The Rodent's Revenge

This Will Take A Bit Of Working Out
It comes of, once again, swanning around on Youtube and looking at whatever seems interesting, and our views of "Interesting" might well differ.  A canal inclined plane?  A dam collapsing?  Challenger II tanks parading triumphantly through the streets of Moscow London?  "Yes please" exclaims Conrad, as the rest of you frown and tut.

Ooops, I think I scared someone.

     Anyway, what I spotted was an animated graphic file that illustrated various "(mostly science) Fictional Vehicles", in order of gradually increasing size.  It's by MetalBall Studios, and I've seen another of their videos in a similar style, detailing Science Fiction spaceships in gradually increasing size.

     I'm not sure that this qualifies as a tank, because that enormous piece of ordnance appears to be mounted in barbette, not a turret.  It also seems to have a lot of blind spots.  And what happens to the crew in that smaller sub-turret when the Big Gun fires?  Tanks being tanks, how are you going to recover it when it breaks down, how do you change a road wheel or track links, and what is it's mileage per gallon?
     If I prod that shiftless layabout Art, we may get -

I think that's someone dancing atop the tank.  I could be wrong.

     Going back to the MBS version, you can see that this fictional foehammer has been inspired by a real-life tank, the infamous Teuton "Maus" of the Second Unpleasantness.  Art?

Maus with puny humans for scale

     There is proof enough that the Teutons do have a sense of humour, or at least full-fledged Continental irony, for why else would you call a vehicle of 188 tons after one of the smallest animals extant?
     I have more of MBS's animation to show you.  Art?  Less coal more goal!

"Imperial Land Tank"

     This vehicle was completely foreign to Your Humble Scribe; it certainly didn't appear to be from any film or television program he was familiar with, the reason being that it's from a computer game called "Destiny", if my Google-fu was up to scratch last night.  Let us see if we can get a full-colour version.  Art!

The best I can find

     Now, looking at this monstrous behemoth, you might well purse your lips and snort in derision, because of course nothing like this has ever been built in real life, right?  
     Right?
     Wellllllll don't be so hasty to dismiss it, or the concept behind it.  We have mentioned the Teuton "Ratte" before - O what hilarious irony! naming a 1,000 ton vehicle after the next biggest creature up from a mouse - and if we poke Art awake with a fish-fork -

Ratty and tatty

     I suppose with the Imperial Land Tank you've got nuclear-powered engines and anti-gravity and <thinks> Unobtanium armour as well as laser cannons and plasma fields and - all sorts of hand-waving stuff that would allow it to work.
     Whereas in real life, the Ratte never got off the drawing board.  Supposedly it would have been powered by a pair of U-boat diesel engines, and mount an unused battleship turret.  "Look!" said the designers, "We took out the third barrel, which saves 50 tons overall weight!"

The ultimate accolade for an Armoured Fighting Vehicle - they made a kit of it
(not so sure about the flying saucers, though)

     It would have had a very severely limited radius of action, not simply because it would guzzle up, say, a gallon of fuel every second, but because it couldn't cross bridges or rivers or enter tunnels.  You couldn't hide it and a squadron of Lancasters armed with Tallboys would either have hit it and reduced it to iron filings, or cratered and camoufleted the ground around it so much it got either bogged or fell into a cavern.
     Then again, it may all have been a huge and ironic joke, with Adalbert laughing himself sick at his drawing board.
     Of course, I may be overthinking this ...

Conrad: the poster boy for overthinking
(With extra added pens)

     Okay, motley, let the mobility-scooter jousting commence!

Ah, The Youth Of Today!
Your Humble Scribe was looking forward to a Bank Holiday as of Monday the 4th of May, only to be told on his daily conference-call with colleagues (I'm so up-to-the-minute) by Frances that it had been moved, to Friday the 8th of May.
     Okay, moved.  A holiday is still a holiday, however, so the question is why?
     "The Eighth is V.E. Day," said Frances, to which Conrad nodded sagely, and the younger folk on the call looked perplexed.
     "What is V.E. Day?" asked Fifi.
     Well, I'm glad you asked!  It stands for "Victory in Europe Day" and marks the day when - let's have a picture, Art - 

Happy shiny people

      - the forces of Herr Schickelgruber, who was long dead by then, laid down their arms in unconditional surrender.  Hah, take that, you pikers!  Field Marshall Montgomery, CIC British Liberation Army, was spectacularly horrid to the unfortunate trio of Teutons who came to sign the Instrument of Surrender, so much so that he reduced one of them to tears*.

Actually took place 04/05/1945

     This year will mark 75 years since the event, so be dutiful and acknowledge the Sinister soldiers who helped us to get there, too**.

  Having a vicarious laugh yesteryon at r/Reddit about dreadful jobs that people hated, one of the earliest ones was also one of the best (or worst, if you like), thus:

A Bloody Awful Job
No!  We are SFW - this is a literal description.  The poster worked at a medical recycling centre, which is where all the sharps bins full of used syringes, cotton waste stained with blood, used IV tubing also full of blood, used scalpel blades, soiled bandages - more blood, and other horrid icky stuff goes.  Art?
                  

     Our poster's job was not to process the mountains of vile garbage you see above; rather it was to clean out the recycling plant, which was always aswill with blood.  What unabated joy this must have been in summer ...
     And, to cap it all, the facility (which makes it sound good) had an infestation of -
     - rats!
     Which continues the theme of rodents for today.

Finally - 
I think it's time to wrap up that fruitful source of inspiration, Abebook's "Retro Monsters of Sci-Fi", as we're nearly at the end of the various book covers they've featured there.  The last one I want to put up is by the esteemed Manly Wade Wellman, an author sadly neglected nowadays, and if you get the chance to read "Who Fears The Devil", take it.  Okay, Art?

The perils of being a curious pilot

     That title is a bit misleading; the "Giants From Eternity" are a bunch of super-scientific whizz-blokes, not the giant red blobby monster on the dustjacket, as Conrad had fondly imagined.  The novel is actually about a species of 'red blight' spreading from a meteor impact, which <gasps and gurgles> presents a threat to all life on Earth, as it consumes all the handy-sized cheese portions at the supermarket organic matter, at a guess.  This is a pretty common trope in sci-fi; I wonder if MWW was first to come up with it?   First published 1959, so it's possible.  I haven't read it myself; however, if it was written by MWW then it will be classy and erudite (whatever cheapass illustration they bodged up for the cover).

The Man

     And on that note, let us escape from the rat-ridden Island Of Doom on our raft made out of inflated moose-skins! - hang on, should that be "mouse-skins"?

*  Heh!
**  Ooops, sorry, got sensible and serious for a moment.