New Dawn Fades

No!  Nothing To Do With Joy Division
Who surely have the most inappropriate name for a pop group ever, much as that slice of recent televisual misery dared call itself "Happy Valley".  

Happy Valley.  hey, at least it's dry!

     No, what your humble hack refers to is his return to the world of work, which necessitated an early night and an early wakening, and two bus journeys to get there.  Still, I do have plenty of public transport planning time, which was mostly spent tackling The Metro's Cryptic Crossword.  Which I completed in 25 minutes, thanks for asking.
     Here an aside.  The Metro splashed photographs of Chloe Delvingne wearing metal lingerie all over the cover and the inside, in a puff-piece flattering her acting chops.  I cannot put the photo up, it's much too risque, so instead you'll have to have  -

This!

     I hope Luc Besson's "Valerian" film does well, because - well, I could tell you, but then I'd have to destroy the Earth.

"Bryant and May - The Water House" By Christopher Fowler
I have just finished this entertaining romp, the second in a long series of murder mysteries featuring those wilfully eccentric octogenarian detectives Arthur Bryant and John May.  Apparently Chris was long in discussion and development with various film companies about adapting the series into films; everything failed dismally and he now gloweringly insists they will only ever live in print.

Bryant (l) and May (r)

     Which is a shame, as I think each book could be done as a six-part television series.  Because they focus on forgotten or strange yet always interesting (and true!) aspects of London - or Sodom-on-Thames, if you like - I confidently bet it would go down a storm in Asia and South Canada; they positively lap that stuff up over there.  Especially if May could wear a bowler hat.

     - speaking of which -

Clerihews Coming Out Of The Woodwork
Okay, I stretch a point, my notes are written in a spiral-bound pad that was once a brace of branches out in the wilds of British America.
   Anyway, whilst we are still on the subject of Brits with Bowlers, let us revisit a few television icons.

John Steed

Is suave indeed.

With his bowler and his brolly,

He makes killing frightfully jolly.

     Ah yes, the quintessential British Gentleman, always wearing a carnation (actually a disguised dosimeter and gas-alarm).  Impeccably well groomed and spoken, John was the charmingly insouciant face who definitely inspired that line "When you've got a job to do/You've got to do it well/You've got to give the other feller HELL!"
     Or Hades, as that's more couth.

The bowler is lined with steel, and the brolly fires poison darts
The tie is hand-woven imported Chinese silk, though 

Emma Peel

Was the real deal.

She broke men's hearts -

And arms and legs and other parts.

     Oh yes indeed.  Emma continued in the tradition of Cathy Gale, who was once seen field-stripping an FN SLR convincingly.  Emma, as per Cathy, was quite capable of hurling any male assailant into the corner, having converted them into a bag of broken bones.  In fact <Mister Hand moves us on before there is drool on the keyboard>

Sigh

     Then let us move along to the diametric opposite of Mrs. Peel.  Take it away -

Sarah Jane

Is at it again.

Were it not for her robot mutt,

This captured lass would be kaput.

     Do I have to draw you a picture?  Oh.  I do, apparently.  Okay, Art, get up an explicatory picture.  Quickly now - I hear the thunder of approaching weasels!

Phew - weasels narrowly averted -

     This is Sarah-Jane Smith, Companion to the Third and Fourth Doctors, who ended up venturing out on her own.  Can we explain the clerihew now?  We can?  Thank you.  Thank you so much*.  SJS, you see, was always getting captured; so much so I think it's in the Person Specification for a Doctor Who Companion.
     "Must be able to: stumble and fall (convincingly) over cracks in the pavement; run for no more than 12 seconds before becoming winded; however, lung capacity must be good as the ability to shriek is crucial; be easily hypnotised; dress well in outlandish fashion (human and alien)".

Honestly, what is it with some women and shiny things?

     In fact this tendency for Companions to get captured was so pronounced Eddie Izzard did a pretty accurate satire of it.  He was going to mock Emma Peel but she beat him up.



*  This is sarcasm.