Irwin Allen - Prophet!

Yes It's So, Jacques Cousteau

You may think of Ol’ Ir as a formulaic cheapskate producer, whose main interest in his various sci-fi series was to keep them going until he’d recouped the cost of props and sets, and indeed you have a major point there.  Allegedly, whilst shooting “Lost In Space”, the props department came up with a costing for an alien visitors spaceship and presented it to Ol’ Ir.  “He can walk!” was our hero’s response.

Or, in this case, swim

     Here an aside.  Recall “Land Of The Giants”?  There used to be a fuss made of the cost  involved in creating the super-sized sets and props blahblahblah – what they concentrated rather less on was the cheapest possible special effect.  Namely, shooting from a low-angle to make the Giants seem even more Giant-y.

     Back on track.  Recall, if you will, “Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea”, which did have a pretty spiffy theme tune, although the plots degenerated to Peril Of The Week hiding in the air-conditioning.  Anyway, the submarine “Seaview” had an unusual design: a conservatory for a prow.  Different, if a little unlikely to properly function as a pressure hull.  

Hang on - was it real?

Second interesting design was the Flying Submarine, a saucer-shaped sub that could traverse the briney deeps or bright blue skies with equal facility.  Conrad could never figure out how they managed the model’s transitions, and I don’t care to find out why*.

You cannot deny this is a cool shot

     “A fascinating trawl through Sixties television sci-fi, Conrad,” I hear you query.  “Is there a point to this ramble?  Because I need to catch up on Game of Thrones.”

Gasp!  How do they do it?

     Yes there Dog Buns is a point!  In addition to this special sharp one on the end of this bamboo skewer –

<horrifying sound of bamboo skewer poking some facile reader’s tenderer parts>

     Where was I?  Oh yes, the South Canadian Navy have come up with the Flying Sea Glider, which is a drone capable of powered flight (“Glider” surely a misnomer then?) AND which can plunge into the ocean, taking aboard water as ballast that renders it able to cruise below the surface.

Behold the bathy-bird!

     So then, Ol’ Ir has predicted the future.  Of course, as a drone it’s too small to carry a human crew, too small by far –

     But, if you got hold of some  people one-twelfth the size of a human being, then we’re talking business …

Ned’s Terror Toadstools On The Toast Of Trauma

You may be interested to hear – or you may not, in which case why are you here**? – that Conrad overcame his Super-Spicey Mushrooms of Doom problem – you know, the toast topping made with lava and plutonium. 

     Witness.

     A large helping of yoghurt, the addition of a plateful of grilled mushrooms and a thinly-sliced courgette all helped to render it edible rather than being Blowtorch-on-Bread flavour.

     So I can still claim a dogmatic adherence to my maxim:  I made it so I must eat it.

Rats With Big Brown(ing) Teeth

Yes, back to the disconnect between “The Rat Patrol” and real life.  In real life the closest thing to TRP would have been, as already mentioned, the Special Air Service – who did not fly or use aircraft, but whom rather swanned about the desert wastes in whatever vehicles they could lay their hands on.  Chevrolet trucks were widely prized, but the SAS loved their Jeeps above even their first-born children***.  These were kitted  out with Vickers “K” twin machine guns that they had er – stolen acquired, usually with another gun mounted, because everyone knows you can never have too many machine guns.  

Feel the love
(also the death)

These things would throw what might be called “a death-ray of lead”.  Count to 3 and Hay Pesto! You’ve just been perforated by 30 bullets.

     TRP used the Browning .50 calibre, on a scale of only 1 per Jeep, which is actually not too much of a stretch; if they met anything less armoured than a medium tank, it would be toast (hmmm I see a theme developing here).  Even a medium tank, if they got it in the ass.

"Hey!  Knock it off with stealin' my lines!"

Finally –

No reports back about Pub Quiz last night, because at 9:40 one of the barmaids announced that Janet was poorly.  This is bad news, as she is the person who presents the quiz.  What, did you think they just chose someone’s name at random?  So Phil, Rosie and I generally gabbed and gassed, which produced a bit of interesting content for BOOOJUM!

And we’ve hit count!  Still without addressing the issue of Star Trek and Political Correctness.  Maybe tomorrow …

Oooh lookey!  Another flying yellow sub.

*  Leave a man Conrad with his childhood dreams …

**  Why, indeed, are any of us here?  What is the meaning of life?  And what is the script of this bridge?

*** This may be a slight exaggeration.  But they loved ‘em.