A Ripping Yarn

NO!  I Am Not Attempting To Gain Compensation Over Shoddy Clothing
For one thing, Conrad hardly ever buys new clothes, and what he does have comes out of charity shops thanks to Wonder Wifey, and it gets worn until there are more hole than fabric, at which a reluctant farewell is bidden.  

<hangs a sorrowful head>

     No, what I refer to - of course! - is that character actor Rip Torn, whose name I grossly traduced yesteryon and got away with, him being slightly dead and all.  It transpires that his nickname "Rip" was not a pun based on his surname, but is a traditional one used by the men in his family, as he and his relatives have a Moravian background.
     Now, to get back to alien invaders of the Solar System, it has - sorry?  What's that? - Moravia.  The region. It has come to my attention that a recent visitor - WHAT NOW!  - part of Czechoslovakia, alongside Bohemia and Carpathia, you purblind dolts <grumbles loudly> okay, okay, there is a hill that rears abruptly out of the plains of Moravia, and it is called - 

Rip Hill

      Now you've broken my train of thought.  I shall just have to go back to my notebook and - O yes, I was going on about that English Civil War wargame I had begun, for the first time in 7 years.  I think I can twist Art's arm sufficient to get a picture or two.  Art?  Pictures or no coal!

     The bottom photo is half-way through the third turn, after I discovered I'd been moving the bases only half the distance I should have been; O well, at least neither side has come to blows yet.  The army nearest the camera is the Royalist Oxford one, and it may have been a bit unbalanced to give them 2 "Good" generals, as this means they've been able to move forward and remain fairly coherent.  Their opponents, the army of the Earl of Essex, have been slowly lumbering forward and may well suffer a combined attack on a force that's badly split up.
     One thing the rules don't make clear is if Generals and Officers have to pay an allowance to move; since there isn't explicit mention of this I've assumed they can move for free.  Art?

A metaphor

     I also feel like numerous Thunderbirds characters, bleating frantically "She's not gonna make it!  She's not gonna make it!" as the Sun Probe/Crablogger/Empire State Building threaten to implode, explode or discommode.  You can see what I mean by noting the Unwanted Geographical Feature created by one of the paste tables beneath the cloth sagging like an <Mister Hand redacts potentially libellous comparison with a certain singularly-monikered pop star who ought to be collecting a pension in quiet dignity>.  Next game I'll use one of the others or put a big piece of MDF over the top.  After all, if the paste table does go - well, I mean, that cloth's pretty thin, it could easily tear if any of the metal fitments caught on it, in which case you'd have a -
     Motley!  What peculiar Monty Python-derived comedy series are you watching?

I say!  Is that a Webly Mark VI?  Top hole, what*!

Thank You, Coincidence Hydra, For Your Insalubrious Mockery
A little background here.  Yesteryon Your Humble Scribe had actually completed the blog by noon, and Published it, though I don't bother putting it up on Facebook or Twitter until the early evening.
     Well, alas and alack Boris Pasternak!  I went on my lunch at 13:45 and when I returned at 14:30, the internet was showing all the signs of life of a Great Auk, and it stayed that way until 21:08 in the evening.
     What was the answer to one of the crossword clues I did in the meantime?  Art!

     15 Down: "OUTAGE".  Sheesh.  Really?  What next, the universe is going to whip the chair away from beneath me as I go to sit down, so I end up in an unedifying position, and bruised to boot?
     Bah!

Zombies In The Fruitbowl
Wonder Wifey has an occasional pash about nectarines, so Conrad has to purchase same when he goes shopping.  Since Your Modest Artisan can only go shopping in the early evening at the soonest, it's a moot point whether there's anything left on the shelves or not.  As it was, I had to buy a punnet of nectarines, when everyone knows the flat-pack ones are nicer.  Don't yark on about "Plastic Packaging Is Murdering The Dolphins" either, as they never stock them loose**.     Anyway, what does she espy when cutting up a "Yellow Flesh Nectarine"?  Art!

     I think you could dub this one "Still Life With Necrotic Nectarines".  Neither of us can tell you what these frightful fruits tasted of, as they went in the bin quick smart, before they infected the rest of the fruitbowl.  I may show this photo to Customer Services on Wednesday if I am feeling mischievous.

And Back To A Little Musical Critique
Ah, what, Little Naxos?  You thought we'd stop with a single day's forensic finagling?  
     No.
     Let the critiquing begin!

Can't nobody tell me nothin'

DOUBLE NEGATIVE ALERT!

You can't tell me nothin'

DOUBLE NEGATIVE ALERT!

Can't nobody tell me nothin'

DOUBLE NEGATIVE ALERT! - do you get the sense of a theme developing here?

You can't tell me nothin'

Well, not about grammar, apparently.

Ridin' on a tractor

To some pertinent end, we hope, diesel costing what it does.

Lean all in my bladder

NSFW - not going there

Cheated on my baby

Given that this is South Canada we're talking about here, and that everyone there has a gun, you are doing your life expectancy no good at all here.  This single has been heard by millions, you know, and the odds are -

You can go and ask her

Since Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, better use e-mail rather than ask face-to-face

Or use one of these

My life is a movie

Given your simultaneous infidelity and loquacity, not a very long one.

Bull ridin' and boobies

NSFW - not going there - again

Cowboy hat from Gucci

This is jolly not on!  You need to be wearing approved protective headwear, not a floppy hat -

Wrangler on my booty…

I strongly suspect this is NSFW, but we'll just pretend it means wearing jeans.

Or - someone who wrangles bugs for a living?

     Conrad is not impressed with this single.  It is positively infested with Double Negatives, which make my inner Grammar Nazi positively wince.  Wince, I tell you!

Finally - 
I think we're well over the Compositional Ton, so it only remains to puzzle why - Why, Lord, why! - I was pondering over "Nine Men's Morris"

*  Never let it be said that we here at BOOJUM! are unafraid to beat all the humour out of a concept with lead-loaded baseball rounders bats.
**  Also, those Japanese fishermen are going at it a whole lot more efficiently than plastics are, matey.