THE KILLER HAKE OF GABRIELLE DRAKE!

No, I'm Lying Again
The Hake?  It's a species of fish, an unselective predator living in the ocean, and is no threat to human beings.  So that's the first lie.

Unless you took one of these home, cooked and ate it.

     Secondly, there is no evidence that the sprightly Gabrielle Drake has ever guarded herself with ferocious fish, or that she set them on people out of a misplaced sense of fun.
     She is guilty of wearing a purple wig, however, which is almost as bad.
     You want proof?  You shall have it!

Purple bangs.  Which sounds rude, but isn't

"Calumny"
Not used overmuch any more, this word means "To slander or falsely accuse", and I wrote it down in the Notebook of Terror* this morning, a good ten hours before improvising that paragraph above about poor innocent calumnied Gabrielle Drake. 
     Which goes to prove what I keep telling you - everything is connected to everything else.
     Oh, by the way, in Czech "Calumny" translates as "Pomluva", which would go down well as hilariously ironic in Australia.

Sir Les Patterson agrees.  Sir Les.  You know - Sir Les, Australia's finest ambassador!

A Little Trumpet-Blowing
As you surely know by now, Conrad is entertaining himself by writing a series of short stories about Eden Underwood, that charming bucolic country village where you vanish if you don't fit in, and the ratio of Dark Secrets to villagers is about 50:50.

A typical Friday night in The 'Wood

     Anyway, Conrad has decided that what the village needs is a White Witch.  So far we've encountered at least seven women, one of whom is the witch, whom we now encounter of a Sunday morning, swilling tea and scoffing crumpets.  The trick is not to give out her name, nor any description that will identify her, so neither you the reader**, not our protagonist Niall, know who is the witch.  It's tricky doing this and keeping entertaining, but it's an enjoyable challenge.
     Okay, boasting over, you may now tug the forelock in awe.

Say what?  "Transphobia"  "Alterophobia"?
These were featured in an advert in the Metro and frankly they're Current Affairs writ large.
     The end.

Yes, alright Jim, THANK YOU!  Sheesh.   It was only a throwaway comment.

Irony, Thy Name Is Cat
Here's Jenny very comfortable indeed - in the dog's bed.

"Yes, puny human?"

     Now, she will NOT sit or lie or settle on any towels or blankets or old sweaters that we put down for her.  But the dog's bed?  "O Yes thankyou!"


What's In A Name? - Jamie Irrepressible
As I have been regaling/worrying/boring you of late, I have been listening to Royksopp's "The Inevitable End".  One of the stand-out tracks for me is "I Had This Thing", with vocals by Jamie Irrepressible, and herein a link to Youtube:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=weWfX5I--SQ

     Now, what does the word "Irrepressible" mean to you?  To me it implies someone bubbling with vim and vivacity, eternally cheerful, unstoppably hopeful and happy***.
     Not so young Jamie.  He sounds as sad as a man whose house burned down with all his CD's inside, after having his car written-off when it nose-dived into the local fjord, and his football team lost.

Jamie!  Give us a smile!

     Maybe "Irrepressible" carries a different concept in Norway.  "Son of Morrissey?"

More Rejected Doctor Who Serial Titles
I spent a gainful five minutes this morning, thinking these up.  Still no critical comments^!

"Spearhead From Spare"

"The Clags of Axos"

"Terror of the Futons"

"Polony In Space"

"Interno"

"The Mind of Vile"

"The Elbow of Fear"

If I was merciful I'd put the original titles up - but I'm feeling just a tiny bit evil.

How To Get Your Money's Worth
As Conrad posted a few weeks ago, he's taken up an ancient packet of miniature mints that cost all of probably 50 pence, and whose "Best Buy" date expired three years ago.
     Well, Conrad IS GOING TO GET HIS MONEY'S WORTH!

     As witness here, I have levered off the plastic cover that only permits getting access to one mint at a time and have now eaten the lot.
     Conrad - 5 Tin of Mints - Nil

Tomorrow: How to survive the were-zombiebot uprising





* Sorry, I've been reading and writing too many Doctor Who titles.
** If it ever gets posted anywhere to be read.
*** Someone thus extremely annoying.
^ Still no Comments at all!