Damn You, Sanjeev Bhaskar

It Sounds Like A Line From Kipling

Doesn't it?  I can't really compete with the Singer of Empire, but I can certainly throw together a line or two of doggerel.

Damn you, Sanjeev Bhaskar!

You incorrigibly purloining lascar.

He's emptied the regiment's safe,

Urinated in the colonel's carafe,

And drunk all the bottles behind the bar.

     Of course, this has nothing to do with the real Sanjeev Bhaskar, whom you may know as the actor and writer whose breakout was "Goodness Gracious Me".  Art?

Behold the Bhask

     Conrad, who is as British as tea, bowler hats and rain, personally liked the sketches with the "Coopers and Robinsons", actually the Kupars and Rabindranaths.  They were fearful posers, always trying to outdo the others in how so much more British they were.  Of course, it is impossible to ever be too British.  Sanjeev went and got married to Meera Syal, although Conrad always preferred Nina Wadia.  Art?

Nina.

     Anyway, none of the above has anything to do with what follows.  Did you really think it would, you poor deluded fools?
     Yes, damn your scrofulitic orbs, Mr. Bhaskar.  Time is at a premium for your humble scribe now that he is working - have I mentioned this yet? That I'm working? because I am - and what does Sanjeev do?  He goes and promotes the Twitter feed #PoetsinaFilm.
     You just KNOW Conrad cannot resist this kind of wordy challenge and I didn't, to the tune of half an hour.  Half an hour - when my time matters more than ever!

Valerian
Okay. I did mention this a couple of days ago and have since decided that I can more fully inform you without destroying the Earth (after all, I need it to enslave when my starship invasion fleet arrives).
     Valerian, then, Spatio-Temporal Agent, with his partner Laureline.

The intrepid pair

     There is nothing deep, dark or dangerous about Val, he is the archetypal square-jawed hero and all-round jolly decent chap - almost worthy of being British, if he weren't French.  Laureline is similarly gifted, with a touch of the green-eyed monster about her at times - well, some of those alien females have loose morals and looser clothing ...
     They interest Conrad because I have their comic adventures in trade paperback, actually.  Though I first encountered them in the pages of "Pilote" back in 1980.  So, a long acquaintance.  Art?

This is both exciting and amusing.

     Fingers crossed for the film.  Still, if it's a colossal flop I always have the comics.

Talking Of Kipling -
I didn't regale you with the various different Tweets for #PoetsinaFilm, did I?  We can't let you get away with it that easily.  Let me make haste to Twitter -

Ford Madox Ford Weddings And A Funeral

Dylan Thomas the Tank Engine

Franken Gertrude Stein

Ovideodrome

Nash ville

The Masefield Runner

The Machenist

E E Cummings To America

Hacksaw Coleridge

Ghost In The Shelley

Plaths of Glory

Pope and Glory

     This is great, isn't it?  Snobby, intellectual and elitist*!  You ought to be able to figure out the films, and because I am me (see above) I'm not going to tell you who the poets are.

Conrad, cocking a snook

     Tee hee!
  
Is It Time For The Clerihews Yet?
Have we mentioned Kipling?  Yes?  Damn - then we're late for the clerihews.  And the badger parade is in but half an hour.  Better get our skates on.  Let the doggerel commence!

Rudyard Kipling

Couldn't do stippling.

He may have been a wonderful writer,

At DIY he was a hapless blighter.

     Ha - take that, Rudyard!  I may be correct here, you know, because why would a Victorian author have developed any useful skills at interior decoration, especially since he was wealthy enough to hire a man to do it for him?
     Here an aside.  What kind of name is "Rudyard"?  Have you ever met anyone else going by this peculiar name?  His parents must have been swine.

A stippled gator

Raymond Chandler

Was quite the gambler.

His debts got rather deep - 

Presto! The plot of "The Big Sleep"

     Did he gamble?  Probably, and he probably drank and chased women, too.  However, this is a clerihew, which means mocking folks, and I can tell you that TBS does not involve gambling debt as a plot device.  Or at least not just that.  Er - to be honest I can't quite recall the plot in detail, only that it was long and complicated.  

The definitive version

*  All my best qualitites