Forget Stingray! Well, no, don't ignore Stingray as it marks a period of significant transition and progress in the work of Gerry Anderson - I mean a genuine mobile phone. You know, the Devil's Electronic Matchbox.
As you, gentle reader, are no doubt aware, Conrad is innately suspicious of anything new and different that comes into his life. Doubly if not trebly so if this novel entity is anything electronic*.
So, it was with a sense of trepidation that Conrad set forth on the official work's Christmas meal on Friday just gone, armed with his new mobile phone.
Want to know more? Of course you do!
| Close enough |
The Night As Recorded By Conrad
Firstly, I'm not going to post the photo I have of Manisha, because it makes her look bad. Manisha is my friend and if I want to hold out any chance of getting Indian food cooked especially for me, then the photo has to suffer.
Okay, let us begin in "The Alchemist", a bar where the gimmick is having bottles and containers and mixers that come from a scientific glassware supplies centre. Probably that one over at Salmon Fields in Royton.
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| "How does this damned thing work?" |
The flash was not set to go off automatically, viz:
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| Glass-fronted coal cellar, apparently |
However, colleague Rick to the rescue. He twiddled and diddled and Hay Pesto!
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| His well-earned pictorial reward |
Although Conrad made the mistake of assigning credit to Dan, which provoked a worryingly intense response from Rick**.
Having quaffed a pint or two, our mob then made it's way along New York Street to the Grill On New York Street***.
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| A shot down the table. Visible on the left: Rebecca Mk. II, Tom, Sophie, Ktis and Dan. Visible on the right, Rebecca Mk. I and Matt. |
As you can see, Conrad's phone photography skills were increasing over time. Plus Manisha helped some.
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| I asked for "Sexy". I got it! |
These ladies are Roxy (foreground) being foxy, and Lauren, who had left the business several weeks before but desperately wanted one last chance to pick a fight with and be sick over her ex-colleagues. Visible also are the checked shirt and carefully-coiffed head of Dave, our resident Yorkshireman.
And we also have Cathryn, whose birthday it was. She got a carefully enscribed plate and a baby cake with candle.
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| She was so grateful at her plateful. |
I understand it's traditional to post photos of what food you had but Conrad, gannet that he is, scoffed his immediately and rapidly and thus all we have as evidence is this:
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| - which lasted mere minutes |
There is more. This is the "Consolations of Philosophy" bit. Conrad, digesting his food, leaned back and wondered at the people dining at our table. Being the oldest there^, I did ruminate on how the mobile phone has affected our behaviour, and communications, and our communicative behaviour. Get a group of people together, especially young people, and most of their time is spent looking at their lap, as they tap away on their mobile phones. More taps than a bathroom showroom. Direct face-to-face contact is at a premium, I fear. How will our younger generations manage to interact meaningfully and establish relationships and bring forth the next generation^^?
Facebook And It's Bizarre Suggested Posts
Not only has the "Log Counting Software" post come back, but a couple of others have appeared that mystify your humble scribe.
First off we have "Injury Claims UK", who appear to be an ambulance-chasing outfit determined to appeal to the lowest common denominator - Greed.
"Has the police misused their powers against you?" they enquire. Listen, pal, get your grammar straight before trying to con people. It's "Have", not "Has". Your reputation is immediately suspect, matey.
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| Look at them, the dastards - misusing their powers. |
Oh - here an aside. Back in the Seventies one of the early evening programmes that Conrad watched was "Petrocelli", about an American lawyer who had a conscience and morals. Yes, a man so unique they made a series about him. Anyway, he riposted to his wife about why he took pro bono or hopeless cases: "If I wanted to make money I'd have scabs on my knees from chasing ambulances!".
Next bizarre suggested post is "A Bug Free Mind" and again we have some grammatical problems here. If your mind is free from bugs then it's "A Bug^^^-Free Mind". Respect the mighty hyphen!
| They've escaped! They're free! The Bugs - oh you get the point. |
Star Trek - Rejected Episode Titles
Oh boy, a new field to spoof and spiff! I've not had any adverse comments from the trial run earlier this afternoon. This may change - a lot of the blog's readers are from South Canada America, and they can be quite vocal at upstart Englishmen who parody their national insitutions.
Let the Motley commence!
The Man Trip
Charlie Y?
Where No Moan Has Gone Before
The Cor Bumite Maneuever
The Galileo Steven
A Taste Of Arm
The Deadly Ears
Spock's Bran
Day Of The Dover
And, I can promise you, that is only the beginning. There's still The Next Generation, Voyager, that other one and the Animated series.
Irony
Ah yes. Witness:
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| "Mine!" |
Cat in the dog's bed. She was prepared to fight for it, too, the little madam.
Conrad's First Attempt
I suddenly fancied a grilled cheese sandwich and thus made two. Because I eat rapidly there was only one left - actually slightly less than one - by the time I thought to take a picture:
These things are so unhealthy - white bread browned in butter with a Red Leicester filling. But they are delicious.
*Apart from electronic digital scales. I have welcomed these into my heart. Well, my atomic-powered central pumping unit anyway.
** You have to take him seriously, he's from Bury.
*** See what they did there?
^ Oldest yet still got it. Elderly Chinese women chat me up at bus-stops you know!
^^ Don't worry, there's an app for that.
^^^ Conrad's mind is 99%~ bugs so he is NOT interested.
~ Okay, 100%
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