The Good, The Bad And Uwe Boll

"Uwe Who?"
You might be saying, in which case lucky you.  I would like today's Intro to be a long post about a podcast I heard earlier this week, which I have had time to fulminate upon, and which you are going to get the benefit of, like it or not.  SIT BACK DOWN!

Okay, its a Boll Weevil, not Evil Boll.  But close enough.

     Okay.  Here we go.  One of the plus factors in getting a lift into work is the variety of podcasts that Degsy plays en route to work.  This makes up for no Cryptic - rather hard on the 21st July 2016 thank you for asking - due to no Metro.  We can take it!
     So, on the 20th we had a list of the 5 Best and Worst Sci-Fi film directors, which came up with interesting choices.  The hacks chosen were taken from scored lists chosen by a panel, not simply selected from a Post-It list each critic threw at the ceiling and successfully impaled there with a nail-gun.
     Here's the list, in reverse order:

                                    WORST                                   BEST
                             Roland Emmerich                   Nicholas Meyer
                             George Lucas                         James Cameron
                             Luc Besson                             Stephen Speilberg
                             Uwe Boll                                George Lucas
                             Michael Bay                            Stanley Kubrick    

      For me in the "Worst" they could have added Joel Schumacher, as the man is an artless hack living for the paycheck.  No arguments about the Best, although mine would have included John Carpenter (although the reason he's not there is that he's seen primarily as a Horror director).  No quibbles about Big Stan being Number One.
     The reason you see Georgie Boy in both is because he is revered for the first three Star Wars films, then reviled for the next three.  Swings and roundabouts.
     We'll come back to this list, don't worry.  Conrad cannot resist lambasting a recumbent equine quadruped.

What he said

Ah, Hello Coincidence Hydra - AGAIN
Well well well, yes indeed, it's been a few days since this hideous creature has troubled us.  I say "us" when it's my behind it consistently tackles, so I hope you feel grateful that I'm taking another one for the team.
     What was I blathering on about earlier this afternoon?  Why, the hideous borderline-poisonous plant extracts present in a soft drink.  Wormwood and snakerot and frothing scorpion venom, and also blackthorn -

Zounds!

     Then Pete posted a FB post about Wormhill Books and - you know Conrad and books - I simply had to have a look and there's Blackthorn, in blossom, except it's white, which is merely further evidence of vegetable treachery.


Back To The Best
I refer you to Number 5 on the Best list, Nicholas Meyer.  He became highly regarded as a non-genre director who nevertheless got to grips with sci-fi and who "got it".  End result are all the Star Trek films that don't suck - II, IV and VI.
     Now, how I reached the next bit escapes me - blame Oscar and Steve - but I found myself watching the attack scenes in "The Day After" and who is the director?
     None other than Nick Meyer (at this point I ran screaming from the room).
     Yes, the very same chap, making a television movie about a thermonuclear attack on Lawrence, Kansas.  There is also a version with his commentary added, which is very illuminating.  He observes that the US armed forces would not touch the film with a 12 yard Bangalore Torpedo, so all the apparent military kit is pretend, and the film mixes in stock footage to look even more convincing.
     He had to run the film past a television move convention called "Standards and Practices" which he stated, flatly, was censorship under another name; it persuaded him never to make another TV movie.  Oh well.
     Some of the effects haven't worn well, but the ghastly images of ICBMs destroying Kansas City, looking like evil bloated jellyfish, still have a power to them.  Art?

Done by injecting oil into transparent tanks

     Being a TV movie means a restricted budget, so they didn't do too badly with what they had.  The scenes of Minuteman III ICBMs launching whilst the ball game is in happy clappy progress also have an air of surreal horror.  Art?

After that grimfest, I think we need a little jollifier.

A Little Positive Balance
You may be aware that there is a gigantic backlog of traffic at Dover as UK residents desperately attempt to flee the impending zombie apocalypse, or go on their holidays*.  They are going to be stuck there until 2017, apparently.  Imagine all those people sitting overheating in their cars, when a polite Sikh chap rocks up at your window offering free bottles of water and cereal bars.  Art?

          That's Khalsa Aid.  Normally they deal with disaster relief here and abroad; a minor humanitarian gesture today that proves not all Hom. Sap. are incorrigible rascals.


*  I know which I'd prefer!