Sue, Per Furry Animals

Okay, Okay, They Were Conspicuous By Their Absence Yesterday
So here they are lest you resort, like the title, to legal action to ensure that Conrad delivers the goods.
     No!  I don't mean the band.  I mean animals with fur, and plenty of it.
     Very well, then.  The day before yesterday I was kibitzing with Tom and Anna (plus that silent Sphinx-like presence Javed) over lunch and somehow - please don't ask because I don't know what convolutions my mind went through to arrive at this destination - your humble scribe came to ponder about how our distant ancestors got their fur coats.  You know, if you're living in the Scottish Highlands or the Norwegian Fjells, then your fur coat isn't a luxury item, it's essential for your survival.  Even today inhabitants of these forbidding regions still require double-glazing, central heating and porridge made with milk and salt of a morning.
     So.  The mammoth, the bear and the wolf.  Them's yer choices.  None of them easy to hunt or kill -
     What's that?  
     "Conrad, Conrad, you could make a fur coat out of guinea pig skins!" I hear you quibble.  "Or squirrels!"
     Quiet, you hapless baffoons!  Guinea pigs hadn't been invented yet and even if they had, how many hundreds of them would you need for a single fur coat?  As for squirrels, they're even smaller, and good luck hunting down enough to make a glove, let alone a coat.
     Back to common sense and mammoth-hunting.  Hunting in general - these animals are very attached to their pelts and it takes more than asking with a big smile to get holf of their furry goodness.
     Pretty obviously to hunt a mammoth requires enlisting the whole tribe, although if successful you get enough fur coat for everyone; downside is that the mammoth is a mighty big beast that carries a pair of impressively pointy tusks, just made for impaling intrepid fur-hunters.  A tough gig.

Hairy and scary

     Then we have the bear*.  Smaller than a mammoth, yes, though in compensation (at least on the bear's side) it has great big teeth and savage claws - extras that the mammoth lacks (as do squirrels or guinea pigs).  You wouldn't need the whole tribe for a bear, just half a dozen doughty lads with stout spears.  Plus you could make a necklace out of the teeth that would get you bragging rights.

Baby bear, just for scale

     Then we the non-domesticated dog, or wolf.  These also have savage fangs but the real problem is that they may turn out to be an alien shape-shifting assimilator work in packs.  

How charming!  Close harmony

SO the issue is how you can cut out a single wolf from the pack and keep it isolated and vulnerable, and don't forget your flamethrower and hot wire test.

Lest you forget ...

     By this time your tribe has been reduced by about half, and most of those remaining are missing an eye or a limb, so!
     "Let's kill a sheep," decides the headman.  So you do, whoopee, way to go - O! there's none left.
     "Let's domesticate sheep," decides the headman's wife.  "Then there's plenty to go around."
     Thus, flocks of domesticated sheep.  Fleece, wool and mutton - the three basics of human civilisation.

"Asterisk"
I was asked what one of these was yesterday, and pointed out you use Shift and the "8" key to obtain one, thus - *
     Conrad being Conrad, of course your humble scribe immediately began to question where the word originates.  No!  Greek, not Latin.  From the Greek "Aster" meaning "Star", and you can surely see the connection * can't you?  From there to "Asteriskos", meaning "Little Star" - as in Emily at work, or our own Sun, which is a Yellow Dwarf** - and from there to "Asterisk".


You What?
"Looks like popcorn, tastes like bacon" - excuse me?  What?  This on an electronic billboard near work.  Conrad is baffled at this taste combination, never having felt the need for popcorn to acquire anything other than more sugar in order to taste better.

Disgusting, simply disgusting

     What next, he wonders, what next?
     "Looks like ice cream, tastes like boiled cabbage."
     "Looks like liquorice, tastes like depleted uranium"***
     "Looks like roast beef, tastes like human.^"
     Bah!



*  Notice no smutty puns.  BOOJUM! - SFW!
**  Check out the Hertzsprung-Russell diagram for a fascinating five minutes.
*** Actually this one sounds kind of interesting ...
^  I believe Arthur C. Clarke wrote a short story with this as the central conceit