Nobody has yet complained about the excessive use of fish to lure in viewers and increase the blog traffic by underhand means, so Conrad is going to keep on using titles like that until he a) Runs out of celebrities or b) Runs out of fish. We'll see which happens first, eh?
Whilst we're still in the Intro, I am rather under the whip tonight. A late finish at work means not arriving home until 7:20, and I then have to get lunch ready for tomorrow, and then have some tea, and then finish off filling and icing the Almond sponges I baked last night, and do the blog, and all before 9:00 as the Halfway House's new landlord has reintroduced the Pub Quiz.
Enough wibble. On with the Motley!
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| Viz comic's Roger Irrelevant - undisputed King of Wibble |
Pomes
I've been threatening to post these for several days now and the time has finally come for your eyes and brains to face the
NB I have redacted the ladies surnames so their identities are protected.
A POME FOR SOPHIE
Sophie, Sophie, must
you leave!
The lotus-eaters are
all aggrieve
When I say “lotus” I
mean “Cake”
The maker of such whom
us forsakes
Moving to the evil
Payroll side
(For our two kingdoms
will ne’er elide)
Thus no longer will
you see
Exquisitely decorated
confectionery
Mo won’t have someone
to sweetly hate
We’ll not her and
Sophe berate
No more tales of
Henry’s tennis prowess;
Apparently Sophie’s ball-handling is a mess
You may not know that
Sophie caters.
Literally (she gives
discounts on potaters).
Bar mitzvah, weddings,
eighteenths and wakes.
(No rhyme here with
“cake” for goodness sakes!)
Of a generation
younger than your scribe
Her TV viewing habits
are easy to describe
Thus well all know
that Ms
Is a lifelong fan of
program “Daktari”
A POME FOR BECCA
This is a goodbye to young Ms -
Be warned it is not wise to mock her.
For all day long she tipples gin,
A prelude to going out shooting.
This may only be with an air-rifle
But getting shot by one is not a trifle.
This hunting is spurred by “Game of Thrones”
Which she likes as much as dogs love bones.
And speaking of the canine breed
She’s very fond of dogs indeed.
Because she spends her daytimes here
There is no chance of doggie dear.
Instead Bec’s substitutes ferocious shopping –
-when in H & M she takes some stopping.
She’ll be working in Payroll with Povah, James
And when Bec’s gets round to nicknames
Looking at his beard, all tidily furled,
Will think of hirsute Jimmy’s Neat Curled.
Which is as close as you’re going to get
To her favourite band and their “Damage” set
You may now post gushing Comments of praise*.
The Comic Relief Bake Off
This took place last night but there wasn't time to cram it in yesterday - time is the enemy of BOOJUM! - and so here it is tonight. The celebrities were Michael Sheen, David Mitchell, Sarah Brown (who?) and Jameela Jamil (A DJ apparently and very pretty**). Paul and Mary definitely pulled their punches for these folk, which is fair enough as none of them are bakers.
I reckoned Michael Sheen was the one to watch - intensely competitive and a method actor to boot.
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| Michael. Worryingly convincing as a werewolf |
90 minutes? It only takes 20 minutes to bake! It's only butter, sugar and flour - how can you go wrong with that?
David: Victoria sponge shortbreads, which were awful!
Jameela: Chocolate and Marshmallow: looked good, tasted - meh.
Michael: Welsh dragons - not enough, they looked messy but (!) tasted brilliant
Sarah: Red Nose biscuits - Very good and the winner.
Technical: 6 Mini Pork Pies
These had to be cooked with a quail's egg in the middle, and Conrad quailed*** at some of the efforts ... they were using a hot water crust which I've never bothered to make before but now - now I'm curious.
David: Good tasty pies and the Winner
Jameela: Damned with faint praise and - Last!
Michael: Thick pastry - third
Sarah: Underdone pastry - second
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| Art! That's a pork pie HAT! |
Meringue's not too difficult to make, you just spend 10 minutes beating the egg whites into a thick peaking mixture. Then you cook them on a VERY LOW HEAT until they crisp up. Watch they don't catch and brown.
David: Rocket Pavolova - grey but not bad
Sarah: Mango, coconut and lime - too much coconut
Jameela: Did everything wrong, started from scratch and did not appreciate Michael's teasing
Michael: Made a perfect Lemon Curd and Passionfruit 3 layer Pavlova.
And the winner is -
SPOILER AHOY!
Michael. Told you so.
Please, Won't You Think Of The Weasels?
Conrad confesses himself confused about O2 and their peculiar ad campaign featuring a cat reminiscing about being a dog, or perhaps I fell asleep and dreamed the whole thing.
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| Nope, Conrad, you are wide awake |
Dogs, cats, orang-utangs - please, advertisers, remember that BOOJUM! has put in lots of time promoting the wondrous weasel as a much-misunderstood mammal, and there was even one in the Tufty Club.
"Gusto"
Conrad thought this of himself this morning, guzzling down a litre of cranberry juice in the space of ten minutes^. "Gusto", I thought, "It means "with enthusiasm". Where does it come from?"
You guessed it, Latin. From "Gustus", meaning "Taste".
So now you know.
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| Peter Jackson's first film. And the title is accurate |
"Spit"
I have another confession, I'm only putting this title in to see what irrelevances Art Department comes up with, the idiot.
Art! Get yer head out of the gravy jug and start working!
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| Spit of land? |
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| Roasting spit? |
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| Spitting with rain? |
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| Spit the Dog? |
Now, get back in the coal cellar.
* Or, more likely, not.
** I can say this because it's MY blog.
*** Do you see? What I did there?
^ Okay, okay, maybe fifteen.
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