Kill Bill - Still

No!  Not "Still" As In "Don't Move"
Meaning the "I still detest Shakespeare with a passion that words can barely communicate" kind of "Still".
     Yes, the Barf of Avon hasn't come in for much criticism lately, as I've been focussing my invective mostly on First Bus, a target most regular*, and The Metro.  He must have been feeling a little left out, that, or safe.  
     No longer!  Let me entertain you with a bit of Shake-baiting.

Hello Bill, it's been a while

Since I cursed your oeuvre vile.

Don't think that I've gone soft,

Your bilious books are not forgot.

I hate you as much as before, 

You tedious Early Modern bore.

Also, unless I'm much mistaken,

Your stuff was writ by Francis Bacon.

     That ought to provide a stern wake-up slap across the chops.  If you're a big fan of Shaking, then - guess what!  I don't care!  and am certainly not going to apologise.
     Okay, let's gingerly push the motley out of the door, taking care not to set it alight this evening, especially not after what happened this afternoon.  £18,000 worth of intellectual property damage.

A Few Films Fall Under The Spotlight
I'll allow that these are reviewed with a little more sense and detail than is usual, or at least the first two are, which is because they were seen as trailers on the "Coherence" DVD.
     "Upstream Colour":  Well done.  Oh, did I say "well done"?  I actually meant "Woefully done".  The trailer tells you absolutely nothing about the film.  I've seen it twice and am none the wiser.  There are pigs, and a drink, and people standing around moodily on a road, and pigs again.  Who are they?  Where are they?  Why are they?  No idea, don't know, frankly couldn't care less.  It does not inspire any interest whatsoever, which is probably not the effect they were hoping for.

Colourful enough for ya?

     "The Borderlands": as seen on the DVD, etc.  This has the opposite problem.  It is - curse you, Blair Witch Project, curse you! - yet another found-footage horror film.  What is it with these?  Are they just ridiculously easy and cheap to make**?  Vatican investigators this time around, investigating Things Mortal Man Was Not Meant To Meddle With, the usual shizzle.  Seen the trailer?  Good, then you don't need to see the film.

Balloons at the Korean borderlands.  Much more interesting

     Star Trek: Beyond": Beyond what, one wonders?  I did see a trailer at the cinema months ago, which was very quick and kinetic, so much so I can't remember any of it.  Aha!  Got it - "Beyond your eyes before your brain catches up", that must be it!

"Excuse me, why am I here?"
"Beats me."

     Look out!  The motley got up speed downhill and the brakes have failed!  DODGE!

The Hillman Imp And It's 875cc Aluminium Engine
No, don't worry, only joking.  You know Conrad, no interest in either football or cars, I just thought that this title would be an appropriate non sequiteur for the post.
     "Crikey, so much for being dry in July - he seems to be off his rocker on Jeyes Household Cleaning Fluid!" I hear you mutter.
     For your information, Conrad's tipple of choice at the moment is de-natured ethyl iodoacetate in an polythene slurry, thank you very much!  Art, I need you to inject some sense into the post***.

     Idly flicking through my previous notebook, I came across this note about the "Alvin and the Chipmunks" movies, which have now totalled $1.3 billion in box office worldwide.  Yes yes yes, but what do "cut price", "hubris" and "talk radio" have to do with them?  None of them were cheap to make - and I defy you to try and define $60 million as "shoestring" - so the "cut price" certainly doesn't apply.  The sin of pride - hubris - doesn't apply yet because they've made such a colossal amount of money.  "Talk Radio" is a live-action film featuring humans.
     If you can explain to Conrad quite what Conrad meant when he wrote this puzzling tripe, he'd be quite grateful.

     Phew, a wheel came off the motley and it ran into a row of adverbs.  Disaster averted.

Forgotten Weapons
This is a jolly interesting YouTube channel that examines and analyses just what it states in the title - weapons of the twentieth century that are obscure or rare or both.  The gun in question today is the Burton 1917 Light Machine Rifle, which you can see Ian manhandling below.

Ian plus gun

     Don't be deceived by his hippyish long locks, this guy knows guns from the ground up, indeed probably from the seventeenth sub-basement upwards.  Art?

Ian, hair and automatic weapon

     The "1917" bit tells you that this weapon was invented in 1917, and surprisingly modern it looks, too.  However, by the time this prototype had been approved and was ready for use, off-the-shelf machine guns had usurped it's role.  So, only one was ever made, which is why your humble scribe had never heard of it before.  Herein the link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-OGyJPFzNfU

     Let me just check our word count -  ooops, well over.  Enough procrastination - what's that?  A shovel and bucket?

     Damn.  They want ME to clean up the mess that the motley made.  Bah!



*  Unlike their service.
** Yes.
*** A frankly unusual request not likely to be repeated often.