All Is Well

For Tonight, At Least
There is beer within reach, Groovy Shark is playing, the cat is on the (dog) mat, the shopping's been done and yesterday was payday, so Conrad can pretend he has money to his name.

Conrad, ecstatic as only he can be

     Tomorrow the plan is to get a haircut, as the thatch is looking rather unkempt, then to progress into Manchester - the city of Sin! - and to Fopp and Bookbuyers and the Oxfam shop.  Back home via Royton, probably by mid-afternoon, thence to drink pints of tea.
     Yes, I know this isn't exactly news, but - you have to decoy those damn hamsters somehow!

"Mortdecai"
I saw a trailer for this on television* with Wonder Wifey and Degsy, and our responses all included a reference to - Mister Bean.
     A moment's silent appreciation of the comedic giant Rowan Atkinson and his creation.

     Okay, back to Mordecai.  Seemingly slapstick.  Conrad not impressed.  It will have to win a bagful of Oscars, make $250 million and cure cancer before it impresses me.

A serious contender when compared to Mortdecai

"Astinomia"
By analogy, Conrad's brain resembles a sea of flotsam and jetsam, and every so often a ripple upon these allegorical waters throws up an item onto the beach of consciousness**, whereupon Conrad suddenly thinks "Oh!  Where did that come from?"
     Same with this word.  What is it?  A brand of car?  A dislike of that actor? A kind of poppyseed biscuit from Morocco?
    None of the above.  It is the Greek for "Police".  Now, I know what you're thinking, but if it was called a "screwtwister" then it would lack a certain dynamism - What's that?  Oh sorry, you were wondering and expecting an hilarious pun about "Greece Police" because it rhymes -
     NO!  The Greek for Greek Police is "Elleniki Astinomia".  Now go away and be good.

"Stasi!  Astinomia!" - no, hang on -

 Back To "V"
Well, as usual there are issues of vocabulary and veracity with old Tom.  First up, he has one character grooming an array of "Scungille" in an aquarium.
     What?  Never heard of them before.  If they actually exist - and a search of the Interwebz shows that they do - they are very large marine snails.
     Okay, then we have mention of "The Golden Bough" by Sir James Frazer, which is, frankly, rather too large in content and effect to be summed up here, and since it also deals with religion, is rather off the table for BOOJUM!
     But it does go to show that - oh, what's this?  "The White Goddess", a book about myth and religion, written by our old BOOJUM! chum Robert Graves, who has had several mentions on the blog as of late last year.
     Damn.  Pursued by coincidences again.  Phil?  Any suggestions?

"Can you get me any of what Tom's been, ah, "ingesting"?  Purely out of scientific interest, of course!"

From Poetry To Parapluie
It struck Conrad, gazing north out of the windows of the Electric Goldfish Bowl, that - it looked vile out there.
     Hills.  There are poetic hills, as in Robert Heinlein's "The Green Hills Of Earth", where the hills are - er - green.  And earthy.
     Then you have the dramatic hills, like the Black Hills of Dakota.  They sound like the perfect place for Goths and Emos to have a party, eh?
     Then you have Rochdale, and the soggy septic scenery scoured by the ceaseless sweep of storms and rain, less Black Hills than Monochrome Hills.
     Oh - "Parapluie"?  French for "Umbrella".

A horizon of drabest grey

Tonight We Continue To Traduce And Torment!
I don't know about you but these make Conrad fall off his stool with laughter.  Yes, it's time to spoof Star Trek: The Next Generation once again.  On with the motley!

Dub Rosa (Sub Rosa)

Musks (Masks)

Thine Own Shelf (Thine Own Self)

Lower Ducks (Lower Decks)

Data's Dad (Data's Day)

Parabells (Paralells)

Sub Rosy (Sub Rosa)

Data's Gay (Data's Day)

Ah, me, classics every one!***

Gerry Anderson Ergonomics: Fireflash
You might need a little memory-jogging for this one.  It featured in the very first episode of "Thunderbirds" ever made, and was a hypersonic jet liner that could travel at 4,500 m.p.h. at a cruising height of 250 thousand feet.  It's maiden flight would take it from London to Tokyo, a distance of 6,000 miles, in 90 minutes.  In other words, quicker than the 24 bus on it's 12 miles journey from the Mansion to Manchester city centre.

An Air Traffic Controller comments: "Thank God it's out of here!"

     Ah, but that's only half the story.  Fireflash has to be the most dangerous travel vehicle ever invented, even including Aeroflot jets back in the Nineties.
     Why so?  Well, it was powered by atomic motors that could keep it aloft for six months if need be, and here the key word is "atomic".  After more than 3 hours aloft the passengers would have absorbed a fatal dose of radiation.
     Excuse me?  Clearly in the future the Health and Safety executive either no longer exists, has been massively bribed or takes a very relaxed view of nuclear safety.
     There's no point in a jetliner that can cruise aloft for six months if that means each passenger on such an epic flight would have taken 1,456 fatal doses of radiation!
     That's quite apart from the risk of a crash.  Imagine, if you will, that the Fireflash pilots have the same casual attitude to alcohol and flying as Scott and Virgil Tracy.  A drunk flight crew in charge of multiple fission reactors contained in a missile travelling at 4,500 miles per hour.  What can go wrong!

"Look, hun!  Fireflash just hit the runway!"

Oh Noes!
What if Paddington, our beloved bear, had not been found in the train station that gave him his name?  What if he had been found in an Indian railway station?  For example:
     "Ib".  Catchy and easy to remember, yes, but lacking any character at all.
     "Clutterbuck Ganj".  Silly and it also sounds like drugs.  Not suitable!
     "Venkatanarasimharajuvaripeta": Just no.  No.

It exists!

* Purely by accident, I assure you!
** Sorry about all the metaphors, I came over all - sorry, I came o'er all poetic.
*** Your mileage may vary