SLAYER SARDINES FROM - er - SAUSALITO!

Metaphorical Sardines.
And not from Sausalito either.  Well, it sounded impressive and is almost "Sausage", which is rather strange when you think of it.
     One of the blog's readers* today asked me to do a post dealing with public transport issues, which in other, more logical, sensible and impartial hands would be - boring.  
     We don't do "boring" here at BOOJUM!** yet public transport issues do concern us - Conrad's long battle with the Greek god of transport, Hermes, has moved from car to bus - and we'll see what and who we can slather in venom tonight.

A 200 ton cantilever crane.
Don't complain; at least it's not herring.

First Bus First
Let's get our sharpened bamboo skewer out first for First Bus, as the 24 came several minutes early today, whilst Conrad was still on the other side of the road.
     Passengers were then treated to the amusing sight of an elderly man galloping madly to catch the bus.  Fortunately, Pensioner Lady was there already, and it always takes her ages to explain the profoundly complex "A £3.10 ticket" to the driver.
     Just as the doors closed, a gentleman - and a true gentleman at that - tapped on the doors and handed me my copy of "Beyond The Beachead", saying that I'd dropped it.
     When I sat down I discovered that "Lone Survivor" and my diary had also vanished.

The rucksack, pouting.

      The book had only cost 50p, so no great loss, and my diary was less than 2 weeks old, so it could have been worse.
     Oh, the early 24?  The driver obviously had a domestic emergency to attend to, as he didn't pause at all on the way in and we were early.  And we passengers already aboard got treated to the amusing sight of people desperately running to catch the bus.
     I refer you to my recent posts about George Orwell and trains in the Spanish Civil War.

Well Well Well, Almost A Theme
It is rare for The Metro to have front page news that is, indeed, news, as this papier mache resource usually likes to print stuff about single-name celebrities Conrad has never heard of, doesn't like the look of and wishes were away on Mars.
     However, behold today's cover:

And they're still lying about "Four pages of showbiz"

     This service is operated by Southern trains, who must surely be operating on the First Bus business model - "Late, Slow, Unreliable, Overcrowded Or Broken!"
     Both Louise (the requester of this article) and Manisha (designed small, the better to fit into crowded carriages) told me of their horrid journey to work, where the trains would be better be called "strains".

Northern Rail: an artist's impression of the 7:45 carriage

     Both ladies described the hideous claustrophobic atmosphere akin to a scene from Breughel or Bosch, where the souls are packed in layers together so tightly that they don't have room to turn - oh, no, wait, that's a description of Hell.  

 - and also Star Trek in "The Mark Of Gideon"

     The root of the problem is insufficient carriages.  Bear with me whilst I steer you through the staggeringly complex mathematical calculations that underlie this troublesome reality.
     Okay, there need to be two different services running a train, each train to have four carriages.  I know, I know, it's difficult but hang in there.
     The rail companies decide to only purchase three carriages.  Still with me?
      So, when the service actually runs, what do the companies do?
     Well, obviously, one service loans it's third train to the other service, who now has - wait for it! - four carriages.  So, the problem is solved and everyone -
     Ah, no, I'm sure you've seen the flaw here.  That leaves the other service with only two carriages.
     The train services declare the problem solved and everyone has to pay £4,000 for a season ticket.  Northern Rail has a party and invites their First Bus consultant chums along.

First Bus spokesperson refuses to comment

Coincidence!
Here's another I didn't have time to post yesterday.  "Lone Survivor" is a book written by Marcus Luttrell and Patrick Robinson, whom Conrad suspects to be a ghostwriter being honest.
     Or is he?  At one point the text describes the frankly terrifying BLU 82 bomb, a monster that weighed nearly seven tons.  It was so big it had to be dropped out of the back of a plane as no rack or fitting made would hold it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_upy14pesi4

There's the link if you like to see Things Exploding, which of course Conrad does, having all the enthusiasm of a small child for Things Exploding.
     Given his enthusiasm, Conrad checked out the Wikipedia entry for the BLU 82.
     The language is exactly the same as in Lone Survivor.
     What an amazing coincidence***!

Conrad - He's So Trendy
 - but not "down wiv da kidz" as I hate the feral little reptiles.
     What makes me more hip than a convention of osteopathic surgeons?  More trendy than Wendy?  Hot to trot on the spot a lot?  More^

Me being trendy.  Or bendy.  Or bandy.

     Grooveshark, actually, which recommended that I check out "E.D.M.", "Glitch" and "Electro House".  These are music genres, okay, which I bet you didn't realise existed as I certainly didn't and I read "Q".


Rejected Doctor Who Serial Titles
Well, nobody's complained in the Comments yet so the torture entertainment can continue!  Let the puns begin:

The Age of Steal

The Idiom's Lantern

The Satan Nit

Fear Herb

Barmy of Ghosts

The Runaway Brine

Planet of the Odd

Planet of the Dad

As you might recognise, these are Tenth Doctor titles.

Bug, Nit, who's going to argue the difference?

* Frighteningly more common than you ever imagined.
** Conrad's hobbies are not boring.  Not NOT NOT!
*** Someone is copying someone ...
^ Stop it <ordered Mister Hand, wielding his bamboo skewer>