O Woe! The Weather

As You Know, Conrad Lives In England
We shall come back to that.  He frequently refers to the climate here in his hilarious titular "Pond of Eden", and rarely has this been truer as today the weather came after me with a vengeance.  
     A fire alarm sounded across the echoing atrium of the Electric Goldfish Bowl this afternoon, and the building emptied.
     So did the heavens.
     Right upon us, out in the open, with no shelter, and with stewards slowing down return to the building.  Plus there were strong winds, leading to many a fatal Umbrella Inversion.  Conrad, back to the wind, might as well have simply lain down in a bath 1" deep in water, so wet was he.
     Then again!  Waiting for the 24 on the street with a single small shelter already crammed with people.  And once more the Atlantic fell from the skies.

Some Of The Somme
It being the 1st of July today, wherein a load of dusty old myths about that battle get trotted out for their centennial inspection.
     Which is kind of tangential to what I am about to discuss*:  "Band of Brigands" by Christy Campbell, about the creation and adventures of the Tank Corps on the Western Front from 1916 onwards.
     Given Conrad's love of tanks, it was inevitable that your modest artisan would read this work.
     It contains some reasons why it is a spectacularly bad idea to go to war with the British, to wit:
     1) Bloody-mindedness.  We will hear much of this today in connection with the Some.  This battle was a grinding attritional bloodbath, normally viewed through the prism of disaster from the British perspective.  In fact the Germans at the time felt exactly the same way and every soldier involved, from the lowest stubble-hopper to the most exalted Field Marshal, hated HATED HATED it.  British bloody-mindedness brought the German army close to cracking.

Mister Atkins and his pulchritudinous pig-sticker-pistol-pike 

     2)  Technical Innovation.  We invented the tank, after all.  Given our propensity for creating new ways to render our fellow man extremely dead, don't dismiss the possibility of Matter-Transmitter Delivered H-Bombs being next in our arsenal.  That, or dragons.

"Mother" (yes really)

     3)  Borderline insanity.  Let us look at the example of Captain Giffard Le Quesne Martel.  His nickname was a lot more humble - "Slosher", because he was an outstandingly good boxer.
     Quite.
     His idea of having a good time was to find an area of front line being shelled, then get right in there and dodge the shell-bursts.
     Quite, again.
     One can only be grateful he was on our side ...

Slosher, looking suspiciously like Terry Thomas.

"Temerity"
Another of those Oh It Just Popped Up words that arrive from left field.  It means "boldness" or "audacity" and obviously - obviously! - derives from Latin.  From "Temere" in fact, which means "Rash" as in the sense of being hasty, not scabby.  This then became "Temeritas" and then Temerity.
     It also sparked another connection, to a painting by Turner.  Art**?

"The Fighting Temeraire"

     Conrad rather suspects that our sympathy is supposed to rest with the old warship delicately if not ethereally rendered in pastel shades.
     Bah!  Look at that cool and groovy steam tug, looking quite <ahem> badass in black.  Wave of the future, daddy-o, wave of the future.
     There you go, Conrad displaying a touch of temerity.

It's - It's - Banana Splits
My butt must be deliciously in-season, since the Coincidence Hydra has been sinking it's plaque-coated fangs in there again.  You remember yesterday's ridiculously pretentious "analysis" of the "Tra La La Song"?
     "What?" I hear you quoth.  "That was the best bit!  It was so detailed and precise!"
     Leaving aside your worrying inability to tell irony from an iron, I shall expound.
     "What?  No, please explain instead, Conrad!" I hear you quarrel <sighs> go look it up.
     As I said, the "Tra La La Song", which was the theme tune for the Banana Splits Show.  Now, take a gander at this:

     What was the answer there?  Yes, "Banana Splits".  Now, what are the chances of that happening?   I don't thin - DON'T SNEAK UP ON ME LIKE THAT!

Heaton Park Redux
Conrad explained to his Pub Quiz partners Rosie and Phil that he'd been off in Heaton Park weeding Himalayan Balsam out of the landscape last Friday.  

Another opportunity to showcase my Hat of Hard

He got a knowing nod from Phil.  Phil, you see, golfs, and he said that every course he's played on recently has been positively over-run by the stuff.  He pictured it to Rosie, explaining that if it were to pop up at the Halfway House, in a couple of years it would have spread all the way into Royton, a mile away, and he's not far wrong.

On that sombre note I shall leave you for tonight.


*  I'm random like that.  It's why people hate me.
** Do you see what - O you do.