Conrad Versus The ATOMIC DEATH SALSA!

I Ain't Lying, Either
Perhaps embellishing things a tad, even a smidgeon, yet the truth of the matter is that your humble scribe has been waging a war of relentless attrition against one of his most desperate foes to date - Hot And Smokey Jalapeno Salsa.
     This was given out as part of "Taste Team" at work, merely a jar with no label, an e-mail the only description of what it actually was.
     Normally Conrad opens a jar of salsa then brutishly devours it by scooping it out with pitta bread*, which he did this time, too, and instantly regretted it.
     If you have ever been tortured by the KGB then you know one of their delightful methods of convincing you to get chatty was to play a blowtorch over your tongue.  Set on low heat, obviously, or the chat part wouldn't work.
     Good news FSB! (the successor to the KGB).  No need to risk prosecution for illegal, inhuman or immoral practices with a blowtorch when you can resort to Hot And Smoky Jalapeno Salsa.  Conrad immediately started to gobble yoghurt after his encounter with the Atomic Death Salsa, which didn't help much.
     However, your humble scribe refused to bin this devil's brew stew for he is both greedy and miserly**, instead opting to mix in two other jars of Cool salsa that had been opened earlier.  How much earlier is irrelevant, I just didn't feel like wasting food.
     It was still bloody hot, yet edible.  Conrad's iron will*** prevailed in this titanic struggle.  See the fruits^ of victory!

The last scrapings

I'd Buy That For A Dollar
In reality I'd expect it to cost rather more.  Art?

Life size

     Conrad approves.  

Oh!

     Wow.  Getting a thumbs-up from The Man In Black himself,  quite an accolade.  John Milius^ would have approved - he frankly admitted that, in the Star Wars universe, he'd be on the side of the Empire and all that firepower ...

Speaking Of Which -
Back to "Talvisota", that epic television series about the Winter War of 1939/40, and TANKS.  Yes we can say TANKS loudly and proudly again instead of fudging about with "Armoured Fighting Vehicles" (as Conrad is a huge coward this may change if that second white van returns).
     Where was I?
     Oh yes.  The film features genuine Sinister T26 tanks of the period, an illegally-copied version of the Vickers 6 ton tank, versions of which also appear since the Finns bought a small number of them.  Art?

T26

     And once again -

Vickers on the right

     The T26's being runners at all is remarkable, as they were part of the Sinister's invasion force, and the Sinister's vehicle maintenance was crude at best.  They were then captured by the Finns and repainted, then used against their former owners, which probably insulted Russian dignity if nothing else.  Since the war ended in 1945 and "Talvisota" wasn't made until 1988, presumably the Finns kept these tank in running order - just in case.

Enough of war and battle's strife!
Instead of trying to end life
Let us have mere citric wit, 
And, Conrad, get on with it.

Shakeshaft
I can't remember the last time I gave Shakespeare a good metaphorical shoeing, so he's had a good few months to recover his dignity and pride, long enough in my opinion.  I came up with this in the shower this morning, which is highly appropriate:

"There is a tide in the affairs of men -"

Listen, Bill, let me tell you again:

Writing dramatic plays is your bag.

You're a dramatic playwriting slag.

So stay that way, you prating creep

And don't lecture on the rolling deep.

Conrad once again affirms his intense dislike of the Swab of Avon.  Ha!  Take that, Bill.

A Couple Of Observations
First Bus, always looking for novel ways to embarrass, humiliate or torment their passengers, used a single decker for the 24 bus this morning, in a unique livery that  caused many a potential passenger to allow us to sail gaily past them.  Not your humble scribe, thanks to his eagle eyes and rapier-like wit.  Thus on the bus I was able to confirm that the hydraulic system made EXACTLY the same noise as Edna does when whimpering for food.
     Talking of Edna -

"Check - clear that way"

"Check - clear that way, too"

"Now, while Mum's back is turned - "

"Off down a fox hole I discovered earlier!"

     In fact Wonder Wifey caught up with the little scamp whilst her rear was still visible, and a loud roar (from WW) brought the errant terrier back up.
     Good thing, too.  You've got no idea what might be down there ...

Yeah!

* Not classy but honest
** My winning ways!
*** Not forgetting the greed and miserliness
^ I know it's all vegetables - can't you take a metaphor in your stride?
^ American film director and scriptwriter