Poke Or Planet - It's All Mongo!

Bear With Me On This -
 - it might take a little development.
     "Ah, code for "Conrad has not thought this through," I hear you question.
     Wrong!  I did lots of work on this, easily five minutes-worth, and in my lunch hour, too, which is a misnomer as we only get forty-five minutes.
     The news has been awash with all sorts of horrid stuff of late, so much so that I hesitate to look at it, a singular exception to which has been all this drivel about Pokemon Go, or as I like to call it - and since I'm calling the shots here you just have to wince and take it - "Poke Mongo".
     Conrad has only the haziest conception of what Pokey is, or involves, and frankly is not interested in finding out any more than that it's Japanese animation, of a rather basic variety.  He understands this latest iteration involves travelling to different locations in order to tickle, tackle or tussle various monsters.
     I believe Flash Gordon beat you, and the Japs, to it by a considerable margin.  Pay attention to "Planet Mongo" - see this exotic alien world and attempt to survive the various monsters that all vye to do you in!  In exciting and exotic ways!
     For example we have MING!  

NO! Art, that buzzing noise is my Tazer warming up -

     Emperor Ming, that is.  Art?

Never trust a man with sculpted eyebrows.  Never!

     Ming will kill you just to stay in practice, or pour encourage les autres, or to make sure his ray gun is calibrated properly, or just on a whim.  Dictatorial tyrants are frequently like that, kill kill kill - spare a thought for the janatorial staff who have to clean up afterwards.
     Then there are the forest folk, the Arborians. Art?

Green.  

     You won't find safe 'arbor with them!  No, they delight in impaling trespassers with long pointy swords.  Or, if they feel playful, testing people with the Deadly Poisonous Beast Lurking In A Hollow Tree Stump - stick your arm in one of the holes, see if you get stung.  No covers over the holes, however, so Conrad is not sure how they keep this evil pest in one place.  Probably chained, poor thing.  Sadly there is no MSPCA to report them to.
     Then we have the deadly Hawkmen.  Art?

If you had a war rocket going begging, they could pullet

     Of course, "deadly" is in the eye of the beholder, and to Conrad's jaundiced eye this lot bear a greater resemblance to a flock of chickens than anything particularly lethal.  Perhaps they come with salmonella as standard?
     Moving swiftly along, we come to Planet Mongo's fearsome Lionmen.

Part of their Mane Force

     Hmmm.  Looking rather as if he'd been tanning with a gravy boat, our fearsome feline warrior here is demonstrating that he needs a manicure rather badly, or else indulging in that male pastime from time immemorial - scratching - is going to result in severe injuries.  He also lack the ferocius fangs one would expect, so perhaps a trip to the dentist after the spa is on the cards?
     Next we move on to the ocean-dwelling Coralians.  Art?

Sorry, can't find anything about Coralians.  So here's Flash with a really big gun.

     They sound a bit dull, anyway.  Plus, as long as you stay out of the water, they shouldn't be a problem (this might be a problem in the UK on Planet Earth, given the frequent difficulty telling one from the other, but not on Planet Mongo).  Let's have at the Horned Ape Men, whom your humble scribe had better tread warily about, in order to remain safe for work.  Art?

Not quite what I had in mind.

     Care to try again?

Somewhat better

     You can tell that they're definitely ape-like, and quite mannish with it, but - well, really, those pathetic little points upon their heads hardly qualify as "horns", do they?  Luckily they appear to have Man's propensity for armed violence, thus providing a real challenge for your continued survival on Planet Mongo.  Oh, hang on, Art, in a desperate attempt to redeem himself, has tracked down another film-serial image -

SFW by the grace of long hair.

     Much more impressive!
     I think we can dismiss the Tusk Men, who would otherwise threaten the SFW status of BOOJUM! with their awful Freudian symbolism, and the Sharkmen, too - more dangerous than the Coralians, who can probably at best turn you into a reef if you stand still for 145 days, since they share the same disadvantages.
     Thus, we end with the Blue Magic Men.  Art?

NO!  Never mind that it's in Swedish, it's not magic.

     Try again!  And that buzzing sound is my CHAINSAW this time*!

Art gets it right.  Finally.

     Please note that these are BLUE Magic Men, none of that sinister Black Magic here, although given the lengths that those chap go to deliver them, they'd be pretty formidable opponents, too.

     There you go, a guide to the Planet Mongo, the native tribes and - sorry, what's that?  I forgot General Kala?  How could I!

Deliciously evil, dahling.

     Handle her carefully, she does not cope well with elevated temperatures.

Relax, a couple of ice cubes and she'll be fine.

*  Sorry, been reading lots of "Ash Versus The Evil Dead" tweets over on Twitter.