday.
Only after doing the uploading to i-tunes did I realise that Bonobo & Co. were the 700th CD to be uploaded. Thank the lord aloft for i-tunes and the i-pod, because otherwise I would need two wheelbarrows* to carry around the number of CDs I have.
Then there's the Military History books. We are now up to 610 of them, and I need to find another resting place as the overhead cupboard is now full to capacity**.
Shakeshaft
Oh boy, I really relish the opportunity to bash the Barb of Avon. I had to study his hideous cringe-worthy prose, and that was quite beside the poems. If I'd had to study them then the nervous breakdown would have happened ten years early.
Anyway! Let us proceed -
"Get thee to a nunnery!
Enough of your mummery.
You're all damn'd flummery -
Dog Buns! is my summary."
I know it's not deathless prose, which is exactly the point.
The Art Of The Index
I realise mentioning this might drive readers away, those that can stay awake that is.
Behold!
I know it doesn't seem like much, but you're looking at Conrad working his way through 1/3 of the Official History, with seven pages of notes. I calculate I'll end up with about 20 pages. This section, I ought to elaborate, is all the place names mentioned - cities, towns, villages, trenches, fortified sites, rivers, ridges, etc.
After this I shall do a list of battles the 51st was involved in, which will be a much shorter list. Then it shall be technical matters - the weapons, terrain, tactics, that sort of stuff.
As possibly already mentioned, I think the original publication had an index, which Naval & Military have omitted for reasons of cost. I could generously offer them Conrad's Index, although Conrad suspects the reply will be a very loud "NO!"
* The wheelbarrow. An artefact unknown in 18th Century Russia.
** Anyone suggesting ANY solution harking of disposal of said books will DIE IN HIDEOUS UN-NATURAL TORMENT. That is all.
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