Ruminating On Rodents

Is That A Mixed Metaphor?
I mean, you know rodents, right?  Small bitey furry things.  Ruminants are animals like the apatosaurus or the cow, that chew salad for nutrition.  Well, shoot me if I did mix the metaphors, I don't really care; spelling and grammar are my bugbears - although is "bugbear" an oxymoron in itself, because it combines an insect with a large ursine mammal -
     Where was I?
     Oh yes.  As you probably know by now, Conrad has long gone to bat for the humble weasel, plouging a lonely furrow as he attempts to get the world to reclassify these creatures as more noble than nasty.
     An apatosaurus                 A rabid weasel

     Anyway, I was thinking, what would make up a rodenty version of the Justice League?  There is Super-Stoat, of course, and Wonder Weasel, and then Rat Man - whose superpowers would mirror those of Supes, Diana and Ol' Bruce - and then we could have Furious Ferret, who would be rather like the Hulk but with a lot of teeth.  

"Hulk GNASH!!"

     Then, to mirror You Know Who, we'd have Zinc Mink, although he'd have to be careful if it came to a scrap, as metallic zinc is quite brittle.  The alliterative title of "Captain" would go to the - Coypu.  Captain Coypu.  I realise I may be confabulating DC and Marvel here, yah boo sucks, I don't care.  Instead of Plasticman we would have Squishy Squirrel, whose superpower consists of being a furry Stretch Armstrong.
     There is more, as both Wonder Wifey and Degsy offered their thoughts, which we will save for later -

Sadly, Sammy discovered the hard way that not all squirrels have squishy superpowers

     - because that's this Intro over.  Let the motley begin!

Perfidious Albion
I see the British and Irish Lions* are in the news again, which gave me an insight into an insight, and a glimpse, if you do not hail from the Allotment, of the curious British psyche.  To the world at large we like to present what I call the "Cricket Face" - polite, deferential, following an elaborate and obscure set of rules that baffle outsiders, being jolly decent all round and speaking the Queen's English as it is meant to be spoken.

Look!  The Silly Mid-On googlied the batter (or something)

     Then you have what I call the "Rugby Face", where enormous men do their very best to kill each other in unarmed combat, on a field of mud, their only defensive equipment a gum shield, at most.  Imagine 30 Hulks with clothes and you're there.
     Perfidious Albion, indeed.
     Enter the T80 tank.  Art?

(The crew are all asleep)

     This Sinister piece of kit was never sent to fight in Afghanistan, because the Sinisters realised the South Canadians would offer a king's ransom to lay their hands on one, and the Mujahedeen might capture one.  Or a crew might decide to defect with one ....**
     Anyway, the West was curious.  Very curious. Very curious indeed.
     Enter MI6.  Except the Sinisters didn't realise this, and the 5 T80s they were selling to Morocco actually went directly to Perfidious Albion, who probably paid in forged bank-notes, too.  Tee hee!
     The tanks were sent to be tested on the ranges at Suffield, in British America, where all their weak points were noted and circulated.  Because it is good policy to keep your friends sweet, one T80 was sent to the South Canadians for them to inspect and judge.

There are 187 SAS troopers hiding in this photo of Suffield

     The British; it's good policy to inspect your fingers after shaking hands with them, just to make sure they're all still there.

Arch-Enemy
Yes, still going on about arches.  

Here's a fallen one -

     Actually Conrad had cause to wonder at the use of the term "Arch-enemy", meaning someone you really, really don't like.  They are off your Christmas card list.  No naming your offspring after them.  Blackballing their application at the golf club.
     I think that gets the intent across.  Okay, so why do we never hear of or use the term "Arch-ally"?  Go on, Google it and all you get is a tribute band.
     Makes you think, hmmm?

Finally -
A word from my mum.  Mum?

"RRRRRRRRRRRR!!!"

     A lady of few words, my mum.

*  I keep putting forward the suggestion for "British & Irish Weasels" with no takers.
**  Not implausible, pilots did it with jet aircraft