Early Begun -

Sooner Done
Except that would imply that creating BOOJUM! is a chore, which it's not.  What it means to you, the reader, is quite another question.  However, since there have been no Comments for at least six months, Conrad can assume everyone reading this loves loves loves it, even if the Rejected Doctor Who Serial Titles might be grating a little.
     Oh, and about them - actually there's an awful lot more than I realised because after I've done with <ahem> "Classic Who" there's another TEN YEARS worth to spoof.
     You don't like them?  Tough.  Whose blog is it?  

Briefly, domestic harmony prevailed

"Mortdecai"
     <actually excuse me whilst I go get another cup of Darjeeling>
     Okay, refuelled.  
     Another bus-poster film review, once again the reflexive, impetuous and egregiously biased BOOJUM! house style.
     "Get groomed and dangerous!" says the tagline, with a well-groomed Johnny Depp as the (I suppose) titular lead.
     I'm sorry?  I take it that this is "Mortdecai"?  Notice the alternative spelling - "Mort" being French for "Death".  Normally it's spelt "Mordechai".  And - "groomed"?  What is he, a a hairdresser?
     Go on!  A killer hairdresser from Hell - it's a remake of "Sweeney Todd", isn't it!

Here's Mortdecai, groomed and - no, hang on a minute -

"Four Feather Falls"
I doubt any of you whippersnappers, old or young, have ever seen this television series as it wasn't repeated after being shown some fifty years ago.  One of Gerry Anderson's early puppet series, where the character's mouths moved when they spoke, so the viewers could tell who was speaking.
     Including Tex Tucker's horse and dog.  Tex had four magic feathers, you see.  He was the sheriff of the incredibly coincidentally named Four Feather Falls - one suspects a bit of overly directive scripting here - and he had four magic feathers.  Two of them allowed his twin revolvers to fire without being touched, and the other two allowed his dog and horse to speak.
     No I have not been drinking!  It's all perfectly true.  I don't remember seeing it on television but I do vaguely recall a comic strip of the same name in TV Comic.

Proof!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqLyY4zQOjk
    Look, there you go, a link to Youtube as proof.
    Magic Guns - The Downside
    There is the distinct possibility of disaster hanging over guns that rotate and shoot upon their owner's mental command.  Were Tex to ever attend a game of soccer* and shout encouragement to his team's striker in front of the opposition's goal, that is "Shoot!  Shoot!", a whole lot of spectators would have a bad day.  Then there's his expression of Family Safe Exclamation when he steps in a pile of horse manure left in the middle of the road "Well shoot!  Oops!  Sorry!"  Nor would shopping be safe, either, as Tex struggles with the Fruit and Vegetable section and resorts to asking an assistant "Where are the bamboo-shoots? Oops!  Is there a doctor in the store?"  Discussion of films in the Tucker household would be banned, as there is too large a vocabulary associated with "Shoot".  Television would be problematic, also.  "Hey, great!  I  love Vic and Bob and "Shooting Stars"!  Oops!  Hang on, honey, let me get a towel and a plaster for that -"

We can only be thankful Tex doesn't live here.

This Could Get Me Into Trouble
Yes indeed!  Say hello to a Stilton cheese remaindered about a week ago.  Now, Conrad loves this stuff toasted on a bagel, BUT! thanks to Wonder Wifey's super-sensitive nose, I cannot do this whilst she's in the house.

 

Sealed in a tub in the Upstairs Lair

      So I waited until she'd gone out shopping and then - had it grilled on bagels.
     Oddly enough, once I opened it, both Jenny and Edna were milling about my feet.

A.B.D.A
Er - yes, the mental fruit of another late-night sojourn to the toilet.
     I could torment you by spinning out the explanation of this acronym - but I shan't.  It stands for "American, British, Dutch Australian" and was a command in the Far East in early 1942.  It had a brief, troubled life as the forces involved were scattered, used different equipment, had not trained together and two of them spoke non-English languages**. 

Close enough

 Their naval forces were destroyed in the Battle of the Java Sea and the command then split up.  However, Australians on the island of Timor refused to stop fighting and, with Dutch soldiers and Portuguese help, kept 12,000 Japanese soldiers on the hop for nearly a year.  Their commanding officer's response to a Japanese demand for surrender is memorable if not entirely repeatable:  "Surrender?  Surrender be f****d!"
     There you go.  Erudition thanks to the rubbish-tip skip of Conrad's brain.

Edna, Denied
One of Edna's tricks is to jump onto the lap of anyone at the table, then onto the table, in order to mooch for food or leftover crumbs.

Denied!

     Here she is, pining, as there's nothing left to scrounge.

Rejected Doctor Who Serial Titles
As mentioned above, oh dearie me!  There's tons left to spoof.  Let today's hilarity begin:

The Camra Terror

The Chaste

The Park

The Tent Planet

The Thighlanders

Fur From The Deep

The Snugglers

City Of Heath

The Ambassadors Of Quite Poorly

Nightmare Of Ed

     Well, they amuse me!

Powers - "Z"
Re-reading this, I was struck by an illustration of Oemings:

The lower frame, and apologies for camera glare

     Cheeky beggar! I commented.  He's copied that famous painting "Nighthawks" by Ed Hopper, viz:

     Conrad - an Old fart who Knows His Art.


* I have to make this distinction since the South Canadians play rugby-on-steroids but call it, confusingly, football
** That is, Dutch and 'Strine.