The Word - Rendered Absurd

If You Know Your Conrad By Now -
 - then you know that he positively delights in mucking about with words and language.  Take this Intro; up until a couple of minutes ago I had no idea what to lead with for today's blog; a painful admission.  Yet language and words leapt to the ready - I could whinge about today's Cryptic Crossword.
     "Hang about!" I can hear you object.  "You thrive on crosswords.  What microscopic minutae can you find to complain about now?"
     Leaving aside your querulous, not to mention quarrelsome, attitude to your humble scribe's prose predilictions, I shall explain.
     Tackling any crossword is partly a function of experience with the ways and wiles of the compiler; the longer you've been doing the puzzles set by a particular compiler, the better you understand how their mind works and this gives you an "in".  My dad, a crossword fiend if ever one lived, observed that you might be hot stuff at the Times' crossword, but if you tried the Sun's, you'd be mystified - at least until you'd built up some time with it.  Art?

O! the shame

     I hope you appreciate me baring my soul to the world here.  Five clues still unsolved, and this after spending most of my lunchtime and a good forty minutes on the bus in attempt to crack it <sigh>.  All this because they have changed compiler.
     Give me a week or two, I'll crack it*.

More Mortification Of Moving Images (BOOJUM! As Film Critic)
There has been quite a glut of film reviews here at the blog, and I could have posted nothing but film reviews, except I like to keep things varied, and you can only read so much bile before your eyes bleed.
     Anyway, here we go - goodbye common sense and fair play!
     "Ghostbusters":  Conrad refuses to acknowledge that this odious remake full of girls actually exists and only the ONE TRUE ORIGINAL and it's duly-sanctioned SEQUEL are the real thing.  If any adverts appear on television then that loud "LALALA" noise will be me with my eyes closed and fingers stuck firmly in ears.  Whatever next?  Slimer as a Key Lime Twinky?

THE ONLY TRUE ORIGINAL!

     "Allegiant": Ho Hum.  Let me guess from the advert.  Gorgeous young things who can barely act are in Rebellion Against The Man.  IN OUTER SPACE!  "Because that makes all the difference!" crow the asinine suits responsible for green-lighting it in the first place.
     NO!  No it doesn't.  Get out of here, Detergent.

More acting talent than the cst

     "The BFG": 'Is astonishing' according to one film billboard, which is, to put it mildly, ambiguous.  Good astonishing?  Bad astonishing?  Besides which, in the cartoon version doesn't the Big Foot Girl and her large chum spend time busily farting i front of HM The Queen?  I think this borders on treason.  Perhaps only the low sort but still TREASON!  
     Therefore DEATH TO THE BIG FOOT GIRL!

You could use a pedicure there, lass

     Excuse me whilst I go make a pot of tea and let my throbbing temples calm a little.

Bleeding Edge - Conrad's Very Own Wiki
All references are to the Penguin 2013 edition, just so you know.  Yes, you could resort to the real Wiki, but this one has my inimitable sense of humour attached, and I focus on what mystifies or baffles me - which may not apply to a South Canadian wiki created by South Canadians, probably for South Canadians**.
     P26:  "Saint John suit"; apparently a brand of women's fashionable clothing.  It may be expensive, it may be cheap; since Conrad has zero interest in women's fashion, that's all you get***.

A Saint John suit

     P26:  "Bob Barker"; a South Canadian television host, most notably of "The Price is Right" and once again 'cos Conrad can't stand game shows^, that's it.  Oh, except to say he hosted it for 35 years, which is nice work if you can get it.
     P27: "Deseret Hotel"; Does not exist!  This may be a fictionalised version of a real New York hotel that New Yorkers would recognise.  Not Conrad.
     "Dakota Hotel"; this does exist, now a co-operative apartment complex rather than an hotel.

A splendid edifice

     P30:  "a walk up"; Conrad has oft wondered what this is.  An apartment building without an elevator.
     P37: "Beneish Model": a mathematical model using financial ratios and 8 variables to determine if a company's earnings have been manipulated, generating an M-score from it's financial statement.

Benny-ish.  Close enough.

Gosh.  And here we are at count.  Yet there's so much more to come - maybe tomorrow^^.

Pip pip!



*  Or I'll crack myself, in which case look out, world!
** Still written in ENGLISH, may I remind you.
***  See?  The inimitable sense of humour in action.
^  Except "Pointless"
^^  I cannot toy with your emotions.  Definitely tomorrow.