Here is a picture of your gifted author, absolutely brimming with Christmas spirit. You can see it in his eyes:
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| You can? They look more like bits of coal. |
Although there is a considerable gulf between Actuality and Appearance. If you saw R. Lee Ermey being interviewed you'd think he was just an avuncular uncle, not the terrifying Gunnery Sergeant Hartmann of "Full Metal Jacket". Just so with BOOJUM! - a whole host of seething passions lurk beneath this light and frothy exterior - well, when I say "passions" I actually mean "rage" - well, when I say "rage" I actually mean "barely controlled ranting".
So, Conrad, still worried over secret service snooping, has to try Charm instead of Harm in an attempt to kid the authorities that he's not really an alien spy in human disguise. That being so, we need a few ground rules established.
1) No zombies
2) No atom bombs
3) No atom-bombing the Moon
4) No tanks
5) No gratuitous explosions.
This is going to be hard, gentle reader, just plain hard.
"Z Nation"**
Yay! Vasquez isn't dead, nor yet a zombie. Bruised into a giant walking empurpled invalid, yet not dead. Art?
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| Round One: Vazquez 0 Escorpione 1 |
The tables get turned, inevitably, and Escorpione is going to have a hard time coming back from this -
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| The re-match: Escorpione 0 Zombies 23 |
And Doctor Kurian gets quite possibly the worst cut of all. If he had hair it would have no body and by episode end neither does he.
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| The Good Doctor. Well, no, the Evil Doctor, if you insist on accuracy. |
The final shot shows that our heroes have managed to make it all the way across the USA to California.
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| Proof |
Good. This way the third season can spend half the episodes getting Murphy to the laboratory and a cure being created, then our heroes spend the second half getting back home in a land that now has hope.
Then THE END because pushing it beyond three seasons would be foolish.
I have spoken!
You What?
Another effort by the Foobs. I'm not sure what this was flogging. Take a gander:
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| "If you cry when you watch this -" |
Madam, the only reason I would cry whilst watching this is because I had poked myself in the eye with a bamboo skewer.
My Taste Team Wrap
If you have been paying attention - and there will be a test later - then you know that Conrad's still-anonymous employer enrolls staff on the "Taste Team" programme. You are given a food product, for free, asked to consume it and report back, impartially and truthfully, on what you think of it.
This can be a moveable feast, dear audience. Food like the horridly-underdone Sweet Potato with Cajun Rub is, frankly, repellent in every way. On the other hand, Salted Caramel and Peanut Butter Sticks (actually ice cream lollies) were jolly nice. Conrad was able to polish those off smartish.
Now, to today's produce:
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| Barbecue Pulled Pork Wrap |
Having taken this home, Conrad delved into his bag and couldn't find the package. A shrug, a shake of the head and progression to itemising the goofs on "Where Eagles Dare" followed, and it wasn't until about nine o'clock that I found the wrap. I'm sure being left out unrefrigerated won't have done it any harm whatsoever and in fact will only improve the flavour.
USA Reveals World's Biggest Cornetto!
A man can dream, can't he? You know Conrad loves him some Cornetto, unless it's thawed. Here we see Walls deploying their "Big Mike" 5 ton Cornetto, hauled out of it's underground freezer silo -
| If only, if only ... |
- wrapped in a protective thermal insulating blanket to prevent thawing. I can imagine what those gannets gathered round are saying -
"Ready with them shovels, guys!"
Actually none of that is true <sigh> it's actually a ground-based interceptor missile intended to destroy incoming ICBMs. Not Ice Cream Breakfast Man, no, Inter Continental Ballistic Missiles***.
The 5 ton Cornetto was more interesting!
Conrad And Clickbait
We are circling perilously close to that maelstrom Current Affairs, but indulge me. There was a link about how Nicky Minaj "derailed" Miley Cyrus's career with just two words.
Hoping that they were "MUSIC POLICE!" Conrad read on. He was disappointed.
Good luck avoiding the Smiley Virus in our modern world. She loves to show off her skin, wiggle her arse and stick her tongue out, all perfectly acceptable qualifications for a stripper. For a musician? Not so much. Minaj I know little of, except she seems made of plastic.
I regret to say that I couldn't follow the article, which appeared to go on for pages and pages and pages and redefined the clickbait art of turning a microscopic mass into a mountain range. They didn't say anything and Dog Buns! they took ages to say it.
Now that Adele lass, by comparison, she's got RMT.
No! Not Rail and Maritime Transport union. "Raw Musical Talent". Not too keen on that recent single of hers, but you can't deny she's made up of muse. Unlike Cyrus, who is made up of museli.
| James goes swimming ("Skyfall" doncha know) |
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| The raw creative power of - |
* Conrad's Evil Grey face!
** Okay, Rule 1 broken straight away. Go sue me. Whose blog is it?
*** Yeah, yeah, Rule 2 broken, so what, read it and weep.
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