What's This?

You'll Have To Trust Me On This
But I have an honest face, don't I?  Atypically, I am typing here at <checks time> 9:23 on a Saturday morning, a good hour before I usually surface from the pit, and I've had a shower and gotten dressed, too.  One cannot simply walk the streets of Gomorrah-on-the-Irwell clad in nothing but air, after all.  It's too cold and wet, for one thing, and the police would probably have a thing or two to say about it as well.

Why naturism will never prosper in Manchester

     The reason for being up so unseasonably early is the Manchester Comic Con, which your humble scribe plans to attend today  No!  Not in costume.  My cape and spandex tights no longer fit - the perils of middle-aged spread - and my mask got into the laundry, thus losing any rigidity it once had; no good as a disguise.  I shall go incognito, nonetheless hearing and seeing everything, and taking photographs, too.
     Thus there shall be but one post today, which ought merely to whet your appetite for well-written wit - I'm talking about BOOJUM! here - as I also plan to see "Dunkirk" if the schedules fit*.


The Haul
I'm posting this before departing, although it's usually the other way around.  Allow me to explain.  On Monday the Council's Chief Executive is attending my (now ex-) workplace, and in light of this, the Centre is getting a good tidy up, whether it likes it or not.  A ton of stuff is being chucked out (including a couple of child's bikes -  say what?).  Enter Wayne, with two huge hardback books.  Art?

     You ought to know what an acquisitive greedy little goblin Conrad is when it comes to books, so rather than being binned these books are now MINE!
     Rest assured that these books will get used.  No sitting on a shelf looking decorative.
     Nor is that all.  A whacking big pile of laptop bags were being disposed of, which was very handy, because those books are HEAVY.  Art?

     Conrad is always in need of a good bag as he inflicts serious strain on his current one - having to hump around a couple of books, a diary, two notepads, a bag of sweets (for emergencies), Post-it pads, pens pens and more pens, a phone, an i-pod, two sets of earphones,  3D glasses, a paper and tablets and perhaps some shopping as well - the strap tends to give way.

So You Want To Be A Supervillain?
More invaluable guidance on How To Take Over The World.  Be advised, there is misinformation built in - can't have you beating me to the position of Earth Dictator, can we?

Non-Powered Supervillain
This type of supervillain has no superpower, or even plain old power, and has to rely on money to acquire technology, in order to get to that Power Plateau.  There are three ways to do this:  1)  You have boatloads of money and use this to obtain an enormous array of gadgets;  2)  You have nil £/$/¥ and thus carry out lots of robberies/other nefarious dealings to get the money to get to 1) above.  Those practicing this method are, of course, likely to get arrested alongside their more mundane cousins - occupational hazard!;  3)  You find an established supervillain and take their place, disposing of them along the way.  What you might call the "Et tu, Brutae?" method.

Bow before the might of CALENDAR MAN!  Who was definitely at the back of the queue for supervillain abilities.

Cat In A Box
Ah me, we get through a fair few Cyborg Sentry Cats at The Mansion.  No, I don't put them in a pie - that was only the once, by accident.  They tend to get blown up in the minefields come Spring, when the grasses grow high and conceal both tripwires and prongs.  Then, too, Royal Mail have taken to arming their postmen**.  I don't know why, the courts accepted that our 3D warning signs and alarm klaxon constituted "reasonable warning".
     Anyway, our new sentry has arrived.  Art?

     As you can see from the inverted label, these new models are Gluten Free.  I'm not sure what that has to do with being a fusion-powered laser defence system; perhaps you can, really, put them in a pie without worrying about allergens?
    Great how they pack them in without any foam beads or bubblewrap, too - materials science in action!



*  They did.  More on this tomorrow.  LOTS more!
**  Armed postmen are a real thing.  Google "United States Postal Inspection Service"