Let Lying Dogs Sleep

Lest You Be Unaware

Or, heaven forfend, do not care! Conrad is not a dog person.  Not at all.  I know, I know, there's always a reference every couple of posts about Edna Wunderhund, which is perfectly true, and I can contradict myself repeatedly if I wish, because once again, whose blog is it?

Robot Philip K Dick agrees with me.

     Anyway, back to the Domesticated Wolf, although if you consider the Husky or  Alsatian, that "Domestication" seems to have all the depth of the sugar dusting on a jelly baby.  Jelly babies - another thing I cannot have thanks to diabetes.  Thanks, diabetes, thank you so f -

     Where was I?  O yes, dogs.  Art?

Edna in repose

     Of course, not being a dog person doesn't necessarily cut much ice with the dog in question, especially if she's seeking a bit of company she can use as a cushion - hence the title of today.  If she's seeking solace with your humble hack then you can be assured that all the other laps in the household are occupied, either by laptops or curtains.

     It's a dog's life.

More Of Marathon

The battle, not the athletic event or the chocolate bar (which I still refuse to grace with the name of - the name of - Nope.  Can't bring myself to do it).

     I didn't want to overload the pages yesterday with a lot of detail about an event that took place about 2,500 years ago, as not everybody shares my interest in the military history of classical Greece and Persia*.  However -

Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.  Or sharp pointy metal things.

     Although they were substantially outnumbered by the Persians, the Greeks had stripped the city of Athens of all defensive troops to fit out their battle formations, nor did they have any reserves.  Not a one!  So their giving battle was something of a gamble, as if they'd lost - it would have been a Marathon meltdown.  The Persians would have gained the city of Athens, and be in a position to sit pretty and defy any subsequent attempt at liberation.

A Marathon meltdown!
(You knew I was going to work that in, didn't you?)

G.I. Woe

Ha!  Sometimes I amuse even me.  This was brought on by my earlier hectoring** about the severe lack of jelly babies in my diet, to insulin issues in my bodily tissues.

Close enough

     Here an aside.  I used to think it hilarious to offer the sweets above to other persons, asking if they'd like "a jellied baby?"  Also, like the rest of us, I used to bite their arms and legs off, mimicking their agonised squealing at this dismemberment, before moving in for the kill and decapitating them***.

Squeal, baby, squeal!

     The "G.I." above refers to "Glycaemic Index", which refers to how quickly or slowly a foodstuff gets sugars into your blood and over how long a period.  For diabetics like your talented typist, the idea is to have a long, sustained release, absent any major peaks or troughs.

     "Yes, fascinating stuff I'm sure, Conrad, but -"

     BE QUIET!  I'M STILL WORKING UP TO A RANT!  In fact !!!

     So, how has this affected my diet?

     Enormously!  Take a gander

BREAKFAST                                                        BREAKFAST

BEFORE DIAGNOSIS                                            AFTER DIAGNOSIS

Ice cream                                                          Gravel

A fistful of sweets                                              Marbles

Whole French loaf (stale)                                   Fireplace ash

DINNER                                                              DINNER 

BEFORE DIAGNOSIS                                            AFTER DIAGNOSIS

Double-decker chilli cheese hot dog                    Tomato, cucumber, swede, broccolli,

with two ounces of mayo                                    sprout and onion smoothy

One kilo mashed potato with full fat                   Ditch water

cream and salted butter                                     A4 narrow-ruled paper - 2 sheets

Four Sharon fruit with ice cream and 

maple syrup with nut sprinkles

TEA                                                                    TEA 

BEFORE DIAGNOSIS                                             AFTER DIAGNOSIS

2 x litres cloudy lemonade                                   Worthy thoughts

5 toasted ham and cheese sandwiches with          Inhalation of kettle steam

red onion relish                                                   Novelty bath sponge

2 x Kim Chi Noodle Soups

Bucket of ice cream

Go on, taunt me with what I cannot have!

     The upside, of course, is that I have less likelihood of keeling over dead all of a sudden, or even of a slow.  Another part of the Avoiding Death's Bony Clutches consists of regular exercise, which I get from walking Edna.  At about this time in the evening, which she has gotten used to over the past three months, so she is now reclining, pining and whining by my side, expecting a walk at any moment.

Sic

     Which is where we came in ...

*  The mad fools!

**  This verb has it's origins in classical Greece as well.

***  Everyone does this, right?