Repeat Custom

Hola!
Sorry, the reason for this will become clear below.
     There I was, sauntering across the Co-Op car park in Royton, when a random name popped into my head.
     I'd gone down to see what I could pick up cheaply, which happened to include a Stilton cheese. One way that Conrad likes to eat this is grilled on a bagel, BUT! it is, frankly, a rather smelly operation that will cause him to be castigated to the high heavens for making the Mansion smell like sick*.
     There's no grilling facilities at work and I'd rather eat it toasted on a bagel than in cold slices.  What's a man** to do?

Close enough

"Accion Mutante"
This is a Spanish film from the early Nineties, which Conrad has seen in a <cough cough> less than legal version.  His Film Conscience, however, dictates that any <harrumph> less than legal version seen and enjoyed has to be bought subsequently.
     It is one of those cinematic things that are rather difficult to pull off - No!  Not a tight tee-shirt.  A science-fiction comedy.  It can be done successfully - vide "Galaxy Quest" for a defining example - but it takes deftness of touch.

Wild and grossed-out, yes - not seen much in the way of water vapour at 100 Degrees plus

     "Accion Mutante***" is both funny and cruel, but it does make a certain satirical point about the beautiful people and how society aspires to be them.  The Mutant Action group are waging their War of the Ugly against a vapid society; given Conrad's less-than-handsome looks he is right behind them, gentle reader.

Turn your mirrors away NOW!

Emil Zatopek
This, dear audience, is the thought that popped into the desert wastelands of Conrad's mind in the car park.
     Why? is what immediately comes to mind.  Conrad last recalls reading about this character a good forty years ago.  Conrad is not sporty or sporting, does not read about sport and in fact prefers a good port to any kind of sport.
     Well, Emil was a Czechoslovakian back when that country still existed.  He was an officer in the Czech army and a long-distance runner.  Herein the link if you want to know more:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emil_Z%C3%A1topek
     The Galloping Major was another nickname for him, I believe.
     But why in the car park?

The scene of the crime

Delicious - But Poisonous
This is the Sherba stew concocted by Conrad on Friday:

     It apparently shares those estimable qualities "delicious" and "poisonous" with the Amanita Phalloides mushroom.  Wonder Wifey and Degsy both suffered stomach trouble eating it^, so obviously - obviously! - Conrad now has to eat the lot.
     What a burden.

Ironing: The Eternal Dilemma
Although there is a relaxed dress code at work - wearing a potato sack or a mankini would probably breach it - Conrad likes to keep up appearances by wearing shirts, which means ironing the wretched clothing as apparently we can send a probe to land on a comet but cannot come up with clothes that don't need ironing -
      - where was I?  Oh yes, ironing.  
     The choices are - 1) iron the shirts and only iron, no distractions of any sort.
                               2) Iron whilst watching a film.  Slower.
     What do you think Conrad chose?

Can you spot the camouflaged cat?

     Bit of a no-brainer.  I did iron 4 shirts, taking <hhhrmmph> 40 minutes to do so.
     But Hey!  They were entertained minutes!

Finally
Because you have to be educated in these things, please meet a Cheese Volcano:

What can I say?

     I just Googled at random for the phrase "Cheese Volcano"^^ and this picture came up.



* Wonder Wifey's sense of smell is about 95% better than Conrad's, so he has to take her word for this.
** In this case "man" is a bit of a stretchy definition.
*** Mutant Action, in Spanish.  Hence "Hola".  Spanish for "Hello".
^ Although strangely enough not Conrad, not even after eating the slimey date-expired ham from the fridge that was about 2 weeks past it's sell-by date.
^^ Like you do, right?