WERE-HADDOCK FROM WILTSHIRE!

Yes, Dear Foreign Reader
There really is an English county called "Wiltshire", ho ho, make of that what you will.
     Also, it's landlocked, so the only haddock are the ones you find in supermarkets.  And I made up the "Were-haddock" from whole cloth, I doubt any such thing exists, but we needed a bit of alliteration to go with Wiltshire.

Okay, okay, I was wrong.  Actually - could it be a were-trout?

Competition From The Cat
Allow me to present the usual Sunday morning panorama at the Mansion's kitchen table as Conrad settles down with his notebook, one work of fiction and one work of non-fiction:

Note cat's tail in lower left

     Of course Jenny imagines this is an invitation to sit where she's not wanted, a process she manages with feline precision:

     Unerring.
     Then her next ploy is to get between me and the book and try to impress me.

A bit of an awkward shot but it gets the point across

     "BEHOLD MY BUM!" she purrs.  "ADMIRE MY ASS OF AWESOME!"  Also "PUNY HUMAN ALLOW ME TO RUB FUR IN YOUR FACE!"  
     Remind me again: cats - why?

Serendipity
Whilst poking down the back of the computer, I found this:

Voila, there it was.

     A box of computer strategy games.  When did I get these?  No idea.  How long have they been down the back of the computer? No idea on that one either.

Facebook - What On Earth?
Every so often Facebook offers up a "Suggested Post" in the main body of messages.  One that cropped up for a while was for portable sawmills.  Not simply sawmills, no, that would be far too restrictive, these were portable sawmills, sawmills that you can pack up and take with you to where the forests are.
     Now what do we have?  "Cavity Wall Insulation".
     When have I ever expressed an interest in pumping foam into brickwork?  The only foam that Conrad likes floats on top of a pint of beer.
     And another!  This one is a stupid quiz that attempts to get you to click on it by cunningly changing the title's nationality to whichever country you're from.
     Did I say "cunningly"?  That should be spelled "grammatically illiterate morons" as the repellent item states "How Smart Are British".  Well, I have a King Edward potato here that's smarter than you are, chump.

Cavity wall insulation and potatoes are dull.
Here's a photo of the Tacoma Narrows Bridge self-destructing instead.

Confusing English - "The Game's Afoot"
A phrase used by Sherlock Holmes* to inform Doctor Watson that shenanigans** were about to occur.  Conrad, having that sort of mind that asks questions where there are no answers, wonders how many times this phrase got used before it settled into convention.
SHERLOCK HOLMES: I say, Watson, the game's afoot!
DR WATSON: Eh?  "The game is a foot"?  Are we playing Charades?
SHERLOCK HOLMES: No!  I mean that the game is afoot.
DR WATSON: Oh, I get it!  The answer is "Legend"!  Very clever, old chap.
SHERLOCK HOLMES (In confused voice):  Legend?  What do you mean!
DR WATSON:  The end of your leg - it's a foot.
SHERLOCK HOLMES: NO! I meant that The-Game-Is-Afoot.
DR WATSON (Also confused): Sorry, do you mean Association Football? I support West Ham.
SHERLOCK HOLMES: NO! NO I DO NOT MEAN FOOTBALL!
DR WATSON: Rugby?
SHERLOCK HOLMES: NO! NO NO NO! Oh for Heaven's sake (sighs deeply)  shall we go out?

The frame's a foot.  Close enough

O Noes!
What if Paddington were found, not at the station that gives him the name we all know and love, but at Burnt Oaks?

"The train now boarding at Bur - OH MY GOD!"

More Of Our Musical Critique
Yes, back for Round Two with The Verve's "Bittersweet Symphony".  

                         No change, I can change
                         I can change, I can change

Yes Richard I get the sense of "change", no need to bang on so

                             But I'm here in my mold
                               I am here in my mold

Have you recourse to a dictionary, perhaps, Richard?  Because it's "mould"

                      But I'm a million different people 
                           from one day to the next

Richard, this is patently untrue!  That, or you have the world's worst case of Multiple Personality Disorder

                               I can't change my mold

Make your mind up!  Can you or can't you change?

                                   No, no, no, no, no

You just said you could!  Dog buns, at least be consistent across a single chorus!

Conrad: Slow

It's been a month but I finally put up my Marvel Montage poster.

What?  You were expecting One Direction or Lilly Allen?

* Remember, folks, he's not real.  Or - as real as The Skreeming Voles
** "Things" - translation courtesy Mister Hand