Rambowman

Okay, Those Of You Not Interested In THINGS EXPLODING Can Look Away Now
I did warn you yesterday that we were going to be taking a look at one of the offshoots of Black Rifle Coffee Company, whom I'm not going to pretend are remotely PC, and who could care less about what some blog has to say about them.  Plus, they are all armed to the teeth, and further north of that; if you can be armed to the occiput, they are*.
     So, let us have a look at that landmark in quality entertainment, "Rambo First Blood: Part Two"**.  I may have accidentally seen this at the pictures in the year it came out, when I was searching for the screen that was playing the monochrome subtitled animated "A Le Recherche Du Temps Perdue", honestly.  Art?

     Here we see John getting ready to release an arrow, which has an explosive head.  Please note the size of this explosive head, as we will be coming back to this.  I shan't load a video sequence, but Ol' Ram holds his arrow at full extension for so long that his arm would have been wobbling in real life Hollywood.
     Next, let us see the sinister, evil, cowardly Vietnamese officer who could not hit a barn if he was stood inside it and it's dimensions were three yards square.  Art?

     This is the best I can do.  For obvious reasons they don't do a close up.  Anyway, you can see that the Vietnamese Villain's Vapourised.  He's not so much toast as he is pate.
     So, this is what our rep from Full Mag, Richard, attempts to emulate.  You may have already suspected that it is far harder to achieve in real life than in the movies, and you'd be right.  Art?

     "I was working in the lab, late one night -". Er - sorry about that.  This is Rich cooking up an explosive mixture that won't detonate once the kinetic energy of the bowstring hits the arrow, because said explosive will only be a couple of feet from his face, and like all of us he is very attached to his face, and wants to keep that relationship.  The other thing about an arrow-launched projectile is that it is going to be impact-detonated, i.e. the force of hitting a target will cause the explosive to go off.  This is considerably more hazardous than modern weapons which fire HE warheads, as these kinds of munitions do not arm until they are well clear of the user's weapon, usually arming by centripetal motion.  Art?

     An impressively tricked-out hunting bow, hmmm?  Also not how close the arrowhead is to Rich's face.  He's using this bow as the arrow travels exceedingly fast.  Art?

As measured by Malcolm

     380 feet per second.  This is good, as the higher the Velocity of Detonation, the better the chances of THINGS EXPLODING!!  Sorry for the two exclamation marks, I'm just a bit sweaty-palmed and excited.  Now, time for the actual explodey-arrow.  Art?

     There you go.  Note that this one is considerably larger than Rambo's, and no sniggering at the back there!
     Well, following my lead from Rambo, I think this article is Part One: The Theory, and we shall have Part Two: Blowing Shizzle Up tomorrow.
     Motley, shall we play a game?
      

A Bit Of Gloasting Is In Order
As you know, Conrad is not averse to either blowing his trumpet or ringing his bell, especially when he feels he's done something clever.  Hence some gloasting about my performance on the wordy section of my great big puzzle book.  Art?

     I'm not sure if you can follow this, so let me explicate - O hang on, let me just sweep and clear to make sure that odious traitor Mister Hand isn't lurking nearby -
     Good.  Okay, with these acrostics you work out the answer to the clues, eg. "Horn, bank or light (3)" = FOG, then look at the number below each letter and add that to the grid below - in this case "F" should be added to square 57 in the grid.
     The thing is, I recognised the quotation more or less straight away, one of those turgid expostulations by the Barf of Avon about "If music is the food of love -"
     Here an aside.  If Hawkwind were playing the food of love, I think you'd be suffering from <waitforitwaitforit> heavy metal poisoning***! This also works for Blue Oyster Cult and Black Sabbath.  Not Buck's Fizz; they'd simply make you sick.

<shudder>  The Eighties had some dreadful moments.

     Where were we?  O yes - a-polishing my halo of highly-intelligent.  I did the same with the previous acrostics quiz, which was that famous quote from Sherlock Holmes where you eliminate the impossible and then have to deal with land-mobile sharks with lasers on their heads the improbable.  I ought to be able to do well with wordy stuff, I've been reading them for over five decades.  Next!

A terrifying concept, even without laser beams.

You May Not Believe Me -
As if I'd tell anything but the unalloyed truth! <crosses fingers behind back>.  I do hesitate to post this picture, given that it's April Fools Day, and the Guardian is probably reprinting their story about the spoof island republic of San Serif - go look it up - but this is real and genuine, and I am still alive after eating same.  Art?

Sic

     That's a packet of Miso Soup mix, and some Mango Chutney.  I enjoyed the other Miso soup sachets with those croutons from 2014, and - you know what? - I'm still here.
     Food safety dates - a challenge not a warning!
     I wouldn't recommend any of you humans out there try this kind of dining, as you may die.

Finally -
Well, it appears one of the things I was anticipating with a rather sour disposition has not come to pass: to wit, nobody has posted an April Fool's story about "Miracle Cheap And Quick Coronavirus Cure!!"  Probably because they'd end up in jail, governments at the moment not being very tolerant of tail-twitching like this.  Just wait and see, though, because I bet some randomised anonymous source on social media puts it out.

"I have a total alibi, Conrad, whatever you're alleging."

*  Oooh!  Somone's been reading their dictionary!  <the barbed truth courtesy Mister Hand>
**  The Irony!  It irons!
***  I made this one up all by myself.  Can you tell?