THE ATOMIC COD OF NOVGOROD!

It Could Happen.

There's a major river running through Novgorod, and if industrial effluent were to leak into it, as there are nuclear power plants in the oblast that Novgorod resides in, then you might get irradiated and mutated cod.  If there are cod in Russian rivers*.

     I don't apologise for a silly title involving demented fish, last night I got 29 hits and am convinced that many of these were lured in by either the "Terror Trout" or the "Vampire Stickleback".

     Will we break the 30 hits barrier tonight?  Tim** will tell ...

Radioactive cod. The best-tasting torch ever.

A Little Late, Perhaps

This ought to have been done yesterday, but I'd posted a lot and didn't want to suffer the risks of humour-fatigue.  Anyway -

"Roses are red,"

Yes, but not only red.

"Violets are blue."

NO!  NO! THIS WILL NOT DO!  VIOLETS ARE VIOLET HENCE THE NAME!

"Er - "

ENOUGH OF THIS!  STOP OR I WILL GET VIOLET!

     Oops, sorry, that ought to read "VIOLENT"

"Thrasybulus"

One of those words that pop into your head at 8:45 on a Sunday morning.  What is it?  Who is it?  When did it?

     A little research reveals 3 Thrasybulus', two of whom were tyrants (Syracuse and Miletus respectively) and another one who was a big cheese in Athens.

    I really can't be bothered typing more as his exploits are long and complicated.

Instead of Thrasybulus, enjoy a hand-cranked sausage cutter

Bertie Basset's Internal Organs DEVOURED

Don't panic, no blood was shed.  No, I refer to this fellow:

     He was stuffed with three packs of liquorice allsorts, and was provided as a "Thank you" from Wonder Wifey, and also a bribe to dogsit.

     Well, Conrad has a sweet tooth, and my! is he fond of liquorice allsorts.  So Bertie is now a hollow shell of the man he was.

Bertie, his bottom unscrewed.

     You can imagine Kenneth Williams saying that and smirking.

The Cast

Just a quick run-through of the inspired creative team that help to bring you BOOJUM! on a daily basis, whether you like it or not.

Conrad

That's me.  I am the brains of the outfit***, I run things and type stuff and rant and tant to amusing comic effect.

"Conrad had forgotten to put his contact lenses in -"

     I only pretend to be human, after of course donning my camouflage skin, as this allows me the better to spy on Hom. Sap.

Oscar

My memory.  So called because - ah, you know the punchline already.

Oscar hard at work

     Capable of throwing up the most bizarre and idiosyncratic stuff, I really have no idea how it works, although it does - take "Thrasybulus" as an example.

Oscar is the equivalent of one of these.  Thirty metres across.

Mister Hand

Conrad is very attached to Mister Hand, as Mister Hand is his right hand hand, or man, it gets a bit confusing at times.  Mister Hand has a sentience altogether separate from Conrad, as you will see from the occasional notes he posts, usually ones that puncture Conrad's sense of pretentiousness.  He has been known to threaten with a bamboo skewer if the blog is slow, late or lazy.

Mister Hand threatening a little impaling

Cyborg Sentry Cat

Equipped with twin lasers that sit in the optical cavity, the Cat is our mobile defence system against anything that gets through the barbed wire or landmines.

"What, puny human?"

     Although it's software has an annoying glitch that causes it to identify areas where it shouldn't sit.  Then it sits there.

     We have to tune down the laser's sensitivity in summer, too, as otherwise CSC will shoot down flies, which creates an appalling smell.

Mobile Alarm System, Four-legged, Furry

As above, if anything does survive an uninvited visit across our lethal barriers, then the Mobile Alarm will give warning at 120 decibels.

Codename "Edna" (Early Detection Noisy Alarm)

Art Department

Responsible for providing the pictures, photographs and captions that litter the blog, Art is a bit of a lazy idiot who frequently gets it wrong.

Like now

The Guard Hog

"What?  You were expecting a dog?"

     The Guard Hog stands watch over the Mansion's gravel driveway.  At 532 lbs in weight, he can easily crush any unwanted intruder, and if anyone gets past him -

The Hard Hog

 - then there's always his brother, who never fails to boast in any conversation that he was a stunt double in "Razorback" and "Hannibal".

"Hey, I also read Tolstoy and Dickens!"

* For BOOJUM!'s purposes, there are.

** Mis-spelt for comic effect.

*** O hilarious irony.