- and in a minute I'll have proved to both of us how clever I am.
One of the reasons for not posting last night was a rare intrusion of Conrad's social life into the preparation of BOOJUM! I had a gig to go to, at the Castle Hotel in Manchester. Lest you imagine this particular hotel to be an enormous edifice of glass and chrome, staffed by spotless staff in scintillating suits, allow me to disabuse you:
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| Et voila |
Also the bar staff were as insular and dismissive as possible without actually coming out and saying "What are you infesting my pub for?" although they were clearly thinking it when looking at your humble scribe.
Anyway! Twelve hours earlier it had been a bright, sunny and chilly morning outside the Mansion so yours truly decided to take a photograph in order to prove it to you the audience:
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| Conrad's finger in upper left |
Unfortunately this photograph broke the phone, as when I fished it out of my bag in the Bar Parlour of the Castle, it retained a photograph of my fingers and would not unlock. As you surely know by now, Conrad is a clueless Luddite when it comes to mobile phones, and his only solution to this problem was to hit the "Back" button with ever-increasing force.
This failing to work, he resorted to younger, more technically-savvy people, i.e. Ian, who was promoting the gig at the Castle.
"This is Milos," he said, introducing a younger chap in the back room.
'Ah!' responded your humble scribe, for whilst the mobile phone is a locked room to him, he recognises a Central European name when he hears one. 'Czech?'
'Slovakian,' explained Ian. Milos, proving himself a dab hand with digital technology, took the phone and said that it needed to be removed from the protective plastic sleeve*, then the battery removed and that would unfreeze it.
And you know what? It did.
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| - or you wouldn't have this view |
That's Nick Hudson in flat cap, and Liam - no, not that Liam, this Liam - on the right. I hope this photo demonstrates the social responsibility of your humble scribe, as if he were standing at the front there'd be precious little room for anyone else and an obstructed view.
Rapier Versus Bludgeon
In the battles of allegories and metaphors, the lowly bludgeon - there, even I'm doing it - comes in a distant second behind the rapier. The rapier - Art?
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| NO YOU CLOD THE SWORD! |
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| Better. You poltroon |
Yes, the rapier is seen as the weapon of a refined gentleman, or given what day it is today, a refined gentlewoman. The bludgeon, on the other hand, is the crude resort of the unskilled thug**.
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However, it occurred to your humble scribe, on seeing some rather shrivelled lemons alongside the tomatoes, that there is something to be said for the humble bludgeon as opposed to the sharp sword. As the archetypal blunt instrument it merely requires to be picked up and swung heartily, whereas a rapier requires considerable skill and training to use lest you inadvertently skewer yourself, your foot or your audience, or all three. Conrad, with the moral fibre of a jellyfish and the grace of a concussed hippo on roller-blades, would never make a swordsman.
Plus, the bludgeon wins every time when making lemonade. Try using a rapier to juice a lemon ...
Return To Work
Back in yesterday after two weeks on leave, a definite shock to the system having to get up at 6:30 a.m. instead of sneering at the alarm at 8:30 and dozing for another hour. Roll on the weekend, except "roll" isn't fast enough. "Rev"? "Race"? "Rapid"? "Resurgam"***? Well yes I will, hopefully no earlier than 8:30, ta very much.
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| Conrad, positively ENTHUSED to be going back to work. |
The Metro E-Reader
Yes, another little aspect of the day I hadn't missed was not getting the prose comic of a morning and snorting about single-name celebritutes whom I didn't recognise.
Now, this isn't Current Affairs as the jail sentence was ages ago, and it's not politics either, as the twod in question stopped being a politician long time gone.
"Conrad!" I hear you calling. "What and whom are you talking about?"
Jeffrey Archer is who. " --- a former politician ..." is how they tactfully describe him, when "convicted criminal" is closer to the truth. They probably want to interview him in future and are being "tactful" which some of us call "dishonest". Also, he plagiarises^.
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| Conrad, positively LIVID about the sin of plagiarism |
* It had a protective plastic sleeve? Who knew!
** Right up my street!
*** Latin for "I will rise again"
^ To a writer there can be no bigger sin. Except maybe murder^^.
^^ Actually, no, not even that.
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