Come on, how many ways can you spin a pun and keep it 1) amusing and 2) interesting? I bet you never pause to consider the ceaseless creative turmoil* seething within your talented typist's mind in his daily struggle to both educate and entertain you*.
O! the travails of being an artiste! with an ever-demanding audience to satisfy*, the woes and the -
- hang on, is that traitor Mister Hand undercutting my dramatic introduction?
Right, let's get the title sorted out. Art?
| Tree. Not sure where the "Hee" comes in. |
Mister Hand is going to get a severe talking to. Severe! And if he wasn't attached at the wrist, it would be more "sever" than "severe".
Darling Daughter's Due
It being Mother's Day, Sally visited this afternoon for tea and cakes. Edna took advantage of this rare event to accommodate another comfy human-shaped cushion:
- and also to deliver a couple of utterly toxic farts right in Sal's face. Quite the welcome home. Thank you, Edna, thank you SO MUCH! No more sauerkraut and baked bean breakfasts for you, madam.
The Turn Of The Cats
This one turned up courtesy of Sophie linking it on Facebook. No! Not that Sophie, this Sophie. She has a thing for cats, and this struck a chord:
 |
| Made up of "Awww!" |
Since the link is to those clickbait bandits Buzzfeed, that's as far as I go. Feel free to knock yourself out chasing the very epitome of cute.
And Now The Rats
Stretching a point there, although the Capybara is the world's largest rodent. However, if you found a herd of these nestling behind the skirting board, your house would fall down:
Another photograph from Manchester Museum. Sadly there's nothing to give a sense of scale here, so imagine Rufus Rat grown to the size of a Labrador. I simply had to get a shot of this as we've had Capybaras on BOOJUM! recently, so this was a bit of a coincidence.
And Now The Bats
Also clubs, flails, knobkerries, daggers and bludgeons.
 |
| Human ingenuity at work |
This is a collection of mostly blunt instruments from across Africa, India and the Pacific. A couple of these might be ceremonial, the rest are there to do your fellow Hom. Sap. the greatest amount of injury possible in the shortest possible timespan. Ergonomics, don't you know.
Now Japan - Japan gets a display case all to itself:
 |
| Arms and armour |
Again, a lot of this kit is there to turn your opponent into thinly-sliced dogfood. Very nice decorations, you have to admit. I'll bet that's the last thing the victims of these large sharp things thought: "Lovely designs! Really cutting edge -"
If you are French, you might want to skip the next photo.
 |
| The Longbow. It's a bow. It's long. Stop me if I get too technical |
Rather than being intended to remove bits of your opponent, the English longbow was designed to add to them, specifically the arrow which was about a yard long. Getting hit by one of these has been calculated to being shot with a .357 Magnum round, and the English archers at Crecy, Poitiers and Agincourt shot them by volleys of hundreds.
Also, to be ghoulish, they were quite green: if you controlled the battlefield afterwards you just pulled them out, gave them a quick wipe and Hay Pesto! you're ready to go.
Then there was the crossbow.
 |
| The crossbow. It's a bow. Cross-shaped. |
The good thing about a crossbow is that you didn't need years and years of archery practice to develop your upper-body strength as needed for the longbow. No, you could train on the crossbow in a short time. The disadvantage was the amount of time and effort needed to reload them, involving cranks or levers or windlasses.
 |
| Pots |
Pots. Worthy but dull. Next!
Finally
Ah, so the phenomenon is not restricted to our cat. I did wonder.
 |
| Black and white looks a little alarmed |
When the space in question is your lap, and you're wearing thin leggings or track suit bottoms, and the cat begins to do that clawing thing - that's when you sit no longer, in order to avoid puncture marks.
* All lies <the truth courtesy Mister Hand>
No comments:
Post a Comment