So You Want To Be A Rock And Roll Star?

Wrong Blog!

On the other hand, if you want to be a supervillain – excuse me, SUPERVILLAIN!!!  Bwah-hah-hah! – then step right up.

I say "And" because I am more posh that what they are

     One of the fruits of poking around in several years-worth of paper is a set of notes explaining How To Rule The World.  I also came across a somewhat tongue-in-cheek talk on Logistics, entitled “The Truck As Hero”.  It was done in Powerpoint, so it needs – hang on, let me just see if the Mystery Jets are still together – phew!  Yes they are okay carry on - a bit of re-jigging before it can be posted here, and since it clocks in at nearly 1,200 words I’d need to chop it into pieces.  It also insults the Australians, Germans and Italians, but not the French.  I apologise for the omission and will correct it as soon as possible.

     Let the motley – excuse me – LET THE MOTLEY OF DOOM BEGIN!  Bwah-ha <chokes embarrassingly and goes for a glass of water>

Condiment King.  Yes, really (see below)

So!  You Want To Be A Supervillain?

Superheroes or supervillains, there are no superambiguosities – no moral ambivalence here.

     Your Entry Route

     Not via conventional crime.  Oh no.  Boring, drawn out and toooo dangerous.  Thus,

     you inherit or acquire superpowers.  Be advised the greater the power, the more

     attention you will draw from superheroes.  If you blow up Paris, expect the JLA on

     your ass, pronto.  In fact, make out your will now.

     Make sure you actually HAVE a power, super or otherwise, e.g. Kiteman, Crazy Quilt,

     Polka Dot Man, Calendar Man, Condiment King*.  Johnny Fartpants does not count, as

     anyone can break wind, nor can he be introduced to polite society.

     Okay, you have a Power.  A genuine one.  Now, make up your mind, are you a Solo

     Supervillain or, adequacy issues aside, do you need a gang?

The Hulk!
No, only joking.  Polka Dot Man.  Yes, really (see above)

#Make A Film Unwell

<sigh>  another Twitter feed that I had to drag myself away from.   You know Conrad – mucking about with words is his abiding passion, and yes, I smashed the Cryptic Crossword in 20 minutes this morning thanks for asking. 

     “No!  Too big a distraction – AVOID!” I told myself (I can do that when in my Sekrit Layr).  For this sort of thing where your modest artisan says “Oh I’ll just take a look” inevitably ends up taking 30 minutes.  You also need to get your contributions in at the start or you risk repetition and duplication, which the Twitter Creative Police don’t like.  Last I checked back there were 686 contributions, so if I was going to be  diligent AND creative I’d need to read all of those –

The Biled Bunch

     No!  Too big a distraction – AVOID!

      So I did.

     However, my mind didn’t stop and so I have a few suggestions on a theme:

#MakeaFilmUnwell  Star Warts

#MakeaFilmUnwell  The Empire Strokes Back

#MakeaFilmUnwell    Return of the Deadi

     You’re welcome!

Out of sheer mischief, and just to hone my mad evil skillz, allow me to present you with a few pomes –

Little Arabella Miller

Was wont to dine on Polyfilla.

It’s not nutritious but it was cheap,

And put her in a grave O! so deep

Tee hee!  Don’t go away, there’s more.

Little Arabella Miller

Thought to fight with Godzilla

This uneven contest was brief –

She kicked in the monster’s teeth.

And just to be realllly awful, you know, running a busload of nuns off the road awful –

Little Arabella Miller

<REDACTED> weedkiller

<REDACTED> tasteless joke.

<REDACTED> Conrad – dreadful bloke.

     It comes naturally, you know**.

Arabella 1 Godzilla 0

Firstest Bus

No week here at BOOJUM! would be complete or normal if it lacked a few poison barbs directed with unerring accuracy and hideous force at First Bus.  Yesterday the Dog Buns! 409 was late.  Today it was early.  Will it turn up at all tomorrow?  Who knows!  All part of the exciting game of  roulette that is public transport as run by First Bus.

     I swear, if they were in charge of inventing the wheel, we’d all still be using sleds.

Manchester Comic Con

Hmmm.  I wonder – I’m typing this at work – I did tell you I was working again, didn’t I? – and I wonder if some pasty-faced minion deep in the cellars underneath the Town Hall is even now looking with narrowed eyes at a monitor, where sinister text in flashing red is-

     Sorry, where was I?

     Oh yes.  There’s some more details added to the website but still no details about who shall be present on the theatre panels.  Should I buy a ticket?  Sales now up to 86% of Saturday’s tickets.

Who wouldn't love doing this for 4 hours?

*  These are real DC villains, you know.

**  Poetry or evil?  Only you can tell!