Farewell, Enormous Travelling Sausage

This May Get Me In Trouble ...
Because I haven't asked permission of Sophie - no, not that Sophie, this Sophie - you know, the one currently living in Germany and learning to master the Tongue of the Teutons.  Yesterday she posted a photo on Facebook of a fast-food vendor, commenting on German idiom.  

Focus on the upper left, matey!
(Er - Sofe - is it okay to use this?)

     She translated this as "Travelling Sausage", idiom for a sausage-takeaway, and then realised, after posting, that it actually means "Enormous Sausage".  Conrad, ever up for messing about with words (even in a foreign language) suggested the sign be amended to "Riesen Reisen Bockwurst" - the very same Enormous Travelling Sausage of the title.
     Yes, I guessed that you'd notice the "Knacker"  part of the signage, bless your dirty little minds - it means "cracker" in German and the British equivalents are too vulgar to detail here.  BOOJUM! is still SFW, even after all these years.

Going With A Theme
Time for the clerihews!  And today we are focussing on German authors.  I've had these lying around for a while, and they marry nicely with Sofe's picture, so here we are.

Gunter Grass

Said "I have no class.

I like to scratch my bum,

And bang on about my toy drum."

     In reality I doubt he did the scratching, but he most certainly did go on about drums, because his first novel was "Die Blechtrommel", which sounds like a particularly horrid curse but is in fact merely the German for "The Tin Drum".

Great.  A kid with a noisy toy.

Herman Hesse

Said "I'm a mess.

I'm clumsy, so I fall over lots.

My skin is bad and riddled with spots."

     Perhaps you should stop swilling the schnapps as if it were water, Herman, and then your "clumsiness" would reduce a tad.  I did lie about the spots, though.  Plus, I cheated with the rhyme scheme because his surname will be pronounced "Hesser", but what else can you expect from an alien?

Maybe it's because he uses DOVE!

Friedrich Neitzsche

Said "I'm a leecher.

I go to parties for the free drinks.

Nor do I care what anyone thinks."

     I suppose there is a distant echo of Ol' Fred's philosophy of the "Ubermensch" in that last line there, although that's really reaching.  Whatever you think about his philosophy, you cannot deny that he had an awesome moustache.  Art?

You could put wheels on that and ride it!

Rainer Maria Rilke

Never eulogised the Shilka,

Because it's a mobile anti-aircraft gun.

Of poetic inspiration it has exactly none.

     I stuck to how Ol' Rainy's name would be pronounced in German.  For your information, the "Shilka" is a self-propelled anti-aircraft gun mounting 4 x 23 m.m. cannon, based on a very lightly-armoured chassis.  Art?

Add caption

     Well there you are, another nation insulted by BOOJUM!  If your's hasn't been mildly mocked in doggerel yet, don't worry, Conrad will get around to it eventually.

A Word To The Whys
As you may have noticed, Conrad finds it hilarious beyond belief to dub countries with one of his specially-constructed nicknames, because it amuses him, and he can, and whose blog is it anyway?
     Quite.  So, here is a small User's Guide.

The Atlas                                                 The Atlas According To Conrad

The Norks (said with a sneer)                    North Korea.  Not used a lot, they're too easy.
The Norks (said with warmth)                   Norway.  Norway is awesome.
South Canada                                           The USA.  Conrad likes to pretend that the 
                                                               American War of Independence never happened
British America                                         Canada.  Where they revere The Queen
M83's                                                        France.  Because we're such M8s. Maybe
Teuton                                                     German.
Sinister                                                     Soviet Union, because it was.
Ruffians                                                    Russians, thanks to their football fans
Ockers                                                      Australians
Polite Australians                                      New Zealanders

Gomorrah-on-the-Irwell                             Manchester
Sodom-on-Thames                                     London
Babylon-lite                                              Oldham

Street map of Oldham

More Of Themes
I just had to squeeze this one in, because of Oldham.  Art?

Very readable indeed!

     I would recommend this book to any general reader, as Mr Holland really makes the past zing.  I'm familiar with the clash between Persia and Greece (of course!) because I've read Herodotus, yet this puts fresh blood into the interpretation.  I've just reached the bit where Darius, the usurper of the Persian throne, has captured the mighty city of Babylon.  Babylon, mightiest of all ancient cities, heaving with a population that numbered a quarter of a million.
     Fitting image to go out on!

Babylon