I Allude To Food

Let Me Qualify That Immediately -
 - because, being a pedantic hair-splitting detail-defining lexicographer par excellence*, I just know some of you will retort that I'm explicitly referencing food, not merely implying it's presence.
     Now, having gotten that hideously contrived sentence out of the way, and once more confirming that BOOJUM! aspires to levels of intellectual achievement that are, sadly, way beyond Conrad's grasp, let's get on to the meat of the matter.  So to speak.
     Food.  I meant food.  Am I being too abstruse?  Okay, I'll throw a bit of pop culture in to sweeten the deal.  So to speak.

Firstly "Fizzy Lances"
Conrad is unsure about whomever named this confectionery.  To him a "lance" is a fearfully sharp implement used by cavalry to turn infantry into human kebabs.  Then there's the even more repellent "lance" as used to see off boils.  Anyway, before I come up with anything even more horrid, let us prevail upon Art.  Art?

There you go, your pedantic hair-splitting detail-defining lexicographer in action

     You wouldn't expect to find wheat in one of these things, would you? It's not exactly a loaf of bread or a sauce that needs thickening.  And "Tocopherol" - I'm sure the blog has described this substance before (checks older posts) and apparently it's Vitamin E gone through a wringer; good for the skin, it's said, and also presumably one's stomach.
     Note the extracts:  Apple, pumpkin, tomato and radish, and if you stretch Citric acid's definition to being derived from lemons, why that's all five of your Five A Day!
     You see?  You see what you can learn from reading the ingredients?

In Celebration Of Saint Patrick's Day
Well, not really, as that smacks of raw religious fervour, which is one of the topics we here at BOOJUM! do our best to avoid.  Art?

What can I say?  It was going cheap

     I realise this is three streets over and twenty doors down from any actual religious content, and a date-expired pie hardly rates as divine rapture, but I like to be certain.

More Of Muffins
Someone in the Mansion left a gentle hint mid-week that they would like me to bake Pear and Walnut Muffins, by leaving a cookbook open at that page - Conrad not known for ability to handle anything subtle.  So I prepped the ingredients on Wednesday to bake them on Thursday.  Art?

The survivors

     The lower oven simply did not seem to be cooking on Gas Mark 8 when I opened the door, so in a judgement call I turned on the much smaller top oven and put the muffin tray in there, along with three loose novelty heart-shaped silicon moulds.
     Well, the top open heats up rapidly, so rapidly that the muffins burnt down one side.  Your normally-competent baker turned them around and - yes, the other side burned before I tented the tray.
     The novelty moulds were useless as the muffins stuck and came apart, so they got booted around the kitchen then into the bin, and work got 7 edible muffins out of 15.
     
Doctor Who Adventures
As you surely know by now, Conrad has the intellectual pretension of the most posing pseuds out there, which pretence is undercut considerably by his affection for the Hostess Twinky bar and children's comics.  I know you need evidence so - Art?

"Doctor Who versus the Tocopherols"
Well it might happen one day.

     Not sure what the publication schedule is, except this is number 12 and they can't be printed that often as I got one last year with a free Monster Advent Calendar.
     Oh, for your information, "Vworp Vworp" is the accepted comics convention for describing that peculiar Robot-Cow-In-Labour noise the TARDIS makes when appearing or disappearing.
     There you go, I did threaten to inflict a bit of lowbrow on you to balance out all the unpronouncable words.

"The History Of The Grenadier Guards In The Great War" By Lt. General Ponsonby
There's a name to conjure with:  Conrad always thought that the Sex Pistols were yelling "I wanna destroy - Ponsonby!" in that song of theirs, whatever it was, when it was actually "I wanna destroy passersby!" which is both an indictment of Johnny Rotten's diction and unfocussed aggression.
     Which has nothing to do with the rest of this post.
     At one point during the retreat to Ypres, the text describes a German "Taube" coming over the Guards' position, and being shot at by everyone alive with a rifle.
     "What's a 'Taube'?" I hear you asking.  Art?

"Taube" = German for "Pigeon"

     Not normally noted for delicate whimsy, the German Air Service flew these scout planes rendered pigeon-like in appeance.  Who says the Germans have no sense of humour?
     The one described in the Guards history got shot down, the claimants said to be the - er - "Pom Pom Detachment", leading Conrad to see visions thus:

Still SEW

     Whilst these charming and attractive young ladies are certainly lithe and athletic, Conrad doubts they could shoot down an aeroplane.  With a little more digging this emerged.  Art?

A Pom Pom

     Conrad much relieved.

Also, hasn't Art done well today?  What motivation an overnight stay in the septic sump provides!



* "Spelling and grammar Nazi" - Pseud to English courtesy Mister Hand