24 Frames A Second

I Believe That's The Relevant Speed
For film going through the projector in order to seem seamless and believable.  
     Normally, anyway.  Thanks to that plabby virus, films are not being shown in cinemas, and as a result of this neglect, bus posters are not being updated with details of new films.  THIS IS NOT GOOD NEWS!  As you should surely know by now, one way that Conrad generates fresh content for the scrivel that meets your eyes is by paying attention to bus posters as the Public Service Vehicles go swanning up and down Tandle Hill.
     So, rather than rant and tant in a long and fulminating Intro, I shall dive handily into our Film Reviews.  But first -

An appeal to avoid Manchineel

     Just in case you encounter any on your daily exercise.

BOOJUM! Does Films
I don't think "Review" is an appropriate word, given that we generally ladle venom and invective over whatever tat Hollywood has seen fit to inflict upon the unsuspecting world.  As we always say, if you want a proper review, go read Mark Kermode, he does it proper.  As for us - the only new bus poster visible at the moment (O! the irony) is -
"A Quiet Place II": Conrad has not seen the original and feels no compelling need to.  Earwigging aliens invade, civilisation collapses, a family strives to survive, The End.  That's it?  Art!

Who's your dentist?

     As Your Humble Scribe understands it, these things attack anything that makes a noise.  Like, for instance, a machine gun?  A tank?  A helicopter gunship?  Noisy stuff like that, hmmm?  Even if you're a family struggling to survive out in the open, you could put some knife blades into a tree trunk, attach a clockwork toy and stand back to watch the fun.  Don't forget, arrows are practically silent.  And so are large rocks until they hit.  Ah, is it just me or does this particular apocalypse seem a bit naff?  Not so naff, of course, that someone (Stanley Tucci how could you!) didn't try doing a cheapo knock-off version.

Oh, now they're making whoopee.

     Conrad blames you - yes, YOU! - for going to watch the original.
     
     And now I have to resort to looking at films on show at the cinema.  Or - normally, films that would be on show at the cinema <sighs forlornly>.
"Mulan": From the picture, I think this is a live-action version of the Disney cartoon, which I had to endure when Darling Daughter was smaller and cuter and didn't answer back quite so much.  Colour me not impressed.  As I recall, the Hun invasion of China ended up being all of five people strong, and Ol' Moo only had to defeat one of them to thwart the whole business.  Something like that, it's been a couple of decades.  Art?

<annoyed snort>

     Yes, the big question is whether there will be a charming secondary character who steals the show whenever he's on screen, in between all the hack-and-slash stuff.  Enquiring minds don't really want to know.  
"No Time To Die": Another instalment in the James Bond saga.  I have enjoyed the Daniel Craig iteration of everyone's favourite secret agent - even Tsar Putin can enjoy James' now that he's got bigger and nastier fish to fry than bumblingly inept Ruffians - and am keeping well clear of this one's plot or synopsis.  It will be interesting to see what kind of a spin Mister Fiennes puts on "M".  And, one hopes, there will be satisfyingly large EXPLOSIONS.  If I've got to wait until July to see this then there'd better be some fricking enormous EXPLOSIONS, I can tell you.  Art?

This will do, for starters.

     One does rather wonder at the title, however.  It implies that James' busy social calendar means he is indestructible, which I thought meant the Mysterons getting involved at the very least?
"Wonder-Woman 1984":  Good lord!  What happened to this franchise?  I saw the original, which cannot be more than a few years old - and Your Humble Scribe did have to tut a bit at the depictions of trench warfare in November 1918 - and this is the how many-eth sequel?  

Looking a bit gaudy there, frankly

     How can they keep up the quality when they go for quantity in such a profligate manner?  Do they have the studio organised on a literal production-line model that allows them to crank stuff out like sausages?
     Of course, it might just be a date.  Which is boring.

Puns In Tuns
Okay, this stuff begins it's life in tuns, or barrels, and then gets decanted into bottles, which is where we encounter it.
     I refer, of course, to bottles of beer.  Conrad is such an anorak that he will regularly peruse the banks and ranks of bottled beer in the supermarket, to see if any of them lend themselves to punnery.  And even if they don't - heck, beer is beer, am I right?  Art!

     That sounds appropriately fierce, hmmm?  Didn't the Brylcreem Boys of the RAF fly an aircraft titled "Sea Fury" at some point - 

Yes!  Brownie points for me!

     Oops.  I tried to be clever there and add a second picture alongside the first and the format got a bit wobbly; we might have to bail at this point if the dreaded Cursor Re-Formatting glitch has struck - let's just see how many words we've put down 



950 - close enough to 1,000 especially as there's this bit added in as well.  So, we bid you a fond farewell and ride off into the sunset athwart our trusty stegosaur.  Besides, I've got that Potato and Bean Pate to sample.  Chin chin!

Yes!  Brownie points for me!